Every choice you make makes you...................

''Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make

makes you.''

(John C. Maxwell)

The first time I met him he was smoking a huge cigar.

He was leaning back in a cozy chair, legs wide apart and with

an arrogant smirk on his face pontificating about

how stupid and feebleminded people are.

With the confidence of an Evangelical preacher he was

preaching the gospel of Greed and how the procurement of

 money was the only thing in life worth fighting for.

I did not like him and although he was a family friend,

I made sure to be unavailable as often as possible

 when he came for visits.

My mother (who had noticed my disappearing act)

once asked me what it was about him that

I disliked so much.

Fumbling for words to describe verbally how his

presence affected me ''physically'', I told her

that when he was in the room I felt as if he brought with

him a numinous(unphysical) presence of malevolence,

cynicism, unkindness and condescension.

(In hindsight, I guess I could have just said that

he oozed really bad vibes.)

The story goes that he had a bad upbringing and that

he joined the merchant navy at 15 years old.

From there he had done all sorts of jobs and slowly

by being (in is view) smart he had managed to become wealthy.

His motto being ''Greed is good'' was his guiding

life principle. Kindness, generosity and compassion had

no place in his life. Not even in regards to his wife, children,

sibling and friends.

When he made choices he made them based on:

''what's in it for me, and what's the payout''.

Making a long story shorter, eventually old and sick

his choices lead him to spend his last days in a

private hospital bed hooked up to a number of

life support machines with no hope of recovery.

Was it not for his longsuffering and compassionate

sister and ever loving and forgiving son leaving

their homes and flying across the globe to be by his side,

he would have died alone.

His last spoken words, I am told, was: ''I leave nothing

for my children.''

''Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make

makes you.''

Some say that on an average, we make around 35.000

choices every day.

With every choice we make there is an outcome.(Consequence)

(Even making a choice to not make a choice, is a choice

with an outcome.)

How do we make choices?

Often deliberately and consciously, but also

by gut-feeling, instinct, habit/subconsciously.

We make choices by gathering information, considering

consequences/outcomes, considering options, etc. etc.

What we often are unaware of when we make choices

is that past experiences, different kinds of biases,

 mindset and emotional state very much affect 

the choices we make.

There is research that reveals that emotions constitute

potent, pervasive, predictable, sometimes harmful

and sometimes beneficial ''drivers'' in our decision making.

Have you ever woken up in the morning and asked yourself:

-Oh, man, why did I do that? Bad choice #&!

It felt right at the time? Seemed fun. I wasn't thinking.

I was being spontaneous. I knew I shouldn't have

but I did it anyway. And so on.

''Our lives are the result of our choices.

If we don't like our lives,

we need to make different choices.''

(Kuzhandwizdom)

''Eventually our little choices are going to become

habits that affect the bigger decisions

we make in life.''

(Jim George)

Before the Man(in the above story) died, he had

come back here to Australia, contacted his sister

and demanded that she would nurse him.

Having tended to his demands many times before, 

and knowing how difficult he was, the sister said no this time.

He then flew back to where he had come from(some Asian

island I think) and checked himself into a private

hospital that cost $2.000 a day. By this stage he was so

poorly that the hospital phoned the sister and told her to

come. His son, a tenderhearted, generous and compassionate

man, ignored and belittled by his father most of his life,

joins the man's sister and then spends day and night

at his father's bedside.

With no hope of recovery, all machines are removed

and with his last breath of life the father tells his son:

''I leave nothing for my children.''

Don't wait another day to make those choices

you know you should make.

Life only happens now.

about the image: ''The last Breath''

Charcoal on paper, some editing in Elements

Everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about............

Bone tired she sits down on her pink chair

in front of the mirror.

Her feet are aching, her back hurting and the

smile on her face long gone.

Carefully she removes her feathered wig and places

it on its stand.

One by one she goes through her well rehearsed

routine of ''de-frocking'', of unmasking, of transforming,

until she finally emerges as Brian, the typical ''guy next door''.

Having removed all visible signs of ''Tooloolah the Exotic'';

his effervescent, exotic and fabulous true self, he begins

yet another transformation: becoming Brian, the guy next door.

Carefully he puts Tooloolah and all her ''bits'' in a costume bag.

With the bag draped over his right arm he

 walks to the back of the dressing room, unlocks locker 19 and

for another six days, Tooloolah the Exotic lives no more

except for in Brian's imagination.

How long can I keep doing this? he asks himself as he

steps out of the club.

