Are you suffering from compassion fatigue?

A person I was speaking with said: "What's wrong with me, why am I so selfish? Why don't I care more about what happens to people, how is it that I so quickly forget about others suffering?"

(I have to confess that I have often asked myself the same question.) Why is it so difficult for some of us at times to be compassionate for others?

Perhaps the continuous bombardment of vivid images and words describing mankind's inhumanity has caused us to suffer with some form of compassion fatigue?

"Journalism analysts argue that the media has caused widespread compassion fatigue in society by saturating newspapers and news shows with often decontextualized images and stories of tragedy and suffering. This has caused the public to become cynical, or become resistant to helping people who are suffering." (Wikipedia)

What if we are becoming less caring about what happens "over there", not because we are actually less compassionate but rather because the information about what is happening is not compelling enough and is presented in such a way that we just can't connect with it?

On a smaller scale; do you have a friend/relative who always seems to get in to trouble?

Or who seem to always have something wrong with them? You have listened patiently many times, tried to come up with suggestions for how they could improve their situation, been a shoulder to cry on and so on but to no avail? Do we have an unconscious "statute of limitations" on how much compassion we invest into people?

 “We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

The thing with compassion is that it is "other" focused, its about him/her/them and not about us, but unless we somehow can emphasise with the other; feel/understand their pain; we may find within ourselves a resistance and impatience if our advice and or suggestions are not embraced.

When I was in training to become a crisis counsellor the greatest lesson I learnt was that of "active listening". Basically it involves paying attention to what the other is saying, having a mind void of other conversations; a clear mind, not interrupting but providing bite size feedback like: "I see", "go on", "uhu", paraphrasing what has been said so that the other knows that you have heard them. "This is what I heard you say, is this correct?"
Giving advice or making suggestions is not included, and although at first it was strange to not offer advice I quickly discovered how truly liberating it was to just listen. (By not concerning myself with searching for a solution I was able to focus all my attention on the other)

 “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.” (Daniel Goleman)

Since the discovery of "mirror neurons", mirror neurons have often been hailed as a "cornerstone of human empathy, language, and other vital processes", so what are they?

A simplified example: You watch somebody hit their thumb while trying to hammer a nail, instinctively you cringe and almost feel the pain. Certain cells are activated both when we are performing an action and when we are watching somebody else performing that action, i.e. mirror neurons.

Compassion, according to the Free Dictionary is: "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it". And therein lies the crunch; the wish to relieve it.

If our friend is suffering, we can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, company and so on (we can offer help to relieve some of the pain), but what about when we hear of 25.000 refugees in tents with no clean water or food, or other disasters in far off places?

How do we help relieve their suffering? Knowing about it and feeling powerless to affect any change, we may experience "compassion fatigue" and chose consciously or unconsciously to "put it out of our minds" or we may chose to investigate what and if there is something we can do.

"True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring. ”  (Martin Luther King Jr.)

What about survival of the fittest? Isn't that how it works?

"Survival of the fittest" is often attributed to Charles Darwin, but the phrase was actually coined by Herbert Spencer and Social Darwinists who had their own agenda wishing to justify class and race superiority. (see Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at University of California, Berkeley )  Darwin's work is perhaps better described with the phrase "survival of the kindest". He writes that "communities which included the greatest number of the most sympathetic members would flourish best, and rear the greatest number of offspring". ("Selection in Relation to Sex")

 “Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquillity and happiness we all seek.” (Dalai Lama)

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” (Albert Einstein)

Compassion has a most amazing side effect:  the more compassionate we are to others the more our own feelings of wellness increase.

If you feel like you are running on empty as far as compassion is concerned, perhaps it could be helpful to take some time out and remember all the times compassion has been offered to you.

 

“It's not at all hard to understand a person; it's only hard to listen without bias.” (Criss Jami)

 (about the graphite drawing: Martin Luther King Jr. and L B Johnson ponder the situation)