Resilience....a champion is someone who gets up when he can't.....(Jack Dempsey)

 On top of one of my many bookcases in my living room

 stands a glass vase with a bunch of tulips in it.

 One morning, while sitting on the couch and

having my morning coffee, I suddenly noticed

how the light streaming through the opened

front door fell on the tulips in such a way that suddenly 

they seemed luminous.

Although not really a ''flower'' sort of person, I couldn't 

help but be taken in by the beauty of the flowers.

I decided to take a photo of the tulips and then use the photo

as a reference to be used later for a water colour painting.

However, by the time I had my camera at the ready, the light

had changed and the luminosity dissipated.

Well, perhaps I can find another way to capture the

beauty of the tulips, I thought.

The above image is the result of ''another way''.

Things change. Often in spite of meticulous preparations 

and planning. Being able to come up with ''another way'',

to be flexible, to be able to think on one's feet, to be able to 

''swivel'' one's perspectives, and to be resilient, is in my view

a pre requisite for ''survival'' these days. (Perhaps this

has always been the case, but the speed with which

 technology is regularly changing life as we know it, 

I think a bit of resilience can often prove to be quite helpful.)

Resilience is important.

Resilience is that which makes us get up after we've

had a "fall'', whether we ''fell'' physically, emotionally,

psychologically or ''spiritually''.

Resiliency can be learned, acquired, and honed, but

according to some in ''the know'', it's not something we are born with. 

We can however, all develop and build up our resiliency.

Like any other skill, resilience can be improved with practice.

Perhaps a good beginning point for developing our resilience is to

give a thought to how we usually respond when we are faced with

hardships and difficulties.

Do we tend to put on a brave face and swallow our emotions, do we

pretend that ''all is well'', do we fall apart, do we ruminate,

do we talk about it with someone, or do we just throw our hands

in the air and give up?

Being aware of how we think about difficulties and

challenges is in my view paramount when it comes 

to developing resilience.

For instance:

Change is an inevitable part of life, do you fight it

or accept it?

Does your negative(unhelpful) thoughts supersede your

positive(helpful) thoughts?

Are you as aware of your strength's as your weaknesses? 

Do you tend to ruminate on your ''failures'' rather then

your accomplishments?

''As you think, so shall you be.''

Words penned by Wayne W. Dyer.

Finding life-affirming ways to cope with difficult life 

experiences builds/develops resilience.

(Life-affirming as in: a flexible attitude, an open mind, using

positive self-affirmations(I can do this), getting support from

friends/relatives, owning your emotions, and remembering

all the times you've faced difficulties and got through them.)

''Eventually, she decided to come out of the cupboard.

Hands still shaking, knee's still wobbly, heart still pounding.

Sun light greeted her, nay, almost blinded her,

as she opened her salt encrusted eyes

and braved a brand new day.'' (Citizen Z)

''A crisis is a great teacher. So, learn to love your crisis.

Going through it with an acceptance, and a seeking spirit,

you will emerge stronger, wiser and happy.''

(AVIS Viswanathan)

about the image: a photo shot with an old Canon IXUS,

minimal editing

''I know you! he said. Are you sure? she answered.

 On the windowsill next to my dad's favourite chair stands

a miniature painting that I did for him.

 Instead of buying a generic card for one of his birthdays, why not

paint him a mini-painting, I thought.

(The size of the above image is the actual size of the painting.)

Since my father passed away just before Christmas last year, I have 

been trying to process the loss.

What I have concluded so far is that I didn't really know him.

I know stuff about him, like that he was very fuzzy about bread

being crispy, that for him music stopped being music in the late 60's,

for him red wine cured all ills, a good cheese was good for the soul,

socks were to be worn no matter how hot the temperature,

all insects had to die, technology was an inherent part of an American

conspiracy, exercise was to be avoided, people in general

were stoopid but politicians more so, etc. etc. etc.

I also know that he more often than not tried his best to be

the best person he could be.

Is it possible to really know somebody?

Are there perhaps different kinds of knowing?

Like: we know of somebody, we know about somebody,

we know somebody intimately, we may know what somebody

looks like, sounds like, behaves like, and so on....but does

that mean that we really, really, know him/her?

