Are you in pain? Perhaps asking "how" instead of "why" may help?

Mother Teresa saw people suffering and with a compassionate heart, she acted.

I have a very good friend who for many years have suffered and still is suffering, with much pain.

There is no cure, only ways to cope and managing the illness with its subsequent pain.

Often when someone we love(or ourselves) is suddenly struck down with a serious illness, we ask: Why?

Then: What did they/I do to deserve this? What did they/I do wrong? Are they/I being punished?

and so on.

For the purpose of this post I am going to leave the "why's" for a later date and instead focus on "how".

"Now when I have this affliction how can I deal with it?"

My friend asked me if I could write a post on how to nurture trust, patience, and resilience while coping with much pain. My own chronic pain is mild in comparison with hers and others, but I do know something about pain, both of the physical and mental kind.

Constant pain can make you tired, anxious, stressed, angry, depressed, lethargic, indifferent, fatigued, and listless, to mention a few. Whether the pain is physical or of a mental nature, it affects our emotions. How much it affect us and in what ways, are areas over which we can affect some change.

An example: When I injured my back I was told that it could never be fixed, I would have to cope with the pain for the rest of my life. After weeks of physio treatment, medication, and bed rest, I decided to try my own method. I started to swim. At first the pain was so excruciating that I could only manage half a lap in a 25 metre pool, but I persisted. Every day I swam a bit further and although still excruciating, emotionally I began to feel more positive. Eventually I was able to swim 2km five days a week, and as long as I did that, the pain was manageable.

For me swimming laps proved effective in helping me cope and manage my pain, but we are all different so the quest for finding effective ways to manage our pain, is up to us.

So how can one nurture trust, patience, and resilience while coping with pain?

I personally believe that a good first step is to not focus on the "why" but on the "how" and "what".

How can I affect a change for the better? What can I do to improve my situation?

Here are some suggestions: Be optimistic, trust that there will be positive outcomes from your positive efforts. "Today I could............which I couldn't yesterday." For some of us the "bigger picture" is important; "I don't know why I am struck with this illness/predicament/situation/pain, but I trust that there is a reason and eventually it will become clear to me." For some of us perhaps it is more: "I don't know why this has happened to me, but I am not powerless, there are things I can do."

"As a man thinks in his heart so is he", wrote James Allen. There is an insidious aspect to constant pain; it drains.....but like someone said "if doubt comes knocking on your door, send faith to answer it". Perhaps we can also say: "if distrust comes knocking on your door, send trust to answer it".

So how do we nurture trust? Perhaps one possibility is by exposing ourselves to literature/books/info/people that edify the hopeful, grateful, and faithful,... rather than the unhopeful, ungrateful, and doubtful. One of the many amazing and good(helpful) aspects of science, is the continuous discoveries in the field of medicine. Many diseases previously incurable can now be cured, untreatable afflictions can be treated, and medical mysteries, solved. For many, this brings hope and with hope patience. When in the pursuit of pain relief for my back pain, it was suggested to me to try acupuncture. Tired of all the strong medication I decided to try it. Sadly it didn't work for my back problem, but through it I learned a pain relieving technique that has been of great assistance for me ever since. So simple, yet very effective. Breathing. Patiently.

Focused only on the breathing. (Sometimes it helps to think the words; IN, OUT)  Exhaling the pain. Amazingly this also often works when in a state of anxiety, fear, or stress.

How about nurturing patience and resilience in spite of chronic pain?

 Resilience, defined in Merriam-Webster as: "the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens". Here I would like to offer my own definition: "patience acted out". Bouncing back.  "This too shall pass", words believed to have originated in the writings of the medieval Persian Sufi poets; words that perhaps can be used as a good tool for nurturing patience and resilience? (Those words have definitely assisted me on a number of occasions.)

Sometimes we may find that we can acquire more patience by looking at the "bigger" picture, yet, other times perhaps the most efficient method is to experience each single moment as it appears.

"One moment at the time, I can stand this." Moments become minutes, minutes becomes hours; incrementally patience and resilience is nurtured.  "I can cope with this because there is a bigger picture; a reason and purpose for why I am experiencing this, all for the benefit of either myself or others or both". Trusting that there is a "good/valid" reason for our pain/affliction/suffering, may help nurture patience and resilience in some of us.

"The most authentic thing about us is to be able to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering". (Ben Okri)

As I was swimming laps nauseous with pain, I told myself "just one more" until eventually my mind would let go of the pain and stay focused on the next stroke, then the next,.......

(There has been experiments done on whether pain is rated lower when attention is diverted that supports the hypothesis: "pain is rated lower when the subject's attention is diverted regardless of the level of anxiety experienced".)

Paul Tournier has this to say: "Acceptance of ones life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices".

 

“Never say that you can't do something, or that something seems impossible, or that something can't be done, no matter how discouraging or harrowing it may be; human beings are limited only by what we allow ourselves to be limited by: our own minds. We are each the masters of our own reality; when we become self-aware to this: absolutely anything in the world is possible."

(Mike Norton)

 

(Sometimes, when it all (life, pain, worrying, et cetera) seems a bit much, I have found a "method" that seems to be quite helpful: I give myself 30 minutes to vocalise or write down my "raw" feelings (out of earshot of anyone else); like a kid throwing a tantrum; but once the 30 minutes are up it has to stop. Somehow giving myself the permission to feel "sorry for myself " for 30 minutes every now and then, manages to renew my inner strength, patience and resilience.)