If the question of whether to go to war or not is never asked, then war will never be the answer.

 

He held on to his flag

bone tired, more dead than alive.

He could not sleep, nor could he eat,

even breathing, was a feat.

 

When he joined the forces, so filled with pride;

a righteous fight for all men's rights;

now long forgotten in a war worn mind

a broken body, mates left behind.

 

Still a young man according to age

but his soul .... fragmented, filled with rage.

The things he had seen, the places he'd been,

indelible nightmares, filled with screams.

 

The thought of going home, (oh, comforting thought),

steadied his nerves, made him feel strong.

Sunny blue skies, fields dressed for summer,

lightened his mood, when feeling too sombre.

 

Finally, it was confirmed,

the war was over, t'was time to return.

 

Standing at the station, waiting for their son,

a mother and a father, hand in hand.

Time moves very slowly for hearts filled with fear

but now he's coming home, soon he'll be here.

 

No words are spoken as they embrace their son,

so gaunt and solemn, he has become.

He left, the larrikin, so full of life,

returned instead, man merely alive.

 

In war, whether defeated or victorious,

the cost to human lives, copious.

All of us, someone's mother, someone's father,

someone's sister, someone's brother,

someone's  friend, someone's lover,

someone's relative, someone's partner,

someone's son, someone's daughter.

 

If the question of whether to go to war or not is never asked, then war will never be the answer.

(Citizen X)

Laugh, and the world laughs with you........

   Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977), had the ability to take everyday

situations  and turn them into comedy gold.

If you have never watched a Charlie Chaplin movie, I highly recommend you to watch a few such as The Gold Rush, City Lights, Modern Times, The Dictator, or Monsieur Verdoux. Yes, they are old, some are silent movies, most in black and white, but the stories they tell about humanity is surpassed by few in my opinion.

So, what makes something funny?

What makes us laugh?

Do we have to be happy to be able to laugh?

According to some; no. Laughter is an un(sub)conscious response, to laugh is part of the human vocabulary that needs no translation. No matter what language we speak, we all know how to laugh.

Robert Provine, a Neuro scientist and psychology professor, discovered through his research that

what we mostly laugh at in our every day lives are not "jokes", rather, our laughing, is an inherently social behaviour, and at the core, it is a form of communication.

When you watch a comedy (or whatever you consider humorous) by yourself, do you laugh as much as you would if you were watching it together with others? Do some things seem funnier when we share the experience with someone else?

Sharing laughter with others, often binds us together and in doing so, increase our sense of intimacy and feelings of happiness. Some suggest that laughter also strengthen our immune system, boost our energy levels, help us forget pains we may be enduring, and help us de-stress.

 But I guess, the biggest benefit of laughter is that it makes us feel good, and when we feel good it can often be easier to have an optimistic and positive outlook on life.

 Looking at things (life) occasionally from a humorous perspective can help us to create a "psychological distance", enabling us to feel less overwhelmed with the "goings on" in our lives.

Not always easy to do perhaps, .... some of us, live very difficult and complicated lives.

However, if laughing is an unconscious response we all share then perhaps it may be helpful to take some time out now and then to watch a comedy on TV, or a funny movie, play a silly game, read a funny book, watch the "Funny Cats" on youtube, or whatever we may find humorous.

When we laugh, our bodies release endorphins (feel good chemicals/neuro transmitters) and we can't help but feel invigorated and uplifted.

There are times when we may need to be serious and self reflective, but there are also times when we may need to be more light hearted and give ourselves the permission to just enjoy a good laugh.

Even if for just a brief moment.

 

"A person who knows how to laugh at himself, will never stop being amused." (Shirley MacClain)

"Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection."

(Jacob Smirnoff)

"Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine." (Lord Byron)

"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either." (Wayne Dyer)

Feeling sad is not always bad..........

Have you ever seen something so beautiful that it made you feel sad? Have you ever heard something so beautiful you found yourself tearful? Have you ever experienced something so joyful it made you cry? (= tears of joy)

Why does feeling sad get such a bad wrap? (I am not speaking about prolonged feelings of depression)

 Often we try to outrun our feelings of sadness, and/or keep ourselves busy in order to keep those feelings at bay.

 Joe Forgas, a prominent social psychologist who has spent a considerable amount of time studying "sadness" discovered much to his surprise that there are benefits in feeling sad at times.

Some of the benefits he found: somehow feeling a bit down/sad, improves our memory, we make less biased judgements, we detect insincerity quicker, we are less likely to engage in stereotyping, basically; we become more sensitive toward others.

No wonder he was surprised. I have often heard it said that sadness makes people selfish, introverted and antisocial, but according to Joe Forgas research, it does the opposite.

(Once again, this is not referring to depression or prolonged feelings of sadness)

Many of us at times enjoy watching sad movies, listening to sad music, read sad books/poetry, look at paintings that invoke feelings of sadness, and perhaps we do so, because those feelings can help us stay in touch with parts of ourselves that we hold very close to our chests and at times find hard to express. After the showing of "Schindlers List" finished, I could hear many people sobbing, some crying, and as beautiful music played while the credits rolled, nobody moved, nobody spoke, and the atmosphere in the movie theatre was saturated with emotion. Eventually we all left, sad, but perhaps we were also more grateful for many things, and people, in our lives.

Feeling sad, for many is viewed as a problem emotion, best avoided. However, is it possible to be happy and cheerful all the time, or to be "positive"? Can temporary feelings of sadness be abolished, more so, should they?

Perhaps we experience sadness at times because it is an important, valuable even, aspect of being a human being?