At what point in our inter actions with someone

 do we come to the conclusion that we really

know that someone?

When we know someone's likes and dislikes, habits,

tastes, behaviour patters, attitudes, values, morals, ethics, etc. etc.?

Knowing such things certainly helps us to think and feel that

we know someone. That is until that someone suddenly does

something we would probably consider to be ''out of character''.

Humans being humans, in my experience, can be and often are,

 unpredictable.

Certain circumstances, situations and pressures can influence us

in such ways that we may behave in for us un-characteristic ways.

A person who goes off to war often returns a different person,

which may also often be the case for a person who has experienced 

a serious traumatic event, illness, loss, rejection, or some other kind of

harrowing emotional experience.

Two of the most commonest triggers for uncharacteristic

behaviour changes however, is in my view alcohol and drugs. 

Some years ago I had to tell a very close musician friend to never

contact me again as her alcohol and drug abuse was out of control

and so was her behaviour. (This was very hard for me to do

as I loved my friend.)

(In truth, I have had to disassociate myself from many fellow

musicians for the same reason.)

Just a few weeks before my father passed I made a last attempt

at getting to know him.

His illness had changed him into a very angry man and I felt

that I no longer knew him no matter how hard I tried

to communicate with him.

''A wee little sparrow

though once a man.

He frets and he roars

as loudly as he can.''

The last time I saw him alive was in the hospital, merely 

skin and bones, yelling at me and the nurses at the top of his lungs.

He certainly took Dylan Thomas at his words: ''Do not go gently

into that good night; rage, rage against the dying of the light.''

I asked him if he wanted me to write down some words for my

 mother and though barely audible he said: ''Tell her I loved

her, it was always her."

Those were his last words spoken to me.

I know things about him, both good and bad,

but I never really got to know him,

and that's real sad.

I do take comfort in knowing that for years 

he kept my little painting next to him as 

sat in his chair.

''Knowing your own darkness is the best method for

dealing with the darknesses of other people.''

(Carl Jung)

about the image: acrylic on board

Bipolar disorder is not an attitude, it's an illness..........

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness also known as manic depression.

Although the exact cause of it is not known, it causes extreme mood

swings ranging from the lowest low to the highest highs.

I don't know what it is like to suffer with bipolar, I only

know what it is like to live with someone who suffers with it.

In my case, that someone is my son.

Loving and living with a bipolar sufferer is in my view often

an emotional rollercoaster ride.

I never really know when the next crisis will take place

so I live in a constant state of heightened awareness. I try

to be observant of potential ''triggers'' that may upset or anger

my son so I try to chose my words very carefully.

Little things can quickly become big things so I have had to learn to

assess my son's state of mind before I talk about things that

 may seem ambiguous to him.

Trying to figure out what goes on in the mind of someone

with bipolar disorder I realized that just like my mind is my

''normality'' the same goes for someone with bipolar.

I no more really understand or ''get'' how my son thinks about

things then he does about how I or anyone else thinks.

Bipolar disorder is a neurological illness that changes the way 

the brain operates. It can affect the way it processes information,

feelings, and thoughts. It can also affect impulse control, balance,

speech, and motor skills.

 (Brain chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine are often

affected in someone with bipolar disorder.)

Right now my son is going through a really difficult episode.

He is convinced that he is dying from some mysterious illness.

He is obsessing, ruminating, can't sleep, is dizzy, etc, etc.

Two visits to two different ER's has not calmed him

although the doctors could not find a cause for his concern.

All I have to offer in comfort is to listen and try to come up

with ideas of where next to seek help.

For me, bipolar disorder is like hanging on to the tail

of a tiger at full sprint, it may however stop at any time,

 turn, and tear your heart out.

(The reason for the title is that often the behaviour

of someone with bipolar disorder gets confused

with a bad attitude and selfishness.)

about the image: pastel, charcoal and ink on brown-ish paper.

Why it is important to have a dream..........

 The above painting is one of many that was part of an exhibition

I was commissioned to paint for a gallery a few years back.

It's titled ''Dreamers arriving in New York.''

In my mid 20's my life was pretty much a mess.

