The message of flowers.........

Some people love painting flowers, I, however, am not one of those people.

But the other day, a little vase with a few tulips in it, 

standing on a small book case in front of one of my living room windows, caught my attention.

Perhaps it was the way the sun was streaming through the bamboo blind behind it heightening the vermilion red in the petals that drew my attention to it?

Whatever it was, it stirred me enough to get up off the couch, grab some paper, 

water colours, a few brushes and do a quick sketch.

A friend of mine once told me that she considered me a "message art" painter,  

and when I asked her what she meant with that she answered: "For me, all your paintings seem to have an underlying message "hidden" in the images you paint."

Art, in any form, for me is an outer expression of an inner experience, so perhaps she was right?

This is another "flower" painting, (one of the three flower paintings I have made) 

but if you think they are strange looking flowers, then I agree, because this very large acrylic painting is titled "The Artist's Hand". 

The flowers are not flowers at all, but imprints that I made on the canvas after dipping my right hand in paint. But in a world of fantasy, and by squinting your eyes, they could perhaps be perceived as flowers though, couldn't they?

In an article I read about things we take for granted and only when those things have disappeared do we realize how important they were...at the top of the list were: bees, flowers, and birdsong.

Flowers? Why are flowers important? 

Well, flowers remove carbon dioxide and toxins from the air, they provide food for the honeybees, and the honeybees promulgate food crops, which as I am sure you know, is very important for us humans. 

Flowers also play an integral part in many of our traditions and ceremonies such as weddings, funerals, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and as tokens of love, sympathy, comfort, encouragement, friendship and appreciation. On top of this, most of them also offer our sense of smell a variety of wonderful and intoxicating fragrances. But wait, there is more.....

Can flowers not also be viewed as artworks made by nature?

 Painting my little tulips, the perfectly shaped petals, the incredibly striking and intense colours, it certainly seemed so to me.

Imagine a world without flowers, tress without blossoms, 

fields without smatterings of colours, gardens without sprinkles of all the colours of the rainbow, forest floors without droplets of hues from the "artist's" palette, or a wedding without bouquets of flowers to enhance and enchant the occasion?

Flowers, it seems to me, are not only marvels of "architecture", 

creativity, beauty, fragrance, colour and imagination, 

but they are so inherently and without asking for anything in return.

(Such is not the case with us human beings it seems, we may be able to use our creativity and imagination to sculpt works of beauty and art out of stone, wood, steel, metals, glass, paper, plastic, cotton, silk, water, paint, clay, rocks, etc.etc. but most of the time and most of us, we do want something in return.) 

The rose, a precious flower in many cultures, often has thorns, which make it beautiful and fragrant yet also potentially able to cause harm. 

(Some scientists have speculated that due to its magnificent fragrance it has thorns in order to protect itself from being eaten by animals. The thorns warn off the animals.)

Human beings, precious in so many ways yet also potentially able to cause harm, 

there is a difference though in my view

....our thorns are hidden inside of us......

(What is the "message" or meaning hidden in the second painting? You decide.)

As a pro, the 3-year old swipes right.... on through the eyes of a child

The toddler in the stroller swipes right.
His eyes focused on the screen, his legs crossed, and his little finger sliding across the glossy screen. He seems totally engrossed in what he is doing. 

The way he maneuvers his little finger at speed and with such self-assurance is impressive.

I have no idea what he is looking at, but I am hoping that he is playing some sort of benign game.

20 years ago he may have been playing with a toy of some kind,
and perhaps he still does when he is not sitting in his stroller, but seeing the little boy playing like a pro on the I-thingy gave birth to a very dark thought in me: a portal, the internet can be likened to a portal. (Portal, as in a gateway into ......somewhere else)

After having watched numerous documentaries on all matter of things "cyber", it has dawned on me that once we step into/through the portal, we render ourselves inadvertently vulnerable to all sorts of "attacks".
Enter the Darknet.

