An oyster may be ugly on the outside but...................................

Is life easier for the ''beautiful'' people?

Does luck befall good-looking people more than

ordinary looking people?

Is it easier for the beautiful people to make friends?

Do the beautiful people find jobs easier and faster

than us common looking people?

Sadly, but according to scientific research, the answer

is resoundingly Yes.

Humanity is affected by beauty biases.

Although, exactly what constitutes ''beauty'' or

''beautiful'' methinks is highly subjective.

As the quote says: "Beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder.''

According to some statistics, I found that

only 1 - 2% of us humans can proudly wear

the badge "very/extremely beautiful" on our chests.

The same statistics also say that 68% of us are

deemed as ''ordinary/average'' looking.

But, when it comes to classifying the term

is there not a difference between beautiful and

attractive? Pretty and cute? 

The word ''beautiful'', may I suggest, is mere skin deep

whereas words such as exquisite, breathtaking,

lovely, attractive and gorgeous includes emotions and

admiration(awe) as well.

When I was playing music for a living I worked

with many, many different people.

Most gigs were performed in night-clubs, bars and

restaurants.

Usually the gigs lasted four hours with a 20 minute

break every hour.  During the breaks often

different members of the audience would

come up and chat with some of us in the band.

Well, not so much chat, often more like foreplay..

Somehow being on a stage and playing funky music

made us, the musicians, magically become ever so

much more attractive apparently.

One of the many singers I worked with was

one of those 1 - 2%-ers. Every gig we did,

women lined up to hand this guy their phone numbers.

Admittedly, he was a heck of a singer and he was a

.............. notorious player.(of women)

Watching him with different women every time

we worked, I decided to ask him what it was

like to have women chase after him all the time.

Surprisingly, he told me that he was tired of it.

-What? Nah. I don't believe you.

-Well, in the beginning it was awesome but

lately I have begun to feel like a man**ore,

he said.

-You are a player, aren't you though? I asked.

-I am, but I am also more than that and one-night-stands

have started to bore me, he answered as he lit a cigarette.

His answer surprised me. Was it possible that being

beautiful/attractive came with drawbacks? Then

it dawned on me that maybe he had started to

feel objectified and didn't like it.

It's been said that ''it's hard to change a first

hand impression once we've made one.''

Some say that this is because of the ''primacy effect'',

a cognitive bias where the brain locks onto

early information for efficiency and speed

in making judgements. When it comes to

understanding and benevolent communication

with others....not so much.

My own life experiences have shown me that

first hand judgements though at times very

helpful can often be just as counterproductive.

There are thankfully possible ways to overturn negative

and unhelpful first impressions.

Example: ''Maybe there is another way to interpret

this xyz......I may have made a rash judgement.....''

and, this is my personal opinion...

''the more we get to know and understand someone,

something, the more attractive it/he/she/they become.''

Think of a pearl....

I don't know who the first person was that decided

to ignore the ugly, rock hard outer shell of an oyster,

but I bet ya that he/she was mightily surprised

to find a gleaming white perfectly round ''stone''

inside of it. (Don't think that that person knew that

eventually it was to be named a ''pearl''.)

Beauty, for me, is first and foremost light.

This painting is named ''Glimpses of Beauty''.

I painted it in order to display the importance

of light for the existence of beauty.

Light is vital, light makes our existence possible.

Light is a metaphor for hope, for knowledge,

wisdom and understanding.

''Outer beauty is a gift.

Inner beauty is an accomplishment.''

(Randi G. Fine)

about the images: Top: acrylic on large cardboard ''Isn't she lovely?''

middle: acrylic on large canvas  ''Glimpses of Beauty''

bottom: ink & crayon on paper ''I rather be a candle than curse the

darkness''

Difficult? Me? Nah, just different.......:)

-He was so good-looking that my eyes hurt

just looking at him, she said.

-Really? What about him made him so painfully

good looking? I asked.

-I don't know exactly, it can be hard to pinpoint.

Perhaps the symmetry of his features? she answered.

-Perhaps. I think I've heard it said that us humans

find beauty in patterns and symmetry.

-There's also a saying that '' beauty is in the eyes

of the beholder'' isn't there, she said.

-Indeed. Although, not only in the eyes methinks.

I think the same goes for ears, touch, taste and smell as well.

-How do you mean?

-Music is often described as beautiful as in the

saying: ''The true beauty of music is that it connects 

people.'' (Roy Ayers)

A nice soft, velvety piece of fabric can feel

beautiful to the touch. The fragrance from a 

bouquet of freshly picked ''Lilies of the Valley''

may excite our sense of smell and make us exclaim:

The flowers smell absolutely beautiful!

And a ripe, juicy navel orange segment may

make us close our eyes and just focus all our

attention on the beautiful taste it brings

to our taste buds, don't you agree? I asked.

-I do, she said and then continued; now lets go

and get ourselves some navel oranges, please.

Language, so says those in the know,

 is not set in cement. It keeps changing

with time, in time with the time in which it is spoken.

An aspect to the English language that I

really like is the use of bridging words, also

called  ''cushion words''.

Bridging words(softening words) can be used

to politely transition words that could be

 interpreted as negative or critical to words

that are softer, kinder and more supportive. 

They can also be used to help keeping a

conversation flowing without accidentally/

unintentionally incurring heated emotions.

Swedish is my first language, English my second.

However, I have lived here in Australia for so long

now that English has become my first language.

Swedish, in my opinion, is a very direct language.

Too much so, which I've been told many times.

This habit has taken me many years to overcome

in order for me to now be able to make good use

of ''bridging'' words.