When a dear friend of mine passed away, my friends wife told me in confidence that she was not able to cry for her loss. "I want to cry, but I can't, I don't seem to be able to let it out," she told me. There is something cathartic about crying because often after a good cry, we feel better, which suggests to me that sadness rather than a "negative" expression, or a problematic emotion, can be a helpful emotion in that it may assist us in reliving some "pressure" when we are hurting.(Physically or psychologically)

"The word "happiness" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." (Carl Young)

Perhaps many of us wish for "happiness" to be our constant emotion/state of mind, however, unpleasant/uncomfortable/"negative" emotions are equally as crucial as pleasant/comfortable/"positive" emotions when it comes to us making sense of life's many ups and downs. Emotions, may I suggest, assist us in evaluating our experiences; good and/or bad, happy and/or sad, and so on.

Some suggest that sadness can also assist us in seeking solutions, if instead of seeking to avoid it, we learn to understand its causes and how to manage it.

(Once again, this is not referring to depression or prolonged feelings of sadness)

There can be many different reasons for why we experience feelings of sadness, but if we acknowledge those feelings rather than "gloss over" them, we may be able to find helpful ways to transform those feelings into valuable insights and a deeper sense of compassion for others when they experience sadness.

"We can't outrun sadness, because where ever we go, we bring our sadness with us."

(Citizen X)

"It doesn't hurt to be sad from time to time." (Willie Nelson)

 

"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out, also keeps out the joy." (Jim Rohn)

Is it possible to run out of love? Teddy talks.........

 

It is two days before her wedding. Suddenly she feels filled with panic. To settle her anxiousness she seeks the counsel of her best friend. "What is love? she asks her friend.

Her friend, happily married with five children looks at her and answers: "Not an easy question to answer, because I believe there are many different kinds of love."

" But what if I run out of love?"

Is it possible to run out of love?

When we are born, are each of us given a certain amount of "love" to draw from;  and every time we share (give) our love (any kind of love), we have a little less left?

If we love someone, and that someone does not feel the same way about us, is that a "waste" of love?

Is it a "waste" of love, to love a child/friend/partner caught up in self destructive behaviour?

Is it a "waste" of love to love those who do not/can not, love themselves?

So, how do I define love?

In an earlier post I wrote this: "It seems to me that we love someone when we care more about the other as he/she is, rather than who we think they should become, when we reveal ourselves honestly and vulnerably just as we offer the same for the other. We love someone when we act with patience, resilience, compassion, forgiveness, attention, and with a whole hearted commitment to their well being."

Is there only so much love to go around? For instance, some of us may find it hard to give compliments, and often our first response may be to see the "negatives" rather than the positives.

"If I would have done it, I wouldn't have done it that way...I would have done it this way..."

"You paid how much?" "Well, you were just lucky." "Wow, what made you decide to choose that...?"

(As a painter(artist) I have observed how often the first words from a viewer are words that specifies what they don't like about a painting, rather than what they do like.) Is there a "cost" involved in being exuberantly positive? "If I give you this much encouragement and positive feedback, it is going to cost me, because I will feel less positive about my own undertakings."

(If I give this much love out of my "pool" of love, there will be less love left for me.)

The word "overly" often accompany the words positive, affectionate, and optimistic, which makes me wonder if there is also "under" positive, optimistic or affectionate? How much love and affection, or positivity and optimism, ought one to dispense? If there is a "right" amount", and if so, who decides such?

Should we clutch our hearts tightly to our chests to prevent us from running out of love?

And if, and when, we offer our love, do we need to make sure that we don't give away too much of it leaving ourselves short of love for ourselves?

However, what if love is boundless?

What if dispensing: compliments, positive feedback, an optimistic view, affection, support, and or encouragement, rather than costing us something, gives us something?

In romantic love, reciprocity is very important, but in many other forms of love, it is less so.

One can love a brother or a sister, although they show little interest , one can love a cat although it seldom responds with affection, one can love a parent although he/she disapproves of every choice in life one makes, one can love a friend, although he/she never returns ones calls, one can love nature although it just is, one can love humanity, in spite of its many failings, one can love oneself although being aware of ones short comings, one can love food, although it may increase ones girth, one can love "GOD" (whichever way one perceives such) although GOD can only be accessed through faith.

The list goes on, I am sure you can think of other possibilities, for myself, I have to say that I love art in most its forms, because it sustains my soul by its sheer existence.

Someone once said: "Love is a constant, it's only the objects that change."

One of the most amazing definitions I have found on love comes from a best seller; The Bible; and it goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This may seem like a tall order, but perhaps if we don't hold on too our hearts to tightly, we may find unexpected joys, and in life, new delights.

 

Finding the extra ordinary ......you

In 1962, The Beatles,  (John Lennon, Ringo Starr, Paul McCartney, George Harrison) became a household name when they burst on to the music scene with their song "Love Me Do". For the next eight years they composed music of such quality and depth, that many of their songs are considered "classics" on par with Mozart, Bach and other heavy weights.

Four ordinary guys from Liverpool managed to come up with a new kind of music, a new sound, with far reaching ramifications. In 1970, they broke up as a band, but their legacy, still carries on.

Ordinary people, can, and often do, do extra ordinary things.

 

Ordinary, they say,

is the common way.

Some call it normal

usually informal,

happens every day,

 quite colourless

and kinda grey.

 

Being the same,

playing the game,

nice and secure

void of allure.

And so it goes

time passes by,

until one day,

an ordinary day,

the time has come.

 

There is a shift,

you catch a whiff

of something else

a different self.

A chance to do

something new,

all it takes

is a different view.

 

The extra ordinary

hides within the ordinary,

silently waiting,

quietly anticipating,

for the time to come

for us to become,

all we can be.

 

(Citizen X)