While searching for his car keys in his overcoat pockets

and in deep thought, he suddenly finds himself

pushed to the ground.

His head is hurting from hitting the ground and he feels

very confused.

-Look at this fucking pathetic DragQueen guys,

not so exotic now is he!!

The pain in his head is making it hard for Brian

to see anything but he thinks he can see three

masked men standing at his feet.

As he tries to get up all three men starts to beat him,

kick him and spit on him.

He decides to curl into a fetal position and not

say anything.

-Come on Tooloolah, give us a fucking song, show

us how good you are at faking it, you faggot!!!

Brian knows that they are going to start

beating and kicking him again so

 puts up his arms to cover his face and tries

to protect himself as much as he can. 

With the taste of blood in his mouth and his

whole body screaming with pain, he passes out.

-I think he is waking up now Doctor, he hears

someone in the far distance say.

He tries to speak but he can't move his lips.

-Don't speak, just listen, someone says which

he assumes is the doctor.

-Brian, you are in hospital and you have multiple

injuries that we have tried to tend to as best as we can.

-You have serious bruises to most of your body

and severe lacerations on your face. Fortunately there

are no breaks but it will take quite some time for you

to heal. You will have to remain here until we can be

sure that there are no complications or infections.

Meanwhile we will give you pain medication and

intravenous antibiotics. You will heal, but there may

be some scarring. Is there someone we should contact

for you? We have contacted the police as you

have obviously been violently beaten up. They

will come to ask you some questions when you are

able to speak. Is that okay with you?

Brian nods his head in affirmation.

-Good. I'll come back later and look in on you.

Until then, the nurses will look after you.

The doctor gives Brian's left hand a gentle tap 

and then exits the room.

As stillness settles in the room Brian tries

to think.

How will he tell his wife about Tooloolah?

How will he tell his mum, his brother, his sister?

With the police being involved he can't see that

he can keep his secret from his family any longer.

-The pain medication may numb my physical pain

but not so my mental anguish, he thinks to himself.

-Time for Tooloolah to meet the family I guess,

he thinks and then presses the nurse button.

With outmost effort and a very dry mouth Brian

 asks the nurse to please get his wife on the phone.

-Brian!!!! Where have you been???? I have been

so worried about you!! Where are you????

Brian takes a deep breath and then softly, 

choosing his words very thoughtfully and precisely,

he shares his inner most secret with his wife.

''If civilization is to survive we must cultivate

the science of human relationships,

- the ability of all peoples, of all kinds,

to live together.''

(Franklin D. Roosevelt)

''Everyone you meet is fighting a battle

you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.

(Brad Meltzer)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

painted with a cloth and fingers only

some editing in Elements

title: The DragQueen

Fun is a mindset..........

-Are you coming dad? I asked excitedly.

-I will, he answered.

Looking at his face I could see that going

down the slippery dip did not seem to excite him

as much as it did me.

So I asked him if he didn't think that going down

slippery dips was any fun.

-What you think is fun now will change

as you grow older, he answered. 

At the time I did not realize just how profound

his statement was, but his words found a place to linger

in my subconscious and every now and then, they

pop up in my consciousness.

What do we mean when we say that we are

having fun?

As far as I can ascertain, we are having fun when 

we are doing something we enjoy.

Thing is, us humans are fickle and what may be fun

right now, may be boring and uninteresting tomorrow.

My father was right, our concept of what we experience

as fun changes as our life experiences changes us.

Some people say its fun to troll people, some

people say its fun to make fun of others, some

people say its fun to prank others, some people

view bullying as fun, some people say its fun

to catfish, some people say its fun to scam others, etc. etc.

Fun is subjective, it can be interpreted in many different

ways. It is a unique experience to each of us and 

therefore tricky to give a universal definition.

However,

Personally, if hurting others in any way is ''fun'' to

us, then I think we need to do a bit of self-reflection

and figure out why causing others pain makes us

experience this as ''enjoyment/fun''.

Trying to figure out what fun means to me

these days, I have come up with a few ''ingredients''

that I think needs to be included in the definition

of the word fun:

novelty, curiosity, spontaneity, and a sense

of timelessness.

(Timelessness as in while having fun there is

no sense of time.)

I have also come to the conclusion that to

have fun does not have to include other people.

The bird in the above image is made up by

a number of different cardboard pieces, like

a puzzle, and when put together made this

beautiful little Fairy Wren. Putting it together

was great fun for me.

Discovering that if I hosed down the beach umbrella 

on my deck at a specific angle it started to spin at

great knots spraying water all over the place, was

also great fun.

