Thoughts....some sets you free some locks you up..............

  

There is a saying that goes like this: "You are what you eat". 

After I watched a documentary on Solitary confinement (seg = segregation) and saw the repercussions some of the inmates experienced when spending extended periods of time in seg, it occurred to me that the saying: "You are what you think" seemed very applicable.

If the result of feeding a body too much fat, sugar, and salt, and not enough fruits and vegetables is

deleterious (bad), ...what happens to a mind when feed too much (an amount that has profound negative psychological ramifications) violence, conflict, confusion, a sense of powerlessness and apathy/indifference?

Most of the inmates who spent years in seg said that it was the thinking that was the hardest to deal with. Many of them resorted to hurting themselves in an attempt to stop the thinking. They smashed their heads against the walls, cut themselves with whatever they could use, stopped eating or drinking, etc. all which lead to them ending up in infirmary, but as soon as they were patched up, they were put back in to their cells in seg.

The concept of solitary confinement, strange tho it may seem, was originally a Quaker concept. It was thought that in solitary confinement the prisoner would be able to have the time and space to engage in intro-perspective reflection, and by doing so be able to "change their ways" and become "better" people.

What was not considered however, was that self-reflection that leads to insight, insight that leads to an understanding of and a desire to change ones thinking and behavior patterns does not automatically follow time spent in isolation. Quite the contrary, humans placed in isolation rather than flourish often do the opposite; they begin to fall apart, ....fragmentize (if there is such a word).

Thinking, is something we all do, sometimes consciously so, sometimes not. Often we don't question why we think the way we do, or if there are other ways of thinking about xyz...changing the way we think about things can be experienced as too challenging and for many of us sticking with the thoughts that we experience as "the way things are" seem far safer and more comfortable.

Those in the "know" suggest that there are distinctive "negative/not helpful" thinking patterns:

Black and white thinking - all or nothing, success or failure, right or wrong, etc.etc

Over-generalization - it happened once so it will always happen that way

Disqualifying the positives - positive experiences/outcomes are dismissed in favour of the negatives

Jumping to conclusions - deciding on an outcome before having all the facts

Biased thinking - previously held thoughts/conclusions determines future thoughts

Mind reading - thinking one knows something without actually making an inquiry

Emotional reasoning - if that's how I feel, it must be real.....

to mention a few.......

Our thoughts are linked to our feelings - "I am no good, I always mess up, good things never happen to me, I am not smart enough, etc.etc."  if our "thought diet" consists of these kinds of thoughts, our feelings will follow suit and we will feel "bad/down, sad/depressed/etc.". (If we drink 12 cups of strong coffee with 5 spoons of sugar everyday, drink buckets of soft drink, eat tons of junk food, our bodies will deteriorate.)

One of the inmates in the documentary described his childhood like this: "I was born into violence, I started to drink and do drugs when I was ten years old, I became a junkie and at 15 years old I went to prison. I have been in prison for 23 years and most of that time I have spent in seg. I can't slow down my thinking, it goes so fast, I can't control it, so I cut. I just want the thinking to stop."

Is it possible to stop thinking?

Most say no......"thought-chatter" comes with being a human, but it can be "muted"...with the help of mindfulness or being fully engaged in doing something that we enjoy (life-affirming) that demands all our attention.

We also have the possibility to choose what kind of "diet" we will provide our minds with and a good starting point for deciding what that diet will consist of may be to first do a little self-reflection.

What do I usually think about? Thinking about those things, how does that make me feel?

(The thought-chatter can be so fast and furious that it can be difficult to pin-point exactly ones thoughts, but usually one can discern whether they are of the positive or negative kind.) 

There is a line (sentence) that I have personally found to be very helpful when it comes to dealing with my own thought-chatter, (inner script) especially when it comes to thoughts of a negative or self-depreciating kind, and that is to confront those negative thought patterns by asking myself: "Do I know this for a fact?"

If the answer is no, then I exchange the thought with what I know for a fact, if the answer is yes, then I ask myself what I can actually do about it.

It is possible to change the way we think about things and what we think about, but it does involve us wanting to do so and then training our minds into replacing old thinking paths and patterns with new and or different ones.