The fact that there even is a "Darknet" is scary enough in my book, but that there is no way of shutting it down, is scarier still methinks.

So, I stand corrected, there are two portals; one for us digitally challenged who enjoy the "good" bits as in; access to benign info, books, music, shows, connecting with others, etc.etc. and are totally clueless about "coding".
For people who are digitally savvy and have coding skills, there is also the Darknet.
 (Darknet: an overlay network that can be accessed only with specific software, configurations, and using non-standard communication protocols and ports.)

So what can one find on the Darknet? According to those in the know....everything.
Ranging from the less benign and quite innocuous to anything to do with sex-slaves, under-age sex-slaves, how to make weapons, drugs, arrange a hit on someone, launder money, join extreme groups, etc.etc.etc. can be accessed on the Darknet.
I guess in short, whatever someone may desire but that is illegal in his/her/their country, can be found and bought there. This info lead me to ponder how ingenious human beings seem to be at turning something meant to be helpful and beneficial for mankind, into becoming something malicious and with potentially disastrous outcomes.
 (If you have seen the TV-series "Stranger Things", then you will understand what I mean when I say that the way I see it, the Darknet is like "the Upside Down".  This "alternate dimension" eventually expands out of its portal and starts to affect the "normal" dimension (what we call reality) in many and varied nasty ways.)
For a child, being able to distinguish between what is "real" and what is "made up", is not clear-cut. Children are very good at using their imagination and bring to "life" fairies and unicorns, invisible friends and bogeymen. Through the eyes of a child many things are possible, although deemed impossible by adults: no, the cape will not make you invisible, no, wearing a Spiderman costume will not make you able to shoot webs from your hands, no, you can't fly although you are wearing a Superman costume, no, wearing fairy wings will not make you Tinkerbell, and then the big one...Santa is not real, he doesn't live at the North Pole and he does not bring you gifts.....we, your mommy and daddy, do.
Although it varies, according to research, it seems children between the ages of 3-5 begin to learn the difference between reality and fantasy.

I guess it would be fair to say that the line differentiating between fantasy and "reality" becomes hardened as a child grows, and is instructed on all things "real" by his/her primary caretaker/s (parents, teachers, friends, siblings etc.) and his/her own experiences in life. 

Thinking of the little boy in the stroller....probably about 3 years old....totally engrossed in his game and what he saw happening on the screen, ........what was he really seeing?

See, here's the dilemma: whatever he saw was "real" in one sense, since he did SEE it with his own eyes, on the other hand, what he saw was not real since the images experienced as real by the boy were in fact binary code. 

              Telling a 3 year old that everything he/she sees on an I-thingy/interface are mere representations of something, not the things themselves, would probably render a blank stare from the child and a "nu-uh, it's not, they are real cos I can see them". 

Computers/I-thingy's and how to use them, are part of most schools curriculum's these days, although by the time a child starts school, (depending on what country) most children already know how to use them.

In my mind, there is no doubt as to how very useful they are and in so many ways, but, there are drawbacks...some we know of and some we are probably yet to discover.

                             Almost stealth-like, hand held computers as in smart phones/tablets, 

seem to have invaded our lives.

These devices are small, easy to carry with one, and most of them have touch screens, which renders them perfect for little fingers to navigate and manipulate whether watching a video, playing a game or having face-time with someone as in a grand parent for example, far away.

The perfect "toy" yeah? 

Children can spend hours upon hours on their I-Thingy's, playing games both educational and non-educational, watching educational/informative programs, interact with their friends, etc.etc. in short, they are entertained....and most of the time....stationary. 

According to some research done at the Seattle's Center for Integrative Brain Research, signs of a problematic use of the internet has shown up in children and young adults, and the research also seem to indicate, that that may also apply to toddlers and infants. 

What they are trying to understand is the impact on young brains by fast-paced media, because what they are seeing, is the development in some of the children and young adults of a compulsive use of these devices.