''Toning down'' my language is good for speaking

English, alas, not so good for speaking Swedish.

Now, when Swedish relatives or friends visit

me, they often laugh at my in their opinion,

very antiquated and back-to-front Swedish.

When I was a kid I was bullied in school

every day until I started grade 8 (High School).

Teachers viewed me as strange but smart,

the students called me weirdo, stupid and dumbass.

Sometimes it made me feel very lonely, alienated

and inadequate but my connection with music

(all genres)was so strong(still is) and fulfilling that

it almost always(yes, always!) comforted and

provided me with a world that I knew I belonged to.

Although I have never viewed myself as a victim,

those early years did leave scars that every now and 

then affects my mental health.

Watching a doco on how the view on mental health

has developed through the years have made me aware

of how much the terminology and language around and

about mental health issues have changed. (Thank goodness!!!)

Bridging words have been so useful and helpful

for me to be able to communicate more effectively

with other people that I thought maybe you would

appreciate me sharing some of them with you.

Instead of:

Boring >use> Interesting

Difficult >use> Challenging

Weird >use> Different, Unique

Frustrating >use> Challenging

Complicated >use> Intricate

Long-winded >use> Thought-provoking

stubborn >use> Goal orientated

demanding >use> detail-orientated

narrow-minded >use> conventional

 I would also like to suggest that the use of

the word normal, the prefix ''over'' and

the word ''too'' as in for example:

over-sensitive, -thinking, -powering, -estimating,

too introverted, -sensitive, -complicated, -difficult,

and so on and so on and so on be exchanged for

softer/cushion/bridging words.

There are many options these days for far less

stigmatizing words for us to use when communicating

with each other such as: objective, supportive

and descriptive terms. A person's behaviour often

offer us a clue as to what need might be unmet.

Instead of telling someone to not ''over-dramatize''

xyz.......try: ''You seem upset. Would you like to

chat about it?''

''I am wondering if you are feeling a bit anxious?

Is that so?''

With the help of friends and

professionals I have now come to

understand myself as a neurodivergent

creative/artistic person.

And I'm very happy to belong with

other neurodivergent creative/artistic persons

cause I know there's lots of us.

It is possible to disagree

without being disagreeable.

It is possible to have an opinion

without being opinionated.

It is possible to be knowable

without being a know-it-all.

It is possible to turn words into weapons

but why on earth would you?

(Citizen Z)

about the images: ''La Belle Anthony''

Photo some editing in Elements

''Citizen Z''

Photo, editing in Elements

A papers memory of a fold................

This photographed image I've named: ''A papers memory of a fold.''

Without something to remember, is there such a thing as a memory?

Is memory something that belongs to humans only?

What......... is memory?

Simply put, it is the part of our mind/brain that is able

to encode and store information, experiences and skills.

It encodes, it stores and when needed, retrieves.

There are three main types of memory: short term,

long term and sensory.

Memory used to be likened to a filing cabinet but

these days research is indicating that it's more

like a super messy desk cluttered with big piles of paper.

Though it may be easier to find files in a

filing cabinet sorted logically, methinks that messy

is not without  benefits.

Messiness allows us to find those fluky ''connections'' 

that we didn't expect to connect.

Since we do not have filing cabinets

we can come at a memory task from a number of different

angles such as: did I write the name down somewhere,

can I Google it, can I remember the letter the word

start with, does it rhyme with another word etc. etc. etc.?

When we fail to remember something it can be easy

to believe that memories can just vanish but

according to those in the know, that is not

the case.

We don't lose memories they are still there,

but because our frontal lobes(the part of our brain

where our memories live) shrink a little bit with aging,

sometimes our recall time may be less than

lightning fast.

 But here's the thing......neuroscience research shows

that every time we revisit/recall a memory, it becomes

malleable(flexible) and our brains reconstructs them.

This is called reconsolidation which means that the memories 

briefly become unstable and susceptible to being

changed(updated) to fit with our current feelings

on the memory before being saved again.

When I was managing a Jazz club in Stockholm

I had an experience that etched a memory

not only on my frontal lobes but also on the

inside of my eyelids, or so it seemed.

Next to the entrance to the Club there was a

male toilet that I had to unlock every night.

As I was always at the Club an hour before opening,

to get in, I would use the back entrance.

After turning on lights and other usual duties

I went to un-lock the front doors.

When I did so this particular night I noticed that 

the door to the toilet was not closed

 so obviously not locked.

As I pushed to open the door, I realized that there

was someone laying on the floor.

Face down, blood and urine every where and in the man's

right arm, a broken needle.

His body was cold to the touch and his skin

 bluish white.

Dead. He was dead but still a human being and

 as such, I felt that he deserved attention.

Shaking like a leaf and probably in shock, I called

for an ambulance, closed the door to the

toilet and then sat down on the steps,

lit a cigarette and waited for the ambulance.

Since then I have experienced so many absolutely

blood curling, heart stopping and mindboggling experiences

that I have had to ''file'' it somewhere.

I ''filed'' it under ''what a sad waste of a life'' heading

and then just put it on my very messy desk.

A very kind and wise man once told me when he was

helping me to deal with PTSD: When you get ''triggered''

by a traumatic memory .......replace it or pair it with 

 a helpful and new updated one.

Memories are not set in cement, they are malleable.

We can't change what has happened in the past

but we can change how we think and therefore

feel, about it.

''No memory is ever alone; it's at the end of a

trail of memories, trails that each have their

own associations.''

(Louis LÁmour)

About the image: Photo no editing, straight of the lens.

Folded paper is hard to make perfectly flat after it's been

folded. Alas, can a piece of paper have a memory of a fold?