Don't diss someone seeking attention....maybe that's their way of seeking connection.....

Some of us may hold the opinion that a lot of behaviour

can be dismissed as just attention seeking.

One of a number of problems with that is that it simplifies

a behaviour that may have many underlying complex

reasons.

Dismissing a person's behaviour as ''just

attention seeking'' can be very invalidating

and damning for someone with a fragile

self-esteem.

These days we can all be critics of basically 

of anyone and everything. We can spew horrific critique

that can cut someone's self-esteem into slivers, crush

someone's dreams into smithereens and obliterate

someone's hope so severely that they loose all sense

 of meaning and purpose for their lives.

Not only that, we can do so anonymously

if we want to. After all, we all have the right to have

our own opinions, don't we?

Even if our opinions are founded not on

facts and thoughtful research but almost solely

 on feelings, we are often quick to express them

non the less.

And sadly though true, the fact that we can do

so without culpability makes it so much easier

to do than to express our opinions face to face.

Many individuals who aspire to be the best

at what they love doing, be it sports, arts,

cooking, photographing, curating, etc. etc. 

etc. it seems to me will have to put up

with someone whispering under their breath:

''He/she/they are only doing it to get attention.''

Personally, I have lost count on how many times

I have been accused of ''only doing it(being a musician,

painter, writer)for the attention''.

I have a huge problem with people assuming that

someone spending all their energy and time

on being able to master something they

love doing just for attention.

Why? Because it invalidates and dismisses that

individual's hard work and staunch commitment

to reach a personal goal/outcome.

Although I've spent years performing on a number of

different stages varying from a tiny raised floor to

in front of a camera as in on MTV, the attention was

not what I sought. The attention was the drawback.

It was all about the music and making music with

others who all felt the same way.

There may be some people who are all about the

attention, but speaking from years of experience, 

most people who become masters at their

discipline(art, sport, etc.) become masters because

of a single-minded commitment and dedication

to conquer through hard work and discipline

to earn the title: virtuoso, maestro etc. etc. GOAT.

So, now to the story about:

The American Geisha

On the day she was born

there were no fanfares.

Her conception not planned

just an unfortunate result.

Yet there she was

a bouncing 12 pounds.

From the very first moment

it was very, very clear

this girl was determined

and she had no peer.

She wanted to shine

everywhere and all the time.

She demanded attention

her methods sublime.

Going to school was such a bore

every lesson just a snore,

so at fourteen she had enough

....she took off, left in a huff.

She knew she was destined

for a glamorous life

so she donned a tutu

and started to dance.

But thing's didn't go the way she hoped

she ran out of money, she discovered dope.

Days became nights, caresses fights

disappointments and sadness an endless loop.

She started to hide behind her illusions

reality but, another delusion

so she spiraled down, down, and further down

no more joy, no princess crown.

Her face once so young and pretty

now elicited only pity

her body once so beautiful

now, only pitiful.

She decided to numb herself out of existence.

She woke in hospital

feeling rather dismal

but with one redeeming factor,

nurses at her beck and call.

As fresh blood entered her vein

so fresh thoughts entered her brain.

She was special, she was great

she was a princess yet once again.

She bought a tutu, a magic wand

a set of fairy wings,

a princess crown.

Her girth growing,

her soul, glowing.

Seeking endless attention

from everyone and everywhere

a bottomless pit, a road to nowhere.

This she knew, she knew its despair.

So she donned a mask, very white very bright.

Like a graceful geisha, a beautiful sight.

On her wings, colours blue, red and white,

no longer hiding, no longer trite.

She calls herself the American Geisha

as she dances through the nights.

Showered with attention all lit up in lights,

but when the show is over and it's time to say goodbye,

she knows she's just plain Lisa,

 and that is now all right.

(Citizen Z)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

Pain is a subjective experience.............

In 1929 Rene' Magritte painted a now super famous painting

of a large wooden pipe(tobacco) with the writing ''This is not

a pipe'' under it. This caused a bit of a stir as most people

looking at the painting would exclaim: ''Of course it is

a pipe!'' But, if one was to be really finnicky, it is not

(and this is what Magritte was trying to say)

a pipe, it is the representation of a pipe.

This is a representation of a crow, 

it's not a crow. It is acrylic paint on

a canvas.

Some hold the opinion that all art is

in some way or another.........

representational, some others do not.

It is a philosophical quandary that's been

debated for years and years without at this point,

having come up with a definitive outcome

either way.

As a lyricist(song writer) I have come to understand

just how tricky it can be to come up with

representations/definitions of a large number of words.

Take the word ''colour'' for instance, how would

one depict/explain/define it to someone who is

born blind?

Words that are not physical/tangible and or

words that rely heavily on context can be very hard

to conceptualize. (depict)

Such as subjective words: feelings, opinions,

beliefs, interpretations, big, small, tasty, bitter etc. etc. etc.

Words like: time, reality, consciousness, mind,

soul and many more. One of them is pain, which is

what I am going to try and write about today.

The top image is called ''PAIN'' and is one

of my attempts at depicting how I experience pain

visually. (Tangibly)

Pain is a constant companion of mine but I have

never thought of trying to paint what that feeling

could possibly look like. Until, that is, the moment that

I realized that every time I had a neck and shoulders massage

and closed my eyes, I could ''see'' the same vivid colours

(how is that even possible??)on the inside of my eyelids.

The more the massage hurt, the more vivid the colours.

And, now.....strangely.....those colour combinations

seem to only show up when I have a massage.