Although I had two jobs, both well paid, my own apartment,

lots of friends, and free to do as I pleased, I was slowly becoming

a stranger to myself.

Most nights I would not get to bed before four o'clock in the morning

only to have to get up again three hours later to start all over again.

I drank too much, smoked too much tobacky and ''wacky'' tobacky,

 ate too little,  and slept way too little.

I knew I was burning the candle at both ends but seemed incapable

of being able to break free from my unhealthy lifestyle.

 Often I would find myself dreaming of just jumping on a plane to 

Australia and joining my family ''down-under''.

 Start a new life, get serious about my music, but somehow

 I just didn't seem able to save up enough money for the airfare.

Then one day I received a letter from my family informing 

me that my younger sister was going to get married. 

If I wanted to be present at the wedding

 they would pay for my ticket.

As I had not seen my family for three years, I gladly although

also somewhat hesitantly, accepted the invitation.

My intention was to stay in Australia for six months, sort

myself out and then return to Sweden and start my own

jazz quartet.

That is not what happened.

After the initial chock of encountering blazing heat,

viscous deadly critters everywhere, (and I mean everywhere!)

the bluest ocean I had ever seen, swaying palm trees and

pearl white beaches subsided....I started to like Australia.

I was working in my folks restaurant, I had quit all my

bad habits, started to practice the piano in earnest,

and was living a much healthier life.

As the time for me to return to Sweden drew closer

and closer, I realized that I didn't want to go back there.

I wanted to stay. To do so I had to become an immigrant,

get a permanent visa, which I discovered, was not at all that easy. 

To achieve this I had to file form after form, do interview

after interview, find guarantors, references, etc. etc.

But, eventually after many legal battles,

 Australia said: Yes, okay then, you'll be right.

(This painting of a father and son arriving in America

is the image that lead to me being commissioned to prepare

an exhibition with the theme of ''American Dreamers''.)

As an immigrant having had ''dreams'' of moving to

someplace else, somewhere new, somewhere where I

could re-invent myself into a better self, I get the importance

of ''having a dream''.

The term ''The American Dream'', is a term I am familiar with,

so I named my exhibition ''American Dreamers.''

After two world wars with all the carnage, destruction and tragedy

that followed, mankind needed something to have hope in.

From what many of us Europeans could ascertain, America

seemed to offer the most possibilities for a new beginning.

(I mean, in the span of about 25 years Europe had gone

through 2 world wars. That's a lot of trauma, loss and 

despair to heal from in my view. America on the other

hand, apart from Pearl Harbor, had not been mercilessly

 bombed for days and nights on end.)

 

''The American Dream'' sounded good to many of the survivors

around the globe. Survivors who had been left with decimated

 families, little more than the clothes on their backs and a bunch

of horrible memories to their names.

The above images are samples of some of the paintings

from the exhibition.

''Jimmy'', a little excited Chinese boy celebrates the 4th of July

''JFK'', son of an Irish immigrant

''Johnny sings cry'', Puerto Rican background

''The Babe", German ancestry

''The first TV set'', two German boys watches TV for the first time

''Native American medicine woman'' once, there were no

States, only country shared by many different tribes.

This medicine woman is setting the states ''free''.

For many, the idea of America, a country founded on

a declaration of independence, freedom for all, on democracy,

helped them endure the many struggles that came with

leaving their birthplace and finding a new home.

Today, things are different, but what is the same is

that there are people who still have dreams of leaving their homes

 in search of new beginnings, new opportunities, more freedom,

and safer environments in which to bring up their families.

''Without a progressive vision men dwell carelessly.''

(Not sure who said this)

Having a dream for a better ------------insert here your own choice----------

is important because it can give your life a meaning, a purpose,

a direction, but perhaps most importantly.....

a sense of hope.

''Hope is that thing with feathers

that perches in the soul

and sings the tune without the words

and never stops....at all.''

(Emily Dickinson)

about the images: acrylic on large canvas

All paintings have the American flag as a backdrop.

If there was something as the Australian Dream,

the British Dream, I could just as easily have used

any of those flags as a backdrop. 

However, for me

it's the Dreaming part that matters, not the choice of flag.

Freedom is not a license to do whatever we like...............

