What have the people done, Charlie?

Once I believed.........

That bullies were sad hurt people who would

bully others because they didn't know how

to deal with their own pain.

That even when people said things that they 

knew would hurt the people they said it to,

they didn't really mean it, they just didn't

know where to place their own repressed

hurt, anger, and frustrations.

That behind all masks and costumes, 

 we're all vulnerable and scared

human beings.

That the good would always conquer

the bad.

That love would always be stronger

than hate.

That honesty would always triumph

over dishonesty.

That treating others with kindness would

always be more appreciated than

 treating them with callousness.

That gentleness, tenderness and compassion

would always be viewed as strengths rather

than frailties.

That there were people that always felt that they had to

tell others how great they were, although deep down

inside, they always felt really small.

That there really were people who wanted to

be a voice and stand up for the downtrodden, 

the poor, .... the ''little'' people.

That there were people who possessed power who

really wanted to use it for justice, freedom and

liberty for all.

That there were people who wanted to use their

insights, wisdoms and knowledge for the benefit

of the many and not for money.

That there were people in powerful governing positions

who when given the choice between war or peace

would always chose peace.

Once I believed that mankind would never entertain 

 the idea of creating weapons so powerful that they

could extinguish planet earth and all life upon it

by the mere push of a button.

Now, I don't know what to believe.

And yet, .... in spite of my disbelief

lingers a persistent quiet voice whispering:

Hold on to hope.

''Hope is the thing inside us that insists, despite

all evidence to the contrary, that something better

awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it,

to work for it, and to fight for it.''

(Barak Obama)

about the image: acrylic and eyeliner pencils

on canvas

Title: ''What have the people done, Charlie?''

(This is the last painting in a series of 5)

Do you know your thinking patterns?

Thought patterns, just like behaviour patterns, can become so much a part

of us that some of us may find it very difficult to even be aware of them.

And just like some behaviour patterns can become obsessive,

relentless and problematic for us, so can some thinking patterns.

Examples:

-Why are you so negative?

-What do you mean? I'm just a realist.

-Why do you keep putting yourself down?

-What do you mean? I'm just honest about who I am.

-Why do you keep dragging up the past?

-What do you mean? I'm still dealing with some of it.

Nothing problematic with those answers is there?

As far as I can ascertain, no.

However, I do think there is a problem with the questions.

Some years ago I was asked those very questions by a friend

and when I gave the above answers I was frowned upon

and given a lecture on how off-putting my ''negativity'' was

for others.

I decided to look in to my thinking patterns and 

thinking patterns in general.

The more I read about them the more obvious it became to

me that to be a human is to have thinking patterns 

 of varying kinds.

Some of them are classified as cognitive distortions.

Such as: all-or-nothing thinking, mind reading,

personalization, picking out the negatives and ignoring 

the positives, using self-critical language, ruminating

on perceived failures/mistakes, etc. etc.

This made me ponder if at times perhaps most of us experience 

self-doubt, regrets, worry and other ''negative'' thoughts. 

Smart people say we do, but it's when our thinking patterns

start to affect our mental and physical well-being that they

can become a problem that may need some attention.

I read that it's thoughts that generate feelings regardless of if we

 experience those thoughts consciously, subconsciously 

or unconsciously.  

We then act in response to our feelings more so

than our thoughts.

Thought: I always fail > responding feeling: downcast

Thought: I should know better > responding feeling: dejected

Thought: No one likes me > responding feeling: loneliness

Thought: nobody cares about me > responding feeling: anger/sadness

The actions we take in response to those feelings frequently

intensifies our feelings rather than soothe them. This often

end up us seeking coping strategies that involves attempts

at desensitizing ourselves one way or another.

(Drugs/booze/gambling/gaming/scrolling/etc. etc.)

However, more often than not this tend to keep us stuck in a

 circle of negative and unhealthy thinking patterns rather

than overcoming them.

 Being told by my friend that I was too negative and

that others found my negativity bothersome, 

I decided that I needed to change my thinking patterns.

So I devised a method of questioning my thinking. 

   1. What am I thinking?

 2. What am I feeling?

 3. What are the facts?

I added some sayings to my quotations library

that I adopted and took to heart:

''All possibilities entertained.''

''Don't believe everything you think.''

''Not everything is negative,

 not everything is positive,

but perhaps somethings may be possible.''

''If we always do what we've always done,

we'll always get what we've always got.''

(Henry Ford)

If a 14-year old girl while fearing for her

life can write in her diary: ''How wonderful

it is that nobody need wait a single moment

before starting to improve the world.'' (Anne Frank),

one may ponder if not we also may not need to wait another

moment before starting to ''improve'' our ''worlds''

by improving our thinking patterns.

about the image:  ''Behind the shroud''

acrylic on large canvas

Romance........does it have to be with a person?

Once upon a time Paris used to be called ''The City of Love''.

(maybe it still is)

Not being a ''romantic'' person I can't say that I associate

Paris with romance, but I do associate it with great Art.

The first time I visited Paris I was very young and what

impressed me the most was how gooood it smelt.

It seemed as if no matter where one were one was always

accompanied by the most enticing scents of freshly baked bread,

newly sliced cheeses, jambon(ham) and salamis.

But I guess most of all.....freshly brewed coffee(café).

The second time I visited Paris I was 18 years old and

busy trying to ''find myself'' before the serious business of

becoming a professional musician was going to begin.

 Once again I was seduced by all the wonderful scents

wafting down the cobbled streets and alleys, but this time,

I was on a mission to absorb as much French Art* as I

could muster. (* especially from the Impressionistic and

Expressionistic periods)

This included trying to find some of the many Jazz clubs

that during the 1950's and -60's were the focal points

for many Jazz musicians from all over the globe.

I have a vague memory of seeing/hearing Barney Kessel

(American jazz guitarist) play there in some club but

unfortunately, I can't remember any details.

So, romance.

Although my boyfriend and I had broken up, when I told

him that I was going to spend two months zig-zagging across

Europe by train he insisted that he should come along.

Well, it was summer, he was still a good friend, so I said okay.

I had no intention of any kind of rekindling our relationship

but as time passed, I discovered that he did.

Ah, Paris, you city of love.

While my heart and mind was firmly focused on art, 

his was focused on the art of seduction.

I stood firm in Vienna, I resisted in Dubrovnik,

I was strong in London, but then........there was Paris.

I don't know what Paris is like these days, but then,

it was beautiful.

 It was warm, it was sunny, it was old, it was a

''living, breathing, enticing'' place full of interesting 

people, food, art and architecture.

Walking the streets of Paris was like stepping back

in time and feeling as if just around the next corner

one could bump into Monet, Degas or anyone else of

the Impressionist painters.

The City of Love got to me and then

one magical evening, I gave in to a bit of romance.

In the morning however, Venice kept calling me

so off we went and so did my feelings of romance.

When our train pulled in to the Central Station in Stockholm

a week or so later, my mind was firmly fixed on

the business of starting the next chapter of my life.

I felt that I had ''found myself'' and though I had 

enjoyed my ex boyfriend's company,

my new chapter did not include him.

My ''romance'' with music which began when

I was just a toddler was alive and well

and I, was eager to give it my all.

about the paintings: 

Top: acrylic on canvas

The man in the painting is actually in Paris.

 You just can't see the Eiffel Tower.

The postcard: the stamp is a graphite on paper

then edited in Elements.

After the WW II ended it took quite some time before

Paris was restored. But here's the thing;

through the whole war the Eiffel Tower stood tall.