Chasing our cat around the couch, up and down 

the stairs when she is in a frisky mood, also fun.

Sitting down at the piano and just improvising,

fun.

Watching crazy Brit comedies, fun.

Listening to Djent/Fusion music together with my son, fun.

Painting, sketching, taking photographs, fun.

Doing and trying new things, fun.

My father was right, what I today experience as fun

keeps changing every day.

Fun, it seems, is a mindset.

A mindset that is malleable, open, curious and

brave.

''You don't need an amusement park nor a party to

have fun, all you need is a bit of curiosity,

imagination and gumption.

Fun is a mindset.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: A photo taken with my crappy old Canon

camera

Toys? or something much more sinister....?

 Toys.

What are they?

''An object for a child to play with, typically a model or 

miniature replica of something.'' (Often something adults

''play'' with or use. ''Monkey see, monkey do.'')

''Toys play an important role in a child's holistic development'',

is a statement that many who work with children seem to 

be able to agree on.

Where there seem to be serious disagreements as far as I can

ascertain, is which toys to label ''good'' and which to label ''bad''.

In order for a toy to be able to promote holistic development

in a child, some in ''the know'' suggest the following:

It needs to promote independence rather than dependence.

It should help the child to develop multiple skills.

It should be a toy that the child feels safe and comfortable

to play with and doesn't make him/her feel anxious or fearful.

It should be a toy that the child can play with on his/her

own without any adult supervision.

It should be a toy that enhances communication

and language skills and offers the child a sense of

exploration and fun.

Aha, you may think, there's one gadget that ticks

most of the items on the above list: the mobile/smart phone

and or the Kid's Tablet.

Question is, have they been around long enough

in order for there to be reliable research done that

determines if spending screen time on those gadgets

actually do provide any educational or developmental

benefits.

Already there are some that suggest that spending ''too

much'' screen time can be linked to behaviour problems

and delayed social development in older children.

If a tablet or mobile phone is used as a replacement for

face to face parent and child interaction, this can

potentially affect the quality of engagement between

child and parent.

Dr. Dimitri Christakis, pediatrician: ''The most important 

thing for children is time with parents and caregivers.''

Dr. Rahil Briggs, pediatric psychologist, says that

tablet/screen use needs to be limited for the 

youngest of children because it may interfere with

language skills/development and for older

children it may slow down social development.

Children may see tablets and smart phones as ''toys'',

but .... the thing is, they are small .... pocket

sized computers.

And most gadgets and computers are connected to 

The Whole Wide World.....and this....

has the potential to cause all manner of peril.

A few weeks ago I watched a news flash showing two thirteen

year old boys being arrested for having tried to rob a shop

using toy/replica guns. Apprehending the boys and their weapons

the police realized that the guns were not ''real'' however, the fear and

threat the victims in the shop experienced was very much real.

This prompted me to investigate what kind of toy guns are available 

to children.

Wow. What I found was kind of shocking.

Not only are there toy guns but also ''toy'' pump action rifles,

Gatling guns, AK-47 machine guns, revolvers, sniper rifles,

etc.

After having read through more than a dozen different articles on

the pro's and con's the effect playing with guns may have on

children, I don't know what to think really.

Having said that, one thing I think that most children will learn

 from playing with guns, is that guns, are powerful.

And when using tablets and smartphones, as the children grow older,

many discover that power can also be had by using words.

There are many ways in which power can be expressed.

Perhaps if we taught our children that there is nothing

more powerful than kindness, then there would be less guns

or any other deadly weapons needed.

''In the long run, the power of kindness can redeem

beyond the power of force to destroy.

There is a vast reservoir of kindness that we can

no longer afford to disregard.''

(John MacAulay)

about the top image: Beware of the unscrupulous man

who trick us into believing that ''toy weapons'' are

harmless toys just so that he can make more money.

A collage of 3 different acrylic paintings on canvas

and one sketch on paper.

One Heart..........

 Carefully he opened the old wooden door.

Making as little noise as possible he tiptoed into

the darkness of the temple.

Fearing discovery he quickly squatted behind a small

table.

As the minutes passed and all remained still, he decided

that nobody knew that he was there.

His eyes searched for movement, but there was none.

Slowly he rose to his feet.

Once again his eyes searched for movement.

Nothing.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of air.

As he was doing so he felt as if his whole body

was filled to the brim by a sweet, sweet scent.

A sense of stillness, calmness, flowed through him

He felt as if for the first time he was almost weightless.

