It is two days before her wedding. Suddenly she feels filled with panic. To settle her anxiousness she seeks the counsel of her best friend. "What is love? she asks her friend.
Her friend, happily married with five children looks at her and answers: "Not an easy question to answer, because I believe there are many different kinds of love."
" But what if I run out of love?"
Is it possible to run out of love?
When we are born, are each of us given a certain amount of "love" to draw from; and every time we share (give) our love (any kind of love), we have a little less left?
If we love someone, and that someone does not feel the same way about us, is that a "waste" of love?
Is it a "waste" of love, to love a child/friend/partner caught up in self destructive behaviour?
Is it a "waste" of love to love those who do not/can not, love themselves?
So, how do I define love?
In an earlier post I wrote this: "It seems to me that we love someone when we care more about the other as he/she is, rather than who we think they should become, when we reveal ourselves honestly and vulnerably just as we offer the same for the other. We love someone when we act with patience, resilience, compassion, forgiveness, attention, and with a whole hearted commitment to their well being."
Is there only so much love to go around? For instance, some of us may find it hard to give compliments, and often our first response may be to see the "negatives" rather than the positives.
"If I would have done it, I wouldn't have done it that way...I would have done it this way..."
"You paid how much?" "Well, you were just lucky." "Wow, what made you decide to choose that...?"
(As a painter(artist) I have observed how often the first words from a viewer are words that specifies what they don't like about a painting, rather than what they do like.) Is there a "cost" involved in being exuberantly positive? "If I give you this much encouragement and positive feedback, it is going to cost me, because I will feel less positive about my own undertakings."
(If I give this much love out of my "pool" of love, there will be less love left for me.)
The word "overly" often accompany the words positive, affectionate, and optimistic, which makes me wonder if there is also "under" positive, optimistic or affectionate? How much love and affection, or positivity and optimism, ought one to dispense? If there is a "right" amount", and if so, who decides such?
Should we clutch our hearts tightly to our chests to prevent us from running out of love?
And if, and when, we offer our love, do we need to make sure that we don't give away too much of it leaving ourselves short of love for ourselves?
However, what if love is boundless?
What if dispensing: compliments, positive feedback, an optimistic view, affection, support, and or encouragement, rather than costing us something, gives us something?
In romantic love, reciprocity is very important, but in many other forms of love, it is less so.
One can love a brother or a sister, although they show little interest , one can love a cat although it seldom responds with affection, one can love a parent although he/she disapproves of every choice in life one makes, one can love a friend, although he/she never returns ones calls, one can love nature although it just is, one can love humanity, in spite of its many failings, one can love oneself although being aware of ones short comings, one can love food, although it may increase ones girth, one can love "GOD" (whichever way one perceives such) although GOD can only be accessed through faith.
The list goes on, I am sure you can think of other possibilities, for myself, I have to say that I love art in most its forms, because it sustains my soul by its sheer existence.
Someone once said: "Love is a constant, it's only the objects that change."
One of the most amazing definitions I have found on love comes from a best seller; The Bible; and it goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
This may seem like a tall order, but perhaps if we don't hold on too our hearts to tightly, we may find unexpected joys, and in life, new delights.
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