This can be assisted by what we choose to digest visually as well. 

After watching a heavy and challenging show as in the case of the documentary on Solitary confinement, I often "cleanse my pallet" by watching some stand-up comedy or what ever sports may be on in order to redirect my thought-chatter onto something less confronting. (Especially if I watch something confronting late at night.)

It's been said: "Don't go to bed angry", how about
"Don't go to bed straight after watching The Walking Dead?"  :)

"Life has a tendency to provide a person with what they need in order to grow. Our beliefs, what we value in life, provide a road map for the type of life we experience. A period of personal unhappiness reveals that our personal values are misplaced and we are on the wrong path. Unless a person changes their values and ideas, they will continue to experience discontentment."

  (Kilroy J. Oldster)

Weapons come in many shapes and forms

Last week, a young girl barely a teenager, took her own life. The reason? 

Cyber bullying.

When the mobile (cell) phone was invented, I am pretty sure that the thought that it could be used as a potentially deadly weapon, didn't enter the minds of those who invented it.

The phone was a tool primarily for the purpose of us being able to communicate with others far way, and or next doors, while not having to move and or change location. Doctors, midwife's, the police, ambulances, friends, loved ones far away or up the road, could be contacted, business meetings and deals could be arranged over the phone, etc.etc. In short, the phone was a very convenient and helpful tool, and mostly and more often than not, used for "benign" purposes.

A phone, before the invention of mobile/cell phones, was a fixture, as in, it stayed in one place connected to a socket in the wall, in other words,...it had an address.  The mobility that the mobile/cell phone offered, meant that a call could be made and or received anywhere as long as there was some reception, which meant that it no longer had an address, just a number. The journey towards us being able to use the phone for not only benign but also harmful purposes, had begun. Today's mobile phones are virtually little computers, and the mind boggles (well, mine at least) at what one can do with and on a phone, which in my view, has both good (helpful) and bad (harmful) ramifications..... as seems to be the case with most inventions us humans come up with. 

One of the harmful ramifications that I see with today's mobile/cell phones, is that they offer anonymity. With a "burner" phone for example, a phone that is designed for temporary use, has prepaid amount of minutes, comes without a contract, and if bought with cash, virtually guarantees anonymity.

And anonymity for someone with ill intentions in mind, offers an opportunity to do and say hurtful things without being held responsible for it.

("A crime is only a crime if you are caught", so say some folks.)

When asked, here are some of the reasons those asked gave for why they engage in cyber bullying:

Anonymity- they don't have to face their victims so it takes less courage and they feel that the anonymity shields them from being caught.

It's funny- because they don't see the reactions in their victims they are oblivious to the damage they cause.

Social status- every one is doing it, so if I do too, I'll be viewed as "cool".

(Bullies have always been around, but online cyber bullying is a new thing, made possible through today's technology. Yay! for technology, ..... now people can be bullied both in real life and online...)

A gun is a deadly weapon firing bullets, bullets that when they enter a body tears it apart and more often than not, causing irreparable damage and or death.

A cell phone can be just as deadly a weapon, although it fires only words. Words however, just like bullets, can cause irreparable damage, tear someones heart into bits and destroy a persons self-esteem to such an extent that they no longer see a reason to stay alive, in other words, ....words just like real bullets can be deadly.

I asked a "troll" in a chat room: Why do you troll? What about upsetting and hurting people do you enjoy?

Answer: It's fun.
What's fun about it? I asked.
Answer: Watching people get upset is fun.

Me: Do you do this face to face as well, I mean, say hurtful things to people?
Answer: Nah, I just do it online.
Me: Why only online, is it not as fun face to face?

Answer: F**k off idiot!!
And with that the troll left the chat room.

I have had many other encounters with trolls in my favourite chat room and my experience is that trolls seldom enter into conversations, they prefer to hide behind their "nicks" (which they constantly keep changing due to being kicked out of the room over and over again) and just hurl as much vitriol as they can. On one occasion, there was a particularly nasty troll who kept attacking every one in the chat room but did so in such a way that he/she was able to avoid being kicked. I kept reading what the troll posted and it became obvious to me that this troll was a very smart one with a very extensive vocabulary. I decided to challenge the troll and his/her sense of "smartness". 