Slowly he started to sway his body back and forth.

Gone was his grumbling stomach, his aching feet,

his sadness, and his loneliness.

He kept swaying a little longer then opened his eyes.

His eyes now used to the darkness he could see

that at the far end of the space he was in there was

a large statue of some sort.

Carefully he made his way toward the statue.

The statue was so big that it made him feel even smaller

than usual.

-This must be a very important man, he said himself.

Not knowing who the man was didn't matter to him,

because looking at statue made him feel peaceful.

Although the stone floor was quite cold and he

was only dressed in an over-sized old t-shirt,

he decided to sit down in front of the statue for awhile.

Placing his legs in a lotus position,

crossing his arms across his chest, he closed his

eyes and again gently swayed back and forth.

Again he felt weightless.

Suddenly, a new scent entered his consciousness.

He knew the scent, it was the scent of candles.

Candles meant people.

He quickly got to his feet with his eyes darting

here, there and everywhere.

Somebody touched him.

Instantly his whole body froze with fear.

Living on the streets had taught him to

be weary of people as they often come in many

disguises.

He remained frozen.

Until...... an old woman dressed in something white

with blue stripes on it and with a big smile on her

face stood in front of him.

-Come, she said.

Something about her told him that she was good.

-Where to? he asked.

-To get you some food and decent clothing, she answered.

Just follow me, she continued.

So he did.

Sitting down at a table and dipping some bread in a soup

he decided to ask her who the statue man was.

-Who is the statue man? he asked in a gentle voice.

-Oh, him, he was somebody who knew what we

all need, she answered.

-A good man?

-Oh, yes, a very good man with very much to teach us.

💗

Many Faiths. One Heart. Common Action.

about the image: acrylic on canvas, some Elements editing

''Recovery begins with dealing with pain and what's causing it, not avoiding it.''

In September 2011, Turia Pitt, while taking part in an ultra-marathon

event, found herself caught in a wildfire which quickly

engulfed her whole body. For four long hours she

waited before the rescue team finally found her.

She suffered burns to 65% of her body, she died three times,

lost all her fingers except for three and nobody

expected her to survive.

But she did.

Her recovery includes over 200 skin implants/grafts,

re-learning how to walk, talk, and doing ''simple'' tasks.

And as far as I can ascertain from watching a doco on her life,

her recovery was not easy and none of it was achieved without pain.

But she has recovered and is running again.

There are a number of different kinds of pain we

may experience but for the purpose of this post I am

going to stick with two broad categories: mental(psychological)

 and physical.

If we are experiencing physical pain, usually, but not always,

 the reason for our pain may be fairly easy to diagnose.

Psychological/emotional pain however, can be trickier.

Pain, regardless of whether it is physical or psychological,

 is a signal telling us that there is something going on

in our body and/or mind that needs our attention.

Your back is hurting? See a doctor.

Your ''soul/mind/feelings'' are hurting?

See a psychologist.

Whether we are experiencing physical or psychological

pain, methinks that most of us tend to reach for a

''painkiller'' of some sort as our number one coping strategy.

(Some trivia: Painkiller was originally a brand name before it 

became a generic product category.)

When I came off a skate board and my leg was twice

its size, the doctor looked at me, laughed and said: ''What did

you do? Come off a skate board?''

-Yeah, I did I answered, upon which he shook his

head and said: ''Take two painkillers and don't skate again.''

I have ended up in many a doctors practice with all manner

of injuries through the years and been told to stop

surfing, skating, rollerblading, etc. etc. and take two 

painkillers...alas, to no avail, as life... must be lived.

Ironically, the worst physical injury I've managed to ''achieve''

happened when I was lifting my amplifier and managed

to tare some ligaments and dislocate a disc in my lower back.

Yikes! PAINFUL.

This time the doctor didn't prescribe some generic painkiller.

Bedrest for two weeks, liquid morphine, valium every four

hours, physio, acupuncture, etc. etc.

However, knowing how addictive Morphine and Valium

 can be, I decided to go with normal painkillers.

I persisted with physio and ultra sound therapy for a couple

of weeks, but it did nothing to ease the pain.

So, I decided to start swimming laps.

Long story short: after four absolutely agonizing weeks of

swimming I started to feel some improvement.

So, I kept swimming. Two kilometers five days

a week for almost 15 years.

Wisdom gained from the above experience:

''Recovery begins with dealing with pain and

what's causing it, not avoiding it.''