For the last 15 years or so my son has been suffering with

chronic pain all through his body. This affects him in a number

of ways which in turn affects his emotional well-being

as well as his physical ability to do his work.(Composer)

When I was a performing musician I had to carry very heavy 

musical equipment every time I did a gig(job), as well

as standing for hours upon hours while playing keyboards.

One day, a long time ago, I forgot to lift my keyboard amp

the ''right'' way and so managed to destroy my muscles

and ligaments in my lower back. 

The pain that I experienced made me collapse on the floor

and unable to move any body parts without invoking

excruciating pain for the next two weeks.

Going to the toilet was a massive under-taking as

 I had to crawl on the floor in order to

get to the toilet to empty my bladder.

However, eventually I managed to

''swim away''(in a pool)enough acute pain so that

 I could keep playing and earn a living.

Years later when I quit performing live,

 I was left with a chronic

severe bursitis all through my neck and shoulders.

Pain, used to be defined as a physical sensation.

These days however, many define it as a complex

biopsychosocial experience.

Huh? And in other words?

It is not a simple reflex(physical sensation) demanding

 our attention, rather, 

pain is a warning system with biological,

cognitive, emotional and social components.

These different components(elements) protects

tissues and drives behaviour, so says those in the know.

Pain is a subjective experience and the way we

respond to and deal with it, is therefore subjective.

For the purpose of this post I will write about

two types.

Acute pain is a temporary pain caused by a temporary

illness or injury. 

Once triaged the healing can begin and often

the level of pain begins to subside.(Usually, not always)

Chronic pain is persistent and even after

the initial injury/illness is triaged and resolved,

 the pain can linger for a number of different reasons.

 This affects nearly all aspects of the sufferer's

life such as: cognitive function, memory, emotional

well being, sleep, mood and general outlook on life.

Chronic pain keeps the sympathetic nervous-

system on high alert which affects the immune-system.

This often leads to fatigue, which often result

in the sufferer feeling socially alienated.

In my view,

dealing with chronic pain would be a lot easier

if people could contain themselves from passing

unfair judgement and whisper under their breath:

''It's all in the head.''

I wish that sometimes ''pain-doubters'' could let go

of their dis-belief in that us(chronic pain sufferers)are

 actually experiencing as much pain as we say we are,

because I believe that perhaps then us ''Chronic's'' 

may be able to feel a little bit less judged, 

and a little bit more understood.

Suggestion: What people with chronical pain really want

is to not have to fake feeling well.

(Lustercraft)

On understanding what intuition is..............

''Intuition does not denote something contrary

to reason, but something  outside of the

province of reason.''

(Carl Jung)

What is ''intuition''?

One possible way of defining it is that it is: 

Knowing something that you didn't know

that you knew or/and knowing something

subconsciously before your do consciously.

I don't remember how old I was (9?) when I first

experienced the subtle feeling of just knowing

something I couldn't possibly have consciously

 known, but, it possibly saved my older

sister's life.

Walking down one of Stockholm's busiest streets,

my sister and I were prattling on, totally oblivious

of the heavy traffic surrounding us.

Just about to enter a crossing, suddenly(intuitively

I now know), my right arm (as if spring loaded) shot out 

and pulled my sister back from crossing the street.

Had I not done so, my sister would have been

crushed by the car that drove past the very same

second that she would have been crossing the street.

Intuition is often referred to as a ''gut feeling'' and

or a ''sixth sense'' but it is not something that

comes in ''one size fits all''.

Intuition, as far as I can ascertain, is the ability to 

subconsciously know something without

 first having to analyze, reason or process 

that something.

As it does not come in ''one size fits all'',

it is something we can develop with the

help of paying attention to our gut feelings

when we have them.

Intuitions can be very subtle. They can be

experienced as a ''whisper'' telling you:

''Something's wrong, I don't know what, but I

 can feel it. ''Something feels, sounds, smells,

etc. etc. strange about this."

''I don't think I should do xyz...it don't feel right.''

According to those in the know(experts), there are

different kinds of intuition such as:

Holistic Intuition founded on extensive experience

and training. (Cops, First Responders, Fire Fighters etc.)

Creative intuition, often a driving force for people

involved in the arts and the art industry.

(Suddenly there's a spark, an idea, a new thought

(seemingly out of nowhere).

Often people who work with people in any

of the many different categories of social/

community work have a highly developed

 Social Intuition sensitivity.

(Ability to sense deception and insincerity)

There is also something called Affective Intuition. 

This is where your gut feelings spring forth from as

 in: it's guided by our internal physical sensations

and emotions.

A bit technical, methinks, so......intuition

is something we all possess but have different

levels of being able to notice or recognize.

However, the good news is that it is also

something we can with a bit of work... improve.

Surrounded as we are by all sorts of people

trying to deceive us whether on line or in real life,

I reckon a fine tuned sense of intuition is

worth a bit of attention.

Mind you, someone may ask:

How do I recognize the difference between

anxiety and intuition?

Some suggestions:

Intuition is an awareness of what is happening

in us now, ...... physically and psychologically,

and nudging us to respond to the present moment.

Anxiety is about the future, about the what if's and 

the possibility of any of the imagined fears eventuating.

I imagine that the way we notice, become aware of

our intuition trying to tell us something, varies

from person to person.

Maybe it's a whisper we suddenly hear clearly,

maybe it's like a door is slowly opening and 

we can hear music,

maybe it's a sinking feeling in the stomach,

maybe it's someone shouting: DON'T DO IT!

''I feel that there are two entities inside of me - me and

my intuition. If I go against my intuition, I get

screwed every time, but if I listen to it....

we get along quite nicely.''

(Adapted from a Kim Basinger quote)

about the image: ''Looking the ID in the eyes''

acrylic on large canvas