For all the amazing positives that our I-thingy's offer us, do we really know what the possible long term drawbacks may be for our children?

What does the world look like through the eyes of a child?

Even with filters and locks in place, one click on the "wrong" site and suddenly through the portal floods images that may harm a child for years to come.

Even if the child does not understand what he/she is seeing, it can still potentially leave a scar that may take years to heal.

As adults, we can analyze what we see, we can apply critical thinking skills, we can use logic and reason to determine whether what we see is a hoax or not.....children can not.

Through the eyes of a child, 

seeing his/her parents in the middle of love making may seem as if they are wrestling.

Through the eyes of a child, a rainbow can be magical, a forest enchanted, 

a wardrobe a portal, a daddy or a mommy a super hero, a teddy bear a best friend, 

a cape can turn him or her invisible, rain can be tears, 

carpets magical, and things that go bump in the night, can be monsters.

As long as we interact with our children, play with them, talk with them, read to them, dance with them, go on picnics with them, jump puddles with them, 

listen to music with them, draw with them, 

and listen to them wholeheartedly and intently when they speak with us,..

... although we may have forgotten what it's like to see the world through the eyes of a child, 

they will help us to remember.

"Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff."

(Catherine M. Wallace)

Finding stillness in a loud world.......

If you are in the middle of doing something that requires intense attention, do you find that loud noises can be very distracting?

If you are trying to fall asleep, do you find noise, even if not even all that loud, distracting?

If you are reading, do you find noise (lawn mower, or other similar type of noises) distracting?

If you are having a one-on-one meaningful conversation with someone, do you find loud noises to be distracting?

If you are feeling down, fragile, sad or anxious, do you find noise to be intrusive and or distracting?

Do you find people laughing, talking, talking on the phone, etc. loudly (in your view) to be irritating and or rude?

If you have answered NO to all the above questions, let me ask you this: Do you find silence intrusive and or unsettling?

Chatting with people about "busy minds" it seems as if there are many of us who have minds that just will not be quiet. Whether we are trying to fall asleep, relax, read, and or grabbing a few minutes of stillness, our minds keep prattling on.

The brain is able to sift out some sounds: traffic noise if we live near a busy road, trains if we live near a train track, planes coming and going if we live near an airport, sirens of different kinds if we live in a big city, and so on. Those kinds of sounds although to begin with may have disturbed us to some degree, after a time often fade and we no longer seem to "hear" them.

The constancy of sounds deemed non-threatening as in: the hum of a fridge, the rattle of a fan, the whirring of a washing machine or dish-washer, the whooshing of an air-con, the sounds of a TV or a radio, etc. as long as they remain constant, we hardly notice them. We do however notice if those sounds unexpectedly change, as in they stop, or start to make sounds they shouldn't.

Those in the know say that we all have a level of "self-talk" (internal conversations with ourselves) going on inside our minds constantly. Most of the time we are not aware of it, the mind prattles on at such a speed that if we were to try to recall even our last two hours worth of self-talk, we would be hard pressed to do so. Ex: "Did I lock the car? what did I do with the keys what's the time? I shouldn't have had that last cup of coffee I feel queasy oh no I forgot the phone on the charger what if someone needs to get hold of me these shoes are too tight it's gonna be another hot day again why didn't she call last night? did I do something wrong here's the lift geez somebody forgot to change shirts etc.etc."

For those of us with busy minds (a lot of mental chatter), the absence of any exterior sounds can make our interior conversations/self-talk seem very loud and at times quite intrusive, yet, other times we may seek it (silence/stillness) in order to connect our feelings with the thoughts that may have prompted those feelings. Whether we have busy minds or not so busy minds, may I suggest that the world nowadays is much louder now then it was a hundred years ago. 