Me: Hey, you are a Mensa member, aren't you? 

Troll: Why are you asking? 

Me: You are obviously very smart, I'm guessing an IQ around 150? 

Troll: Actually, my IQ is 158. 

Me: Oh, really, mine is 160.  (I said this to challenge the troll.)

Troll: So you are a member too? 

And just like that the troll asked me if we could chat in private, which we did, and while doing so we found that we had a lot to talk about. (By the way, I am not a Mensa member, I just let the troll assume so. At least while chatting with me in private, he/she wasn't upsetting anyone in the main room anymore.)

According to those in the know, most people are mean to others in order to feel better about themselves., but here's the kicker.... when we insult and harass others, it says more about how we feel about ourselves than others. Even when someone spews a load of sarcasm and vitriol on us, what they are really telling us is just how insecure and lacking in self-esteem they are.

For those of us who own a mobile/cell phone, may I suggest that the responsibility of whether we use it as a weapon or as a communication tool of the benign kind, ....that responsibility rests with each of us.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but hurtful words may kill me."

(Meaning: physical wounds doctors can heal, wounds to the heart, mind, and soul on the other hand, can potentially be lethal.)

(The original by Robert Fulghum: "Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never break me." Meaning: you can hurt me physically but not mentally.)

It began as a black dot........

It began as a black dot in the back of his mind. 

As a seven year old he had no words to describe what that black dot really was exactly, or how it affected him, but he had an inkling that it wasn't good.  What he did notice however, was that the black dot seemed to grow ever so slightly each time he experienced some form of disappointment or sadness. 

The fact that he had a mysterious black dot growing inside of him, he kept to himself because even at seven he had learned that some things are better kept to oneself than talking to others about. Keeping the black dot a secret made it grow, but by chance he had found that there were ways for him to slow down the growth by channeling his concerns about the dot without using words. When he listened to music, especially sad music, he felt as if the music understood him, agreed with him, and although the sad music hurt it also soothed.

Somehow music had the power to keep the black dot at bay, and even at times, make it shrink.

Then came a time in his life when it started to rain black dots. At twelve, he had started to find words that he identified as feeding the black dot and making it grow.  Loss, grief, isolation, betrayal, disappointment, fear, anger, but most of all feeling that he was different and invisible. 

Overwhelmed and fearful of the speed at which the black dot was growing inside of him, he had to find a way to fight back or he would become consumed by the dot. He decided that listening to music was not enough, he had to play it as well. He had to find some sounds that could keep the black dot from taking over his mind. Tall, dark, and handsome, with black and white keys, the piano seemed to call him so he responded. 

Fumbling fingers at first, but as he kept searching for combinations of sounds, he discovered that hidden on the keyboard were sounds that so well expressed un-expressible words that by just playing them over and over, the black dot subsided.  Music became his best friend, his confidante, his safe port in the storm, a way to keep the black dot at bay.

As the years passed his dedication to his best friend helped him struggle through many heart wrenching situations, times of confusion, times of complex emotions, times of loss and loneliness.

But the black dot remained. At times so small he hardly noticed it, yet, it persisted. With increasing age and insight, he came to the realization that rather than trying to get rid of the black dot, he may be better off trying to use it. Did the black dot have something to offer that he could transform into something that rather than aiding its growth, diminished it? 

If the saying "a burden shared is a burden halved" is true, then perhaps if I share with others some of the content of my black dot, maybe there are others who also have black dots do deal with that may find some small comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their battle with a black dot? he thought.

He decided that it was worth a try. 

We don't get to chose whether we are born with "black dots" or not, and with that I mean depression, anxiety, dysthymia, and or other genetically inherited issues that can make for a bumpy ride in life.

But, according to a number of people in the "know", many of us do have the power to chose how we will deal with our  "back dots".  For some of us it may seem as simple as being more positive, looking at the bright side, the glass being half full etc., I however, do not subscribe to that notion although having a positive attitude is often helpful. 

