If you are in a prison of fear....break out!

Although she was scared to the extent of feeling ill, she knew, she had to do it.

She was sick of feeling imprisoned by her fears. The path with the burning, glowing coals lay before her. "I can do this, I can do this", she told herself and with the others shouting words of encouragement, she walked.

Not only had she managed to walk on burning coal, but earlier in the day she had also smashed a thick piece of wood in half with her bare hand.

She was excited and very pleased with herself, because she had overcome a multitude of fears and self doubt to get to this point.

"Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free", so writes Stephen King.

So, what is fear? Wikipedia: "an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm."

Or/and: fear is a human reaction that signals danger and awakens in us the "fight-or-flight" response.

When we experience fear our bodies go into protection mode and chemicals such as adrenalin and cortisol are released. The affect these have on us are: increased heart rate, our senses are sharpened, our muscles tightened, we breathe faster, our eyes (pupils) dilate, we sweat; basically our bodies are in an "action" mode.

Some of us may also experience a sense of "calm" allowing us to instinctively do what "needs to be done" in order to protect ourselves or others from danger and thus increasing our chance of survival. Some fears we experience may be helpful(rational) and others less helpful(irrational).

At times what starts out as a helpful or adaptive form of fear.... an example: being fearful of speaking/performing in public, you spend hours in preparation which increase your self-confidence; can become maladaptive(not helpful): being fearful of speaking/performing in public you spend hours in preparation, but the more hours you spend the more hours you need, and instead of feeling more confident you feel less confident. "What if I fail" pops up and refuse to leave.

Most of us have areas/things we are fearful of, but if those fears prevent us from doing things we would like(or need) to do, then it may be helpful to ask ourselves what drives those fears. (For clarity; I am not speaking of things that are either unlawful or can cause others pain and suffering)

For example: you would like to join a choir/sports club/etc., but you fear that you are not good enough, you would like to socialise more with people, but you fear that you are not good with people, you would like to speak up more at work/school/etc. but you fear that you don't have the vocabulary skills to do so, you would like to travel to other countries but you fear that you will not cope with being in an unfamiliar setting, and so on.

Some fears we experience may be more nebulous: fear of the unknown, fear about failure, fear about the future, fear about what could happen, "what-if" fears, to mention a few.

Whatever the fear may be that is inhibiting/affecting our lives in some way, if we can find out what the "root" cause of it is, we have an opportunity to overcome it. According to some, the underlying fear that is most common to most of us, is the fear of losing control. Why do we seek control? In the hope that we may be able to manage what is happening, or what could happen in the future.

This often poses a problem in a world that is full of uncertainties and complexities.

If you fear ...(insert here your fear).........do you know why? Can you remember how it began? Do you know what triggers it? How do you deal with it? Does it work?

Being able to recognise the fear is a good beginning to being able to come to grips with it.

For many of us however, our first response is often avoidance.

Example: I fear confrontations, so I will avoid it by removing myself from such situations, I fear public speaking, so I will avoid being asked, I fear rejection so I will avoid it by never putting myself in a situation where I can be rejected, I fear being alone, so I will avoid it by always being involved with someone, I fear failure, so I will avoid it by never committing myself fully, and so on.

One by one, our fears can become like "bars" in a prison cell leaving us with less freedom to pursue activities, events, etc. which could bring meaning, satisfaction and happiness in our lives.

To remove those "bars", we need courage.

Courage, wise people say is not the absence of fear, rather, it is "feeling the fear and doing it anyway" writes Susan Jeffers. To develop our courage we may have to start small, but we need to start somewhere. Because every time we succeed, no matter how small the step, we strengthen our courage.

Perhaps a good place to begin is to value courage as an asset. Next, it may be helpful to differentiate between fears and prudence. (Walking down a dark alley at night can be dangerous, so fearing that would be prudent) Finally, sometimes facing a fear can be exciting; walking bare feet on burning coals, smashing a lump of wood with your bare hand.

If we find ourselves imprisoned by our fears, the good news is that we can free ourselves from those fears by removing them, one at the time with the help of a measure of courage.

"When you are scared you stay as you are." (Stephen Richards)

"If you are in a prison of fear... break out!" (Stephen Richards)