There are more people, cars, machines, planes, trains, devices that makes sounds, etc., than ever before except for in a few areas of the planet. Have you ever heard someone say: "I can't hear my self think"? (Living in a world that provides us with a stream of constant input and stimuli, it can be quite tricky to be able to "hear" our thoughts and it may mean that we have to make a conscious effort to find a way to do so.)  Even if we don't actually "hear" with our ears our thoughts, it can be difficult to achieve consistency in our thinking if we are surrounded by noise, irrespective of whether it is expected or unexpected. Ever tried to have a conversation with someone on the phone with music blaring next to you, or a child crying, or a dog barking, or someone on the jack hammer next to you?

Or trying to have a face-to-face conversation with someone who's phone keeps ringing and pinging all the time? 

We are surrounded by a myriad of sounds, some we may categorize as needing our attention and others as not, but there are some sounds that we can't help but pay attention to: cries for help, the sound of something crashing/smashing, a baby crying, an animal yelping in pain, a phone ringing, a loud bang (thunder/lightning), a scream, etc. etc. ..... in short, sounds that evoke an emotional response in us.

Some of us may feel energized by being surrounded by all sorts of sounds, and some of us may feel overwhelmed, and then there are some of us who may be fortunate enough to have access to an "off" switch whenever needed. 

If you happen to be one of us who at times find the world to darn loud and on top of that has a busy mind, may I suggest a few things that may be of use?

Awareness. Find a place/space that allows you to be able to notice(hear) your thoughts.

Visualize yourself as an observer observing your thoughts. What kind of thoughts are they? Are they predominately of a self/life-affirming/positive kind or self-chastising/negatively oriented kind?

Observing our thoughts objectively, as in a non-reactive way, allows us to entertain the possibility of discovering new perspectives, and this in turn may assist us to self-regulate the kinds of thoughts we pay attention to. 

Somewhat strange yet profoundly effective when it comes to slowing down my busy mind so that I can fall asleep quite quickly is that in my case the remedy is to replace one sound (my internal chatter) for another: talk-back radio.

(Some people find listening to calming music helpful for their busy minds, some find listening to "nature" sounds helpful, even listening to the swishing sound of a fan works for some.)

As we carry on inventing more and more devices that creates noise, will there come a day when we will need to invent a device/app that creates stillness and silence?

The mind boggles.

If wine becomes more precious as it matures, why not also a human being?

Here in Australia where I live, glorious and all as it is, 

we have only two seasons: hot and bloody hot.

The country in which I grew up had four seasons, you know: winter, spring, summer and fall (autumn).

During each season, nature changes "clothes" and temperature, so us humans have to do the same. One's wardrobe needs to include everything from bearskin (not really, but you get the point) to bathers.

Here, one can basically get away with shorts and t-shirts all year round, although, sometimes the t-shirts may have to have long sleeves. On the plus side, less money needs to be spent on clothing, so no bearskins or Eskimo outfits needed, but here's the thing: when it's cold one can keep layering up until one is warm, but when it's like +42 degrees cel. and one has removed all clothing bar ones underwear, what can be done? Turn on the air-conditioner? I hear you say. Well, yes, if one has one that is., but I digress, so back to what I actually intended to write about.

For those of us who have grown up in places where there are desiderius trees, autumn (fall) and its falling leaves can be a breathtakingly wonderful sight to see, alas, here, there are very few such trees around. When I first came to Australia I couldn't get enough of seeing palm trees, I loved them and with the backdrop of the golden beaches and the Pacific ocean, well, glorious indeed. (Now, some 30 years later, I still love palm trees and the ocean view, but I miss some aspects of the old country.)

Before a desiderius tree sheds its leaves, it undergoes a wonderful colour transformation. (Which I have tried to recreate in the above image although the leaves are not real leaves, they are made out of fabric.)

Thinking about leaves and how they change their "skin" and become even more beautiful in their last fluttering moments of existence, made me think about what happens to a human being's "skin" before he/she/us depart this mortal coil.