My view is that what ever black dots we may be dealing with, in many cases we have the opportunity to chose how we will deal with them. For some of us it may be to seek some professional assistance, for some of us it may mean medication of some kind, for some of us it may mean some form of therapy,

for some of us some other form of life-affirming method, joining a support group, etc.

The thing with black dots (in my opinion) is, that left alone or ignored, or suppressed, they have a tendency to play havoc with our minds, and that can play havoc with our lives.

Life is precious because it is swift,

love is precious because it is fickle,

time is precious cos' it never stands still.

you are precious cos'  there's only one you,

The problem with too much attention to details.........

                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

For a few years when I was studying music in Stockholm, among the many different instruments that I learned how to play, was the double-bass. Rummaging through some old photos, I found a photo of a bass player I shot at a live gig.

     As an homage to the noble instrument, I decided to try and paint my impression of what it feels like to play the bass, to walk through the chord changes, to be the instrument that holds the foundation of a piece of music, because that is what the purpose of the bass is. (Most of the time)

     As a painter, one of the decisions one has to make is to decide how detailed one wants to make a painting, and this can be a struggle. What is more important? To capture the essence of something or to paint a detailed representation of it? Is it to be a photographic snapshot of an event or the experience of it?

Details, in my view, can at times prevent us from being able to see the 'bigger picture'.

(As in 'not seeing the forest for all the trees')

      I am an avid reader, I prefer to read books by authors who offer me enough details to get a big picture but leaves some out in order for me to use my own imagination: "It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, the door flung open."  These words provide me with enough information in order for me to conjure up all sorts of dramas, horrors, thrillers, etc. etc. 

    But, that's me, I am sure that there are many people who prefer more details to be included in good story telling, and perhaps also when it comes to "good" paintings.

More often than not, being a details-oriented person is viewed as good personality trait to have but is it always so I wonder?

                   Are there times when a penchant for details can be a hindrance?

Can a song still be great if the singer sings a wrong (not the word the lyricist used when he/she wrote the song) word? Can a portrait painting still be great even if some of the features of the person it depicts are not exactly as a photo image of the person?   Can a person still be great although he/she may have some flaws in his/her character? Can a book still be great although it has some dubious passages/facts/information in it? Can a movie still be great although one of the actors in it is less than convincing? And so on......

          It seems to me to be quite possible to become hung-up on a mere detail and by being so miss out on a potentially wonderful experience. 

Some years ago a friend of mine came here (Australia) for a visit. I brought him to one of our wonderful beaches and urged him to join me for a swim. "But you have sharks here don't you?" he said.             "Yes, there are sharks in the ocean but we have shark nets, life guards, and I have never seen one here", I answered. My friend was here for three weeks but I never managed to get him past the "little" detail of sharks, so he never ventured any further into the ocean except for to the level of his ankles.

Pfft. Such a shame. (hehe)

                         I guess at times when we may encounter a "detail" that in view of the bigger picture may be of less importance, it may be a good idea to let go of the detail so that perhaps something wonderful may come from us seeing beyond that detail?

           Or if we can't see beyond that detail, perhaps we can find a way around it, over it, or under it?

The above painting is not supposed to be a realistic depiction of a bass player. (Worth to mention perhaps is the fact that I did not use a brush, but only a cloth to paint the painting. I first did an under- painting with a number of colours, then covered that under-painting with black paint, and when the paint was almost dry, I removed the black hue with a damp cloths to reveal the image.    As a detail-oriented person, I have to say, that this was a challenge for me to do.)

             I purposely left out most details and instead tried to capture a sense of a dimly lit nightclub, the air filled with music, and a man and his bass engrossed in their dance together.

In order to see the forest, we need to let go of staring at the trees.

In order to see the bigger picture, we need to let go of the smaller one.

We all desire freedom.....but what kind?

I often ask my son for suggestions of different topics to write about and the topic of freedom often seem to pop up. (I would like to be clear from the start: I view this topic as massive and extremely complex, hence, I have been dragging my feet when it comes to write my views on this topic.) The above image is ink on canvas, an interpretation of a photo I saw in a book.