(Citizen Z)

The problem with pain is that even if we push it

deep down inside of us it has a tendency to surface.

We may find that we snap at people, lose our

temper, feel depressed, listless, angry, restless,

etc. etc.

Whatever way our pain manifests itself, it will

out one way or another.

Often we tell ourselves: toughen up, it's not that bad,

don't be a sissy, ignore it and it will go away, etc. etc.

because somehow to admit to being in pain is to admit to

being ''weak''.

And who wants to be weak?

Thing is, those in the ''know'' say that the only way to

overcome pain is to face it, name it, and deal with it.

Instead of putting on a ''brave face'' and ''just grin and bear

it'', acknowledging to ourselves that we're in pain and

then instead of keeping it to ourselves, sharing what we're

going through with someone we trust, we may find 

the pain a bit easier to deal with.

Whatever the cause of our pain may be,

it seldom just goes away.

This is when coping strategies may come in handy.

''Problem-focused coping'' as in problem solving

and action taking to change the source of

the distress.

''Emotion-focused coping'' as in focusing on managing

and or reducing the emotional distress caused by

an event/situation/etc. etc.

Problem-focused coping strategies are usually used

when constructive actions can be taken, and 

emotion-focused coping is often used when people feel 

that a situation cannot be changed but must be endured.

In short: Is there something I can do to change this?

Let's do it.

Or

Is there something I can do to change this?

Not really.

So how do I best cope with this emotionally?

In other words: How do I best proceed

in order to recover from this?

 My view, by using both coping strategies.

Strategies not to use:

Avoidance/denial

Catastrophizing

Isolating

Making a mountain out of a molehill

Worrying as a means of self-defense

Romanticizing the past

Numbing with the use of

drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.

Misdirection of emotions, as in

letting loose feelings on somebody

or something that has nothing to do

with the root cause of our distress.

I believe that recovery is available for all those

who seek it.

''Recovery begins with dealing with pain and

what's causing it, not avoiding it.''

about the image: charcoal and graphite on paper

some Elements editing

Remembering the bigger picture..........

War. What is it good for?

In my view.....absolutely nothing.

I have, or so I have been told, a very busy mind.

And as of yet, ..... I have not managed to find an off-switch.

This can be problematic at times as it can make it very

hard for me to fall asleep at night.

Though I have not yet found an off-switch, I have found

a way to distract my busy mind enough in order

for the ''rest of me'' to fall asleep.

 I have re-discovered the radio.

 Not only that, I have found a radio station that plays

incredibly interesting and thought provoking ''talking'' 

programs all through the night. 

(Sort of like TED talks on interesting subjects but on the radio.)

Most of the time I fall asleep within an hour or so

but a few nights ago ......not so much.

-Why, is Pjutin doing this??!!! We have lost everything!!!

Every night we must spend under ground, no proper food,

no heat, no clean water, children scared, old people hurt!!

This war is crime, it is madness!!!

Bombs destroying and killing and everywhere everything

smashed, broken, and burned black.

The woman's voice broke and she burst into crying.

Laying in a comfortable bed in a comfortable room

in a comfortable house in a comfortable country,

I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

Actually, not only uncomfortable but also as if 

I had been reprimanded.

Deservedly so.

Granted, my past week had been a ''biggie'' with

my mother in hospital with Covid, the dentist telling

me I have to have a very expensive and painful procedure,

my son desperate and in pain, and my lower

jaw constantly dislocating itself causing a lot of pain.

But,

it could be worse.

I could be in Ukraine.

And have to deal with war on top of it.

What about all the people who were dealing with

incredibly difficult and heartbreaking issues already before

Pjutin decided to make their lives even worse by destroying

everything he could? 

Their homes, hospitals, schools, kindergartens, churches,

community centers, shops, infra structures, etc. etc. etc.

War is such a blunt instrument that even if Pjutin should ''win''

the war, he loses, because there will be nothing left of Ukraine

except for the ruins of a once beautiful country and culture.

''All war is a symptom of man's failure as a thinking

animal.'' (John Steinbeck)

''War does not determine who is right - only who is left.''

(Bertrand Russel)

It can be easy to become so wrapped up in one's own

trials and tribulations that one forgets about

the bigger perspective.

Like it's been said: ''He cried because he had no shoes

until he met a man who had no feet.'' 

I try to remind myself when I feel overwhelmed

by life that ''it could be worse, on top of everything

that seems so hard, at least there's no-one dropping

bombs on me.''

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

Title: ''Powerful men start wars, but the dying is done by the poor.''