The aging process, (which arguably begins at the moment of conception) for many of us, especially after the age of 29, can be experienced as something to be feared and to be resisted at all costs.

Once upon a time, living past 50 was viewed as an amazing feat, (still is in some cultures/countries)

not so today it seems, today we have gadgets, machines, pills, etc.etc. that can help us prolong our longevity. Put cream on our skin to keep it supple, inject toxins into different parts of our bodies to keep wrinkles at bay, compliment our diets with buckets of vitamins/minerals/fish oils/juices/etc.etc.

have our tummies tucked, lipo-sucked, plain old removed, our bald heads can have hair implanted, grey hair can be coloured, sagging skin, breasts, and butts lifted, etc.etc.

Everyday it seems, we are bombarded with ads telling us what we should do to remain young or at least "look" younger, because ??? The world belongs to the young? Being young is better than being "old"? Somehow in my view, many of us have managed to manipulate ourselves into believing that longer lives equals more happiness. But is that true? 

A young body is often stronger and more flexible than an older one, but in my experience just being young does not guarantee happiness. We are more than our bodies, and a ten year old can be just as unhappy as a 63 year old. Being healthy (physically and mentally) and without any kind of pain or suffering may make it easier to experience feelings of what we call happiness, yet it does not guarantee it.

If what we desire in life is to be "happy", I believe a helpful step to take is to define for ourselves what we mean with happy, because even a good-looking, rich, powerful, talented, educated, healthy, young, popular person can still be/feel unhappy.  

Equally, even a not so good-looking, not rich, not powerful, not talented, not educated, not so healthy, old, and averagely popular person can still be/feel happy.

Some things increase in value as they age: wine, art, furniture, property, comic books, land, stamps, books, gold, etc.etc. but somehow, in many cultures people don't. When people age their value seem to decrease. Thing is, exactly when does a person become old? (The other day I saw an 84 year old man on a quiz show who just sparkled, he was still running marathons, he was clear as a bell, and although he didn't win, he was amazing.)

Ask a six year old what being old means and the answer may be: my brother is old, he is 15.

Ask a 15 year old and the answer may be: 40, you're old when you're 40.

Ask a 40 year old and the answer may be: 65, you're old when you're 65.

Ask a 65 year old and the answer may be: 80, you're old when you're 80.

Ask an 80 year old and the answer may be: you're old when the pain of living outweighs the thought of dying.

Life, regardless of age can only be lived one moment at the time and that in my view applies to all of us, So, may I suggest that now is the right time to focus our attention on putting our energies into doing those things that brings us joy, and letting go of spending any of our precious time on looking back.

"It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone".  (Andy Rooney)

Thoughts....some sets you free some locks you up..............

  

There is a saying that goes like this: "You are what you eat". 

After I watched a documentary on Solitary confinement (seg = segregation) and saw the repercussions some of the inmates experienced when spending extended periods of time in seg, it occurred to me that the saying: "You are what you think" seemed very applicable.

If the result of feeding a body too much fat, sugar, and salt, and not enough fruits and vegetables is

deleterious (bad), ...what happens to a mind when feed too much (an amount that has profound negative psychological ramifications) violence, conflict, confusion, a sense of powerlessness and apathy/indifference?

Most of the inmates who spent years in seg said that it was the thinking that was the hardest to deal with. Many of them resorted to hurting themselves in an attempt to stop the thinking. They smashed their heads against the walls, cut themselves with whatever they could use, stopped eating or drinking, etc. all which lead to them ending up in infirmary, but as soon as they were patched up, they were put back in to their cells in seg.

The concept of solitary confinement, strange tho it may seem, was originally a Quaker concept. It was thought that in solitary confinement the prisoner would be able to have the time and space to engage in intro-perspective reflection, and by doing so be able to "change their ways" and become "better" people.