What my image does not disclose is that the women are on a train, a train on the way away from the camps in which they had been imprisoned and suffered for years.

Freedom, according to some, means "the right or power to act, speak and think as one wants."

Perhaps it could also be defined as the right to act, speak and think without any external control or influence?

As far as I can ascertain, there are different kinds of "freedoms": the freedom of association, the freedom of the press, the freedom of belief, the freedom of speech, the freedom to express oneself, the freedom to chose ones own path in life, the freedom to exchange ideas freely with each other....and so on.

The freedoms we may enjoy to a large extent depends on the constitutions on which the governments in our respective countries are founded. Well, ideally that is, but as history will attest, constitutions can be amended, overruled, ignored and re-written.

Many of us may hold the idea and or belief, that in a democratic country, we are able to act or have the power to speak and think as we want, in a democracy we are "free".

But, in reality, is that really true?

For many of us who have grown up, and or still live in democratic societies, the notion that we are free to follow our dreams, to seek our own paths, free to chose what kind of lives we want to live,

seems very real, but......

how free is a person who is born into poverty,  how free is a person who is illiterate, how free is a person who is born with a physical or mental health illness, how free is a child who is born into a chaotic and dysfunctional family situation?

We are not free to chose what kind of families we are born into; functional or dysfunctional, happy or unhappy, poor or rich, ....regardless of whether we are born into a democracy or dictatorship. We are not free to chose our genetic make-up, we are not free to chose our complexion, we are not free to chose whether or not to inherit our parents "looks", ....just to mention a few things that we are not actually free to chose regardless of whether we are Eskimos or Kalahari bushmen, free or enslaved.

I was once told a story: "A zoo decided that it was time to put their brown bear back into his natural environment, so they transported him back to where they had captured him as a cub. The bear was released and the zoo keepers headed back to the zoo. A week or so later they went back to where they had released the bear to see how he was doing. To their surprise, they found the bear where they had left him, wandering round and round in a circle just as he had done for years in the zoo where he had been chained to a stake in the ground."

From this story I draw the conclusion that although the bear had been freed from his chain, in his mind he was still fettered.

Carrying on along that thought, what would freedom mean to someone who has grown up in an externally controlled environment?

What would freedom mean to someone who has never experienced butting up against some very firm boundaries?

If freedom is understood as independence of the arbitrary will of another, does that mean that anything goes? Well, not really, since most societies have laws, rules and customs they follow.

Robin Hood may have stolen from the rich to give to the poor, but stealing was still regarded as a crime with consequences to follow. Freedom, some say, is always constrained by rules and laws that applies equally to each member of a society. Well, in theory at least......

If freedom for us means being free to follow our dreams, seek our own paths and truths,  free to chose what kind of lives we want to live, and the power to act, speak and think as we want, then would it not be reasonable to consider that perhaps with that freedom comes responsibilities?

Although it may seem a bit oxymoronic, I am going to suggest that without a modicum of restraint and a sense of responsibility in the mix of what freedom means, we would be hard pressed to grasp any deeper understanding of the term freedom. (Often it is by juxtaposition that we are able to grasp a deeper understanding at times. Ex: sweet sorrow, tragically beautiful, sweet and sour, bitter sweet, etc.)

Although for many people jazz music appears to be everyone playing at the same time and whatever the heck they want to---"being free,man"---let me assure you, it's the opposite. To be able to improvise freely a person actually needs to know a lot about harmony, structure, and melodic sense, plus being able to compose on the spot, and have the skill set to go with it....like some dude said to me: "Learn everything, and then when you know it, forget it."

If there is a "cost"(responsibilities) involved with freedom, do we still want it? 

"Most people do not want freedom because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened by responsibility."  (Sigmund Freud)

"To be free is not to merely throw off ones chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the lives of others." (Nelson Mandela)

The word freedom has many meanings, definitions, and interpretations, may I ask: what is yours?

"Frederick Douglas taught that literacy is the path from slavery to freedom. There are many kinds of slavery and many kinds of freedom, but reading is still the path."  (Carl Sagan)