''We want our freedom!'' the protesters yelled as they marched 

down the city street waving their home-made placards and banners.

I was perplexed. As far as I know, Australia is a country in which

we enjoy many, if not most freedoms, so what freedom was it that

the protesters wanted exactly?

Basically, what they wanted was the freedom(?) to do what they

want to do, and when they want to do it.

Personally, watching people all up in arms because they were told

by our government to socially distance, wear a face mask,

 and limit the size of assembly, really upset me. 

It upset me because there are thousands upon thousands of our

fellow human beings who struggle to survive and keep their

families alive while being subjugated to inhumane, corrupt,

militant, dictatorial, void of any freedoms at all, governments.

Take Afghanistan for instance:

Image after image streaming from Afghanistan with real people

fleeing for their lives from a regime that has as a goal

to silence the voices of dissention. 

 Protesting, speaking out against the new regime in Afghanistan

is not accepted, indeed, it more often than not will result

in tragedy for the protesters.

I guess that perhaps for those of us who have the

 privilege of having been born in democratic countries,

 free to voice our opinions without the fear of governmental

retaliation, it can be easy to forget that for millions of us to

voice dissenting opinions to that of those in power may

result in incarcerations or possibly even torture and death.

Watching Afghani people climbing airport fences with

children in their arms, running barefoot onto the hot

tarmac, even clinging on to the landing gear on departing

army jets in a bid to escape to freedom, I felt ashamed

when I later watched the news footage of hundreds of (in my view)

privileged white (predominantly) people demanding 

their freedom.

Freedom, what is it really?

Being able to do what one wants to, when one wants to?

But what if what one wants to do endangers someone else?

Even in the most perfect of democratic countries there are

limits to what we can and can't do. For instance:

A democratic government still have to have laws and 

ensure that they are enforced. 

Freedom, as I view it, is not freedom if it does not include

 a certain amount of limits and responsibilities.

In short: if my ''freedom'' in any way hinders, endangers,

or limits your freedom, then I need to rethink how I

define freedom.

The way I see it, freedom is not a license to do

whatever we like, nor is it an entitlement.

Freedom only comes as a society when we personally accept

complete responsibility for ourselves and for our treatment

of others.

Instead of manning the barricades in protest because 

we have to wear a mask, social distance or only being allowed 

to have 10 people attend a gathering, perhaps protesting against

homelessness, poverty, low wages, financial inequality,

lacking public health schemes, lacking funding for war vets,

etc. etc. etc. may be worth a shot?

I mean, how big of an infringement on our freedom is it

really to wear a mask when we're out and about, or to socially

distance when we're standing in a line, or to get together

in smaller groups?

After all, there are millions of women who have to cover

their faces their whole lives, all of us require personal space,

and isn't get-togethers more about quality than quantity?

''Freedom is never more than one generation away from

extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in our

bloodstream.

It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for

them to do the same.''

(Ronald Reagan)

about the image: In protest of his treatment, a man stitched his lips

together. This happened here in Australia.

Ink, charcoal and acrylic on canvas board.

Touch comes before sight......

She stepped in to my town house. Took a few steps, had a look around

and then asked: ''Are you a hoarder?''

''A hoarder?'' 

''What makes you think I am a hoarder?

''Well, there's so much stuff in here,'' she answered.

(Well, just so you know, I am not a hoarder. Commonly the first

comment people make when they come here for a visit for the first

time is how cozy and homely the place is/feels.)

Stuff? As in bookcases full with books, walls covered with

paintings, photos, and treasured handmade cards from my son?

Painting stuff such as paints, brushes, canvases, paper,

etc. etc. all neatly stacked on shelves?

Music stuff as in a full-sized electric piano, flutes,

drumsticks, harmonicas and a four speaker 100 watt

sound system?

Or stuff as in the regular stuff; a dinner table and chairs, two 

couches, a coffee table, and half a dozen table lamps?

What makes a home feel like a home?

What makes your home feel like your home?

Some say that a home feels homey when it is filled

with things that we love, with people that we love,

and being at home we feel safe.

Before the dawn of the internet if one wanted to read

something one needed a book, if one wanted to listen

to music one needed a sound system, if one wanted to

enjoy a painting one hung one on the wall, and if one

wanted to play a game one got a deck of cards, 

or grabbed a board game.

