It began as a black dot........

It began as a black dot in the back of his mind. 

As a seven year old he had no words to describe what that black dot really was exactly, or how it affected him, but he had an inkling that it wasn't good.  What he did notice however, was that the black dot seemed to grow ever so slightly each time he experienced some form of disappointment or sadness. 

The fact that he had a mysterious black dot growing inside of him, he kept to himself because even at seven he had learned that some things are better kept to oneself than talking to others about. Keeping the black dot a secret made it grow, but by chance he had found that there were ways for him to slow down the growth by channeling his concerns about the dot without using words. When he listened to music, especially sad music, he felt as if the music understood him, agreed with him, and although the sad music hurt it also soothed.

Somehow music had the power to keep the black dot at bay, and even at times, make it shrink.

Then came a time in his life when it started to rain black dots. At twelve, he had started to find words that he identified as feeding the black dot and making it grow.  Loss, grief, isolation, betrayal, disappointment, fear, anger, but most of all feeling that he was different and invisible. 

Overwhelmed and fearful of the speed at which the black dot was growing inside of him, he had to find a way to fight back or he would become consumed by the dot. He decided that listening to music was not enough, he had to play it as well. He had to find some sounds that could keep the black dot from taking over his mind. Tall, dark, and handsome, with black and white keys, the piano seemed to call him so he responded. 

Fumbling fingers at first, but as he kept searching for combinations of sounds, he discovered that hidden on the keyboard were sounds that so well expressed un-expressible words that by just playing them over and over, the black dot subsided.  Music became his best friend, his confidante, his safe port in the storm, a way to keep the black dot at bay.

As the years passed his dedication to his best friend helped him struggle through many heart wrenching situations, times of confusion, times of complex emotions, times of loss and loneliness.

But the black dot remained. At times so small he hardly noticed it, yet, it persisted. With increasing age and insight, he came to the realization that rather than trying to get rid of the black dot, he may be better off trying to use it. Did the black dot have something to offer that he could transform into something that rather than aiding its growth, diminished it? 

If the saying "a burden shared is a burden halved" is true, then perhaps if I share with others some of the content of my black dot, maybe there are others who also have black dots do deal with that may find some small comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their battle with a black dot? he thought.

He decided that it was worth a try. 

We don't get to chose whether we are born with "black dots" or not, and with that I mean depression, anxiety, dysthymia, and or other genetically inherited issues that can make for a bumpy ride in life.

But, according to a number of people in the "know", many of us do have the power to chose how we will deal with our  "back dots".  For some of us it may seem as simple as being more positive, looking at the bright side, the glass being half full etc., I however, do not subscribe to that notion although having a positive attitude is often helpful. 

My view is that what ever black dots we may be dealing with, in many cases we have the opportunity to chose how we will deal with them. For some of us it may be to seek some professional assistance, for some of us it may mean medication of some kind, for some of us it may mean some form of therapy,

for some of us some other form of life-affirming method, joining a support group, etc.

The thing with black dots (in my opinion) is, that left alone or ignored, or suppressed, they have a tendency to play havoc with our minds, and that can play havoc with our lives.

Life is precious because it is swift,

love is precious because it is fickle,

time is precious cos' it never stands still.

you are precious cos'  there's only one you,