What was not considered however, was that self-reflection that leads to insight, insight that leads to an understanding of and a desire to change ones thinking and behavior patterns does not automatically follow time spent in isolation. Quite the contrary, humans placed in isolation rather than flourish often do the opposite; they begin to fall apart, ....fragmentize (if there is such a word).

Thinking, is something we all do, sometimes consciously so, sometimes not. Often we don't question why we think the way we do, or if there are other ways of thinking about xyz...changing the way we think about things can be experienced as too challenging and for many of us sticking with the thoughts that we experience as "the way things are" seem far safer and more comfortable.

Those in the "know" suggest that there are distinctive "negative/not helpful" thinking patterns:

Black and white thinking - all or nothing, success or failure, right or wrong, etc.etc

Over-generalization - it happened once so it will always happen that way

Disqualifying the positives - positive experiences/outcomes are dismissed in favour of the negatives

Jumping to conclusions - deciding on an outcome before having all the facts

Biased thinking - previously held thoughts/conclusions determines future thoughts

Mind reading - thinking one knows something without actually making an inquiry

Emotional reasoning - if that's how I feel, it must be real.....

to mention a few.......

Our thoughts are linked to our feelings - "I am no good, I always mess up, good things never happen to me, I am not smart enough, etc.etc."  if our "thought diet" consists of these kinds of thoughts, our feelings will follow suit and we will feel "bad/down, sad/depressed/etc.". (If we drink 12 cups of strong coffee with 5 spoons of sugar everyday, drink buckets of soft drink, eat tons of junk food, our bodies will deteriorate.)

One of the inmates in the documentary described his childhood like this: "I was born into violence, I started to drink and do drugs when I was ten years old, I became a junkie and at 15 years old I went to prison. I have been in prison for 23 years and most of that time I have spent in seg. I can't slow down my thinking, it goes so fast, I can't control it, so I cut. I just want the thinking to stop."

Is it possible to stop thinking?

Most say no......"thought-chatter" comes with being a human, but it can be "muted"...with the help of mindfulness or being fully engaged in doing something that we enjoy (life-affirming) that demands all our attention.

We also have the possibility to choose what kind of "diet" we will provide our minds with and a good starting point for deciding what that diet will consist of may be to first do a little self-reflection.

What do I usually think about? Thinking about those things, how does that make me feel?

(The thought-chatter can be so fast and furious that it can be difficult to pin-point exactly ones thoughts, but usually one can discern whether they are of the positive or negative kind.) 

There is a line (sentence) that I have personally found to be very helpful when it comes to dealing with my own thought-chatter, (inner script) especially when it comes to thoughts of a negative or self-depreciating kind, and that is to confront those negative thought patterns by asking myself: "Do I know this for a fact?"

If the answer is no, then I exchange the thought with what I know for a fact, if the answer is yes, then I ask myself what I can actually do about it.

It is possible to change the way we think about things and what we think about, but it does involve us wanting to do so and then training our minds into replacing old thinking paths and patterns with new and or different ones.

This can be assisted by what we choose to digest visually as well. 

After watching a heavy and challenging show as in the case of the documentary on Solitary confinement, I often "cleanse my pallet" by watching some stand-up comedy or what ever sports may be on in order to redirect my thought-chatter onto something less confronting. (Especially if I watch something confronting late at night.)

It's been said: "Don't go to bed angry", how about
"Don't go to bed straight after watching The Walking Dead?"  :)

"Life has a tendency to provide a person with what they need in order to grow. Our beliefs, what we value in life, provide a road map for the type of life we experience. A period of personal unhappiness reveals that our personal values are misplaced and we are on the wrong path. Unless a person changes their values and ideas, they will continue to experience discontentment."

  (Kilroy J. Oldster)

Weapons come in many shapes and forms

Last week, a young girl barely a teenager, took her own life. The reason? 

Cyber bullying.

When the mobile (cell) phone was invented, I am pretty sure that the thought that it could be used as a potentially deadly weapon, didn't enter the minds of those who invented it.