These days, all we need in order to read a book, listen to music,

look at a painting or play a game, is an ''i-thingy''.

(as in a smart phone or a smart TV)

We don't need to go to a book store, music store,

art shop/gallery/exhibition, or a store that sells cards and games.

All can be had for free on the internet.

No monetary or human interaction needed.

At first glance perhaps less human interaction may seem 

as a good thing, but according to ''those in the know''

(sociology researchers at the University of Texas for instance)

there is compelling evidence that low quantity

and or quality of social interaction/ties can lead to a host of

health issues.

We may perhaps interact with others more now than ever before,

but research indicates that we do so not eye to eye,

but screen to screen.

But is interaction screen to screen enough for us as humans

to flourish?

As far as I can ascertain, no.

Tactile(tangible/touchable) experiences and human skin to skin

touch is vital for us humans to truly thrive.

Whether we are for example touching a pineapple or someone's hand,

the act of touching gives us valuable sensory data.

Our journey as human beings begins with touch,

and if we are lucky, the touch of a loved one will

see us off when we depart.

We can't, as far as I know, take any ''stuff'' with us when we

leave this mortal coil.

So why do so many of us spend our lives in the

pursuit of more and more stuff?

One reason may be because some stuff can be comforting?

Most of us have a favorite pillow, shoes, pants, 

coffee mug, shirt, jumper, t-shirt, socks, etc. etc. etc.

Why do some stuff become our favorites?

Because we like the feel of them, the touch of them.

(Touch, is one of our primary sensory experiences

and ''teachers''.)

Sometimes I wonder if ''to touch'' is not something that

we just do subconsciously.

For instance: something looks soft, don't you feel

the urge to touch it? You see something smooth

and before you know it you've begun to stroke it?

You find a piece of bubble wrap, and you

just have to pop it?

Even though it is possible to do many, many things

with the help of an i-thingy, why not try the

tactile method now and then?

Touch stuff like a book, a vinyl record, a deck of cards,

a painting, something smooth, something rough,

etc. etc.

''Touch comes before sight, before speech.

It is the first language, and the last,

and it always tells the truth.''

(Margaret Atwood)

about the image: acrylic and ink on wood board

title: Imagine that

Can you hear the alarm ringing?

 I am worried.

I am worried about our planet.

I am worried about what mankind is doing not only

to our planet, but to that which we call the Universe.

If earth may be likened to an alarm clock then I believe its

bells are well and truly ringing. Trying to alert us to the fact that 

it's not doing so well.

And what about us? How is mankind doing?

Are we getting any better at getting along with each other?

Are we getting any better at sharing our riches?

Are we getting any better at treating our fellow human beings

with dignity and respect?

Are we getting any better at treating our fellow living creatures

with tenderness and care?

Are we getting any better at taking care of nature's bounty?

Are we getting any better at appreciating and valuing the gift of life?

I am worried about what mankind is doing to itself.

What kind of creatures are we that we are able to ignore

others suffering and pain as long as we are not the ones

doing the suffering?

What kind of creatures are we that we are able to rationale

profit over people?

What kind of creatures are we that we are able to kill

other living creatures and then justify it by using

words such as: protection, defense, preservation, survival?

Mankind, a paradox, a high intellect paired with a tendency

to self-destructive and often violent behaviours?

or

Mankind, a paradox, a high intellect capable of constructive and innovative

thinking, paired with a tendency to mindless emotional outbursts?

or

Mankind, a paradox, a high intellect paired with a tendency to

engage in un-intelligent endeavors.

or

Mankind, a paradox? Full stop?

''I am pessimistic about the human race because it

is too ingenious for its own good. Our approach

to nature is to beat it into submission.

We would stand a better chance of survival if we

accommodated ourselves to this planet and

viewed it appreciatively, instead of skeptically

and dictatorially.''

(E. B. White)

''The salvation of mankind lies only in

making everything the concern of all.''

(Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)

''I am worried about mankind, but not without hope.

Because as each new day may present an opportunity for 

wicked deeds, it also presents an opportunity for good ones.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: ink on board