The super hero drapes himself with his "invisibility cloak" and manage to escape the clutches of the super villain.
Do you feel like you are invisible?
But not in a good way?
Your brother/sister always get all the attention, your work mate always gets the promotion, your friend, but not you, always gets invited out, and so on?
So, how does this sense of invisibility begin? It has been suggested that if a child's feelings are regularly ignored, unnoticed, or misinterpreted, the child often experiences that as: "my feelings don't matter, my feelings are not important, my feelings are wrong, the way I feel is not okay".
Eventually feelings are pushed down, made invisible to others and even perhaps to the self.
The child begins to doubt his/her own feelings with the result of not being sure of his/her own needs.
Not being sure of his/her needs, the child push away his/her emotions but in doing so he/she also misses out on learning how to identify, tolerate, cope, or deal with his/her feelings/emotions.
Example: "A child comes home from school in tears and tells her mother that the other children call her fatso. The girl is devastated. The mother tells the girl ..?.......what would you tell the girl?"
A boy comes home from school in a mood and tells his father that the other boys call him a sissy. The boy is devastated. The father tells the boy....?........what would you tell the boy?"
Some suggest: "People who did not receive enough emotional nurturing, discipline, soothing or compassion when they were growing up have great difficulty providing all of these things for themselves as adults".
If you often feel "invisible", have you asked yourself why you feel this way?
If you have, what are some of the answers you have come up with?
"I'm shy, I'm the middle child, I'm introverted, I'm sensitive, I'm self-critical, I'm the quiet type, I don't like to draw too much attention to myself, I'm anxious", et cetera.
But, how did you arrive at these conclusions?
(Children growing up in homes in which they were exposed to frequent criticism often learn to doubt themselves and this may lead to low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.)
If we are constantly told that we are a certain way by those we love and trust, eventually we may believe them and distrust our own feelings about ourselves. When our self-esteem is tied to external factors, that is; we need validation from others to feel that we have succeeded; then there is a risk that we will have little trust in our own judgements often resulting in a low self-esteem and self-confidence. Externally generated self-esteem is fragile; "I have to do this right, be the right way to be loved and accepted", whereas internally generated self-esteem is much hardier; "I am loved regardless, I am responsible for my actions". When I was 16, I sought the counsel of a renown flautist. With much fear and trepidation, I played one of my composition for him on the piano. When I had finished playing he looked at me and said: "You have no talent whatsoever. No point in trying to pursue a career in music". I was devastated at first, (actually, to be honest, even writing about it right now, still tugs at the heart strings) and it took a few weeks to "get back up on the horse", but my passion and love for music was so strong that a year and a half later I applied and was accepted into a music school. (There were over 300 entrants but only 12 people admitted)
(Children growing up in homes in which they were exposed to frequent criticism often learn to doubt themselves and this may lead to low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.)
If we are constantly told that we are a certain way by those we love and trust, eventually we may believe them and distrust our own feelings about ourselves. When our self-esteem is tied to external factors, that is; we need validation from others to feel that we have succeeded; then there is a risk that we will have little trust in our own judgements often resulting in a low self-esteem and self-confidence. Externally generated self-esteem is fragile; "I have to do this right, be the right way to be loved and accepted", whereas internally generated self-esteem is much hardier; "I am loved regardless, I am responsible for my actions". When I was 16, I sought the counsel of a renown flautist. With much fear and trepidation, I played one of my composition for him on the piano. When I had finished playing he looked at me and said: "You have no talent whatsoever. No point in trying to pursue a career in music". I was devastated at first, (actually, to be honest, even writing about it right now, still tugs at the heart strings) and it took a few weeks to "get back up on the horse", but my passion and love for music was so strong that a year and a half later I applied and was accepted into a music school. (There were over 300 entrants but only 12 people admitted)
"We see the world, not as it is, but as we are." "We see things not as they are, we see things as we are."