The phone was a tool primarily for the purpose of us being able to communicate with others far way, and or next doors, while not having to move and or change location. Doctors, midwife's, the police, ambulances, friends, loved ones far away or up the road, could be contacted, business meetings and deals could be arranged over the phone, etc.etc. In short, the phone was a very convenient and helpful tool, and mostly and more often than not, used for "benign" purposes.

A phone, before the invention of mobile/cell phones, was a fixture, as in, it stayed in one place connected to a socket in the wall, in other words,...it had an address.  The mobility that the mobile/cell phone offered, meant that a call could be made and or received anywhere as long as there was some reception, which meant that it no longer had an address, just a number. The journey towards us being able to use the phone for not only benign but also harmful purposes, had begun. Today's mobile phones are virtually little computers, and the mind boggles (well, mine at least) at what one can do with and on a phone, which in my view, has both good (helpful) and bad (harmful) ramifications..... as seems to be the case with most inventions us humans come up with. 

One of the harmful ramifications that I see with today's mobile/cell phones, is that they offer anonymity. With a "burner" phone for example, a phone that is designed for temporary use, has prepaid amount of minutes, comes without a contract, and if bought with cash, virtually guarantees anonymity.

And anonymity for someone with ill intentions in mind, offers an opportunity to do and say hurtful things without being held responsible for it.

("A crime is only a crime if you are caught", so say some folks.)

When asked, here are some of the reasons those asked gave for why they engage in cyber bullying:

Anonymity- they don't have to face their victims so it takes less courage and they feel that the anonymity shields them from being caught.

It's funny- because they don't see the reactions in their victims they are oblivious to the damage they cause.

Social status- every one is doing it, so if I do too, I'll be viewed as "cool".

(Bullies have always been around, but online cyber bullying is a new thing, made possible through today's technology. Yay! for technology, ..... now people can be bullied both in real life and online...)

A gun is a deadly weapon firing bullets, bullets that when they enter a body tears it apart and more often than not, causing irreparable damage and or death.

A cell phone can be just as deadly a weapon, although it fires only words. Words however, just like bullets, can cause irreparable damage, tear someones heart into bits and destroy a persons self-esteem to such an extent that they no longer see a reason to stay alive, in other words, ....words just like real bullets can be deadly.

I asked a "troll" in a chat room: Why do you troll? What about upsetting and hurting people do you enjoy?

Answer: It's fun.
What's fun about it? I asked.
Answer: Watching people get upset is fun.

Me: Do you do this face to face as well, I mean, say hurtful things to people?
Answer: Nah, I just do it online.
Me: Why only online, is it not as fun face to face?

Answer: F**k off idiot!!
And with that the troll left the chat room.

I have had many other encounters with trolls in my favourite chat room and my experience is that trolls seldom enter into conversations, they prefer to hide behind their "nicks" (which they constantly keep changing due to being kicked out of the room over and over again) and just hurl as much vitriol as they can. On one occasion, there was a particularly nasty troll who kept attacking every one in the chat room but did so in such a way that he/she was able to avoid being kicked. I kept reading what the troll posted and it became obvious to me that this troll was a very smart one with a very extensive vocabulary. I decided to challenge the troll and his/her sense of "smartness". 

Me: Hey, you are a Mensa member, aren't you? 

Troll: Why are you asking? 

Me: You are obviously very smart, I'm guessing an IQ around 150? 

Troll: Actually, my IQ is 158. 

Me: Oh, really, mine is 160.  (I said this to challenge the troll.)

Troll: So you are a member too? 

And just like that the troll asked me if we could chat in private, which we did, and while doing so we found that we had a lot to talk about. (By the way, I am not a Mensa member, I just let the troll assume so. At least while chatting with me in private, he/she wasn't upsetting anyone in the main room anymore.)

