Thought patterns, just like behaviour patterns, can become so much a part
of us that some of us may find it very difficult to even be aware of them.
And just like some behaviour patterns can become obsessive,
relentless and problematic for us, so can some thinking patterns.
Examples:
-Why are you so negative?
-What do you mean? I'm just a realist.
-Why do you keep putting yourself down?
-What do you mean? I'm just honest about who I am.
-Why do you keep dragging up the past?
-What do you mean? I'm still dealing with some of it.
Nothing problematic with those answers is there?
As far as I can ascertain, no.
However, I do think there is a problem with the questions.
Some years ago I was asked those very questions by a friend
and when I gave the above answers I was frowned upon
and given a lecture on how off-putting my ''negativity'' was
for others.
I decided to look in to my thinking patterns and
thinking patterns in general.
The more I read about them the more obvious it became to
me that to be a human is to have thinking patterns
of varying kinds.
Some of them are classified as cognitive distortions.
Such as: all-or-nothing thinking, mind reading,
personalization, picking out the negatives and ignoring
the positives, using self-critical language, ruminating
on perceived failures/mistakes, etc. etc.
This made me ponder if at times perhaps most of us experience
self-doubt, regrets, worry and other ''negative'' thoughts.
Smart people say we do, but it's when our thinking patterns
start to affect our mental and physical well-being that they
can become a problem that may need some attention.
I read that it's thoughts that generate feelings regardless of if we
experience those thoughts consciously, subconsciously
or unconsciously.
We then act in response to our feelings more so
than our thoughts.
Thought: I always fail > responding feeling: downcast
Thought: I should know better > responding feeling: dejected
Thought: No one likes me > responding feeling: loneliness
Thought: nobody cares about me > responding feeling: anger/sadness
The actions we take in response to those feelings frequently
intensifies our feelings rather than soothe them. This often
end up us seeking coping strategies that involves attempts
at desensitizing ourselves one way or another.
(Drugs/booze/gambling/gaming/scrolling/etc. etc.)
However, more often than not this tend to keep us stuck in a
circle of negative and unhealthy thinking patterns rather
than overcoming them.
Being told by my friend that I was too negative and
that others found my negativity bothersome,
I decided that I needed to change my thinking patterns.
So I devised a method of questioning my thinking.
1. What am I thinking?
2. What am I feeling?
3. What are the facts?
I added some sayings to my quotations library
that I adopted and took to heart:
''All possibilities entertained.''
''Don't believe everything you think.''
''Not everything is negative,
not everything is positive,
but perhaps somethings may be possible.''
''If we always do what we've always done,
we'll always get what we've always got.''
(Henry Ford)
If a 14-year old girl while fearing for her
life can write in her diary: ''How wonderful
it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.'' (Anne Frank),
one may ponder if not we also may not need to wait another
moment before starting to ''improve'' our ''worlds''
by improving our thinking patterns.
about the image: ''Behind the shroud''
acrylic on large canvas
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