Letting go

"Letting go is confronting all" I heard a Buddhist monk say.

Although there are many layers of thought beneath that statement, it touched my soul and mind immediately. Sounds like a clichee you may say and often cliche's are used as accusations, as throw away words with little depth , but aren't cliche's such because they contain insights and truths? "It's sink or swim" may sound silly when on land but in the water, they are words of truth. "Letting go is confronting all", what are some possible interpretations of those words? (These are just my interpretations and I'm sure you have some of your own...:)

The first thought that grabs me is that to let go one needs to acknowledge all aspects of what it is that is having a hold on us, including the scary, tricky, childish, judgemental, unforgiving, and so forth.

Is there possibly a "payoff" in holding grudges, in not forgiving, in retaining a slow burning anger, in not speaking to that person because....xyz, and so on.

Payoff? How? Letting go of something leaves a big "gap" and sometimes facing a gap can seem scarier and worse than hanging on to a familiar feeling/thought. If the "Smith's have always had a feud with the Browns" then parts of those families emotional life are defined by the feud. If we always felt our parents preferred a sibling often we tend to define our place in the family from that view. So why would we then deem those unproductive feelings as a "pay-off"? Maybe because we prefer what we know to the unknown. Change is difficult, forgiveness is also hard to achieve, allowing for life to just be without trying to control it, a lifelong pursuit. Perhaps if we can identify what we get out of hanging on to a thought that keeps hurting us, perhaps we can find a way to release it?

Are we concerned with payback rather than moving forward? If we consider ourselves righteous and "shadow" free (referring to an earlier post about the shadow)then maybe our stand is that it is they, he/she, that should change/apologise/make up/make the first move, etc. but the big drawback is that if we wait and no change is forthcoming, then we remain stuck in that mindset. So even if you are "right", it will still keep hurting. I read somewhere that forgiving some one is not the same as saying that what happened is OK, it just helps you to move on. So 'letting go' is not the same as saying what happened is OK, its just saying that you are ready to move forward and this can best be achived if all has been confronted/acknowledged/investigated.

If both our hands are filled with grievances how will we be able to paint pictures, play music, write books, sculpt sculptures, stroke peoples cheeks, pat shoulders, clap our hands in appreciation or welcome someone new? Maybe life is not about avoiding pain and suffering rather to accept it and like an oyster, turn in into a pearl.