According to those in the know, most people are mean to others in order to feel better about themselves., but here's the kicker.... when we insult and harass others, it says more about how we feel about ourselves than others. Even when someone spews a load of sarcasm and vitriol on us, what they are really telling us is just how insecure and lacking in self-esteem they are.

For those of us who own a mobile/cell phone, may I suggest that the responsibility of whether we use it as a weapon or as a communication tool of the benign kind, ....that responsibility rests with each of us.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but hurtful words may kill me."

(Meaning: physical wounds doctors can heal, wounds to the heart, mind, and soul on the other hand, can potentially be lethal.)

(The original by Robert Fulghum: "Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never break me." Meaning: you can hurt me physically but not mentally.)

It began as a black dot........

It began as a black dot in the back of his mind. 

As a seven year old he had no words to describe what that black dot really was exactly, or how it affected him, but he had an inkling that it wasn't good.  What he did notice however, was that the black dot seemed to grow ever so slightly each time he experienced some form of disappointment or sadness. 

The fact that he had a mysterious black dot growing inside of him, he kept to himself because even at seven he had learned that some things are better kept to oneself than talking to others about. Keeping the black dot a secret made it grow, but by chance he had found that there were ways for him to slow down the growth by channeling his concerns about the dot without using words. When he listened to music, especially sad music, he felt as if the music understood him, agreed with him, and although the sad music hurt it also soothed.

Somehow music had the power to keep the black dot at bay, and even at times, make it shrink.

Then came a time in his life when it started to rain black dots. At twelve, he had started to find words that he identified as feeding the black dot and making it grow.  Loss, grief, isolation, betrayal, disappointment, fear, anger, but most of all feeling that he was different and invisible. 

Overwhelmed and fearful of the speed at which the black dot was growing inside of him, he had to find a way to fight back or he would become consumed by the dot. He decided that listening to music was not enough, he had to play it as well. He had to find some sounds that could keep the black dot from taking over his mind. Tall, dark, and handsome, with black and white keys, the piano seemed to call him so he responded. 

Fumbling fingers at first, but as he kept searching for combinations of sounds, he discovered that hidden on the keyboard were sounds that so well expressed un-expressible words that by just playing them over and over, the black dot subsided.  Music became his best friend, his confidante, his safe port in the storm, a way to keep the black dot at bay.

As the years passed his dedication to his best friend helped him struggle through many heart wrenching situations, times of confusion, times of complex emotions, times of loss and loneliness.

But the black dot remained. At times so small he hardly noticed it, yet, it persisted. With increasing age and insight, he came to the realization that rather than trying to get rid of the black dot, he may be better off trying to use it. Did the black dot have something to offer that he could transform into something that rather than aiding its growth, diminished it? 

If the saying "a burden shared is a burden halved" is true, then perhaps if I share with others some of the content of my black dot, maybe there are others who also have black dots do deal with that may find some small comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their battle with a black dot? he thought.

He decided that it was worth a try. 

We don't get to chose whether we are born with "black dots" or not, and with that I mean depression, anxiety, dysthymia, and or other genetically inherited issues that can make for a bumpy ride in life.

But, according to a number of people in the "know", many of us do have the power to chose how we will deal with our  "back dots".  For some of us it may seem as simple as being more positive, looking at the bright side, the glass being half full etc., I however, do not subscribe to that notion although having a positive attitude is often helpful. 

My view is that what ever black dots we may be dealing with, in many cases we have the opportunity to chose how we will deal with them. For some of us it may be to seek some professional assistance, for some of us it may mean medication of some kind, for some of us it may mean some form of therapy,

for some of us some other form of life-affirming method, joining a support group, etc.

The thing with black dots (in my opinion) is, that left alone or ignored, or suppressed, they have a tendency to play havoc with our minds, and that can play havoc with our lives.

Life is precious because it is swift,

love is precious because it is fickle,

time is precious cos' it never stands still.

you are precious cos'  there's only one you,