Who ever came up with the "stiff upper lip" concept has done mankind a great injustice in my opinion. Why is it wrong, bad, weak, to express pain and sadness or bouts of exuberance? The fact that us humans have such great capacity for a multitude of emotions is a valuable asset; a motivating force for many a love song , book, poem and numerous other expressions of art.
Children start their first attempts at communication through crying and we hurry to attend to them. However, as we grow,
boys and girls are given different messages:" big boys don't cry, don't be such a "girl", suck it up, be a man" etc. boys are told, girls on the other hand are allowed to show their feelings although girls like boys are encouraged to "grow up", "be a big girl now".
What is so confrontational/ uncomfortable with showing ones emotions? Or is it something very culturally driven?
Latin temperament, stoic nordes, buttoned-up Brits, boisterous Americans, etc.?
No matter in what language, emotions are emotions and serve a purpose, and words aren't always enough, sometimes there are emotions that can only be expressed through the utterings of the soul.
Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel a bit down, you can't pinpoint a particular reason, you just feel a bit sad?
And have you noticed how quickly others want to help you get over it, fix it?
I am one of those, I usually rush in and want to "fix", whether I have been actually asked or not, but recently I have seen the errors of my way. A close female friend died and in traditional Maori way, there was a wake. It took me quite some time to be brave enough to come and join the family as they were sitting next to the open casket. They were stroking her hair, whispering words of affection, and seemed so very OK with it all. I, on the other hand, was scared, scared of how I would cope, or even if.....
Eventually I made my way to the casket and looked at my friends face. Her family came and sat next to me and just........were there........with me.....so I started to silently cry. No words were spoken, my friends family just quietly allowed me my own expression. What a precious gift to be given in the midst of sadness, being allowed to just feel. No one tried to "fix" me, make me feel better, or cheer up; they were just wonderfully generous in the middle of their own devastating loss.
All anyone said to me was: "Do you need some water?"
Perhaps like a seed pod which has to burst open for the seeds to be able to germinate, maybe us humans also need to burst our pods at times for us to be renewed, reinvented, re-energised, or/and revived?
With this I mean for us to acknowledge our emotional temperature, to mindfully allow for our feelings to be known to us, identified and processed, and.......
this of course includes our feelings of joy, happiness, excitement and optimism.
If you're feeling great for no reason at all, enjoy it....if you re feeling positive and surging with possibilities, embrace it.....if you're feeling compassionate for you're fellow humans, share it...
if you're feeling peaceful, treasure it......and if you're feeling a bit sad, be gentle......
don't be in a rush to fix it......
but then again,.....that's up to you.
Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel a bit down, you can't pinpoint a particular reason, you just feel a bit sad?
And have you noticed how quickly others want to help you get over it, fix it?
I am one of those, I usually rush in and want to "fix", whether I have been actually asked or not, but recently I have seen the errors of my way. A close female friend died and in traditional Maori way, there was a wake. It took me quite some time to be brave enough to come and join the family as they were sitting next to the open casket. They were stroking her hair, whispering words of affection, and seemed so very OK with it all. I, on the other hand, was scared, scared of how I would cope, or even if.....
Eventually I made my way to the casket and looked at my friends face. Her family came and sat next to me and just........were there........with me.....so I started to silently cry. No words were spoken, my friends family just quietly allowed me my own expression. What a precious gift to be given in the midst of sadness, being allowed to just feel. No one tried to "fix" me, make me feel better, or cheer up; they were just wonderfully generous in the middle of their own devastating loss.
All anyone said to me was: "Do you need some water?"
Perhaps like a seed pod which has to burst open for the seeds to be able to germinate, maybe us humans also need to burst our pods at times for us to be renewed, reinvented, re-energised, or/and revived?
With this I mean for us to acknowledge our emotional temperature, to mindfully allow for our feelings to be known to us, identified and processed, and.......
this of course includes our feelings of joy, happiness, excitement and optimism.
If you're feeling great for no reason at all, enjoy it....if you re feeling positive and surging with possibilities, embrace it.....if you're feeling compassionate for you're fellow humans, share it...
if you're feeling peaceful, treasure it......and if you're feeling a bit sad, be gentle......
don't be in a rush to fix it......
but then again,.....that's up to you.
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