What ever self limiting beliefs (I'm not good enough, smart enough, talented enough etc.) we may have they can be exchanged for affirmations; there are no failures, only outcomes, events in our lives may shape us but our choices define us, the past is not now.. because now I can change things.
Make friends with: "I don't know yet, I haven't succeeded yet, it hasn't happened yet, I can't do it yet, and so on.
Regardless of what your inner critic/self limiting belief's tells you, your thoughts are just that, thoughts, and they can be changed.
The more visible you are to yourself, the more visible you become to others. Some folks may choose to change their appearance; new haircut, new wardrobe, new car, et cetera, others may decide to become "psychologically" more visible: new attitude, new sense of self-confidence and self-esteem, new approach, and so on. If any of those "Life Style" shows such as "What not to wear" has even the smallest amount of truth in them, then for some of us with a new wardrobe often comes a new and more confident view of one self. (I look good so now I feel good) Other of us may choose to change our attitude of "I can't to I can, I'm not so good at xxx, but I am good at zzz, that was in the past, this is now."
To strengthen our core self, it may be helpful to: learn to recognise what our true feelings are without seeking validation or approval from others, and whatever the inner critic says, debate it. (We are the bosses over that inner critic, not the other way around.) When we address our needs, our feelings, we tell ourselves that they matter, that we matter, regardless of our previous experiences.
“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realise that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” (Mandy Hale)
"Never seek validation from anyone. Respect yourself by making your own choice; this will bring respect from others. Remember when you have confidence in yourself and your worth, you don't need anyone else to co-sign." (Unknown)
On top of our own inner critics we also have to deal with "cultural messages": there is something "wrong" with you if you are not: effortlessly sociably savvy, super popular, have lots of friends, are into sports, have a great body, and so on. The good news is that we can choose whether we accept or reject those messages, after all, we are all different and perhaps now is as good a time as any to question why it is considered "wrong" to be shy, awkward, quirky, dancing to your own tune, rather than embracing the many and splendid variations of humanity there is.
"To your own self, be true."
What ever self limiting beliefs (I'm not good enough, smart enough, talented enough etc.) we may have they can be exchanged for affirmations; there are no failures, only outcomes, events in our lives may shape us but our choices define us, the past is not now.. because now I can change things.
Make friends with: "I don't know yet, I haven't succeeded yet, it hasn't happened yet, I can't do it yet, and so on.
Regardless of what your inner critic/self limiting belief's tells you, your thoughts are just that, thoughts, and they can be changed.
The more visible you are to yourself, the more visible you become to others. Some folks may choose to change their appearance; new haircut, new wardrobe, new car, et cetera, others may decide to become "psychologically" more visible: new attitude, new sense of self-confidence and self-esteem, new approach, and so on. If any of those "Life Style" shows such as "What not to wear" has even the smallest amount of truth in them, then for some of us with a new wardrobe often comes a new and more confident view of one self. (I look good so now I feel good) Other of us may choose to change our attitude of "I can't to I can, I'm not so good at xxx, but I am good at zzz, that was in the past, this is now."
To strengthen our core self, it may be helpful to: learn to recognise what our true feelings are without seeking validation or approval from others, and whatever the inner critic says, debate it. (We are the bosses over that inner critic, not the other way around.) When we address our needs, our feelings, we tell ourselves that they matter, that we matter, regardless of our previous experiences.
“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realise that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” (Mandy Hale)
"Never seek validation from anyone. Respect yourself by making your own choice; this will bring respect from others. Remember when you have confidence in yourself and your worth, you don't need anyone else to co-sign." (Unknown)
On top of our own inner critics we also have to deal with "cultural messages": there is something "wrong" with you if you are not: effortlessly sociably savvy, super popular, have lots of friends, are into sports, have a great body, and so on. The good news is that we can choose whether we accept or reject those messages, after all, we are all different and perhaps now is as good a time as any to question why it is considered "wrong" to be shy, awkward, quirky, dancing to your own tune, rather than embracing the many and splendid variations of humanity there is.
"To your own self, be true."
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