Do you know what you know?

 

This is a playground contraption, shot from a strange angle and very close-up. But it could be many other things, it's up to you to interpret.

However, once we know what something is, then it becomes harder at times to imagine it being something else.

But do we really know what we know?

Have you ever been absolutely sure of knowing something only to later discover you were wrong?

Eyewitness accounts of incidents of the same particular incident can be remembered in as many versions as the number of eyewitnesses describing it. All versions according to each one regarded as the true one.....each one sure that they know. A new movie is released, it has an ambiguous ending, millions of people watch it and each person draw their own conclusions. The ending is debated in lunch rooms, on the buses, trains, planes, waiting rooms, etc.and most of us are sure that we know the most probable ending.

We like to be sure, we like to know, we like for others to agree with us.

What if some don't?

Often we begin with presenting what in our view are reasonable arguments, common sense, logic and so forth, to help the other see that our view is much more valuable.

What if our view is still rejected?

Often something strange happens after we have presented a "good case" and been dismissed out of hand; we become personally invested, its not just our opinion/view that has been rejected, we feel as if we have been rejected, and especially so if the issue discussed is very important to us.

(Issues such as religion, politics, money, art, child rearing, and sports, to mention but a few, springs to mind.)

Whatever the issue and the disparities, behind them all there is person. A person just like you and me with many similar needs, desires and potentials. We are all on the journey called "life", we all draw conclusions from our experiences thereof, and most of us hope to love and be loved.

 Should those conclusions be very different, ..........how could they not be?

 

There are many games hidden on a chessboard.

How to find stillness in an increasingly hectic world

Have you ever found yourself daydreaming of being somewhere else? Have you ever felt you wish you could you find a nice still place to which you could escape and just peel off your stress like some old clothes? Have you ever thought: "If I could just find a nice quiet place to think, I could work out what's going on in my life?"

Being able to finish a thought, even just a sentence, can be difficult at times I find. There is so much happening in all dimensions all at once, that it can be hard to hear even your own thoughts.

"It's in stillness the greatest thoughts are born" some wise person has said, and maybe there is something profound in that, maybe we shouldn't take stillness for granted, perhaps we need to treasure it if we manage to find it. How often do we take the time to just think about things, to allow time for that wonderful brain of ours to really ponder and follow through all the options it uncovers for us?

How many times in a day do we say: "Sorry, not yet, I haven't had the time to read, write, check, type, etc...yet"

Is it a question of time management, or maybe priorities, perhaps just whether we feel like it or not?

I have read that continuously interrupting someone "trying to think"  is very destructive for the person being interrupted, as well as unsettling. Imagine that someone asks you a really tricky question, what's the first thing you need to do? You need to think about it. Now, imagine as you start to think about your answer, someone blows a foghorn..............now imagine that every time there's enough stillness for you to begin your thinking process again, (like a house of cards blown over, you pick up those thoughts again)you start to form an idea, the foghorn goes off again..

I believe we need stillness, stillness is not the absence of something, stillness is the phenomena, the environment in which we can scrutinise, observe, and test our thoughts without interruptions.

Or maybe just let them pass through, observed but not handled,

like clouds floating by, acknowledged but not attended to.

"In the midst of chaos and movement, keep stillness within" (Deepak Chopra)

"When you lose touch with inner stillness you lose touch with yourself." (Eckhart Tolle)

Some say to sit down and wait for your soul, maybe we can add, be still and listen for your thoughts?

 

Why do we wear masks?

Actors get paid to pretend they are people they are not, actually, anybody performing on any kind of stage, probably wear some kind of mask. One could even speculate that the spectator prefers it so....

Those people on stages get to be, do, all the things us partaking in "real" life, don't....well, many of us assume so I think. But, maybe we are all on stage all the time and we all wear a mask of some sort?

Somebody once said: "Life is not a dress rehearsal" and maybe LIFE is "the show" we all are actors in, we just don't perceive it as such.

Maybe it's not so much a mask more like a camoflague, a veil, one may say, perhaps we keep our "real faces" very private. I read somewhere that noone ever sees their own face with their own eyes because we only see a reflection, and reflections are filtered through our perceptions.

So, who gets to see the real you, if not even you can do so?

Let's look closer at the "real" us because I have the suspicion that its no so much a singular but a plural concept that just happens to be wrapped up in a homogenous singular entity called the "body".

As humans we can be many things, play many roles, and switch between them seamlessly many times within the space of a few minutes.

One mask/role of the other for example: The role of a working mother; she can wake up in the morning as "the self", wake her husband as a wife, get her children ready for school as a mother, call her mother to arrange lunch as a daughter, give her sister a lift to work as a sibling, arrive at work as a professional woman, make decisions as a boss. Now these are just the outward roles, she is also a woman, a lover, a confidant, a mentor, a friend, a human being with all experiences and conditions that entails.

Ofcourse, the example could also have been a working father, but I will leave that for now.

I believe we start wearing masks the first time we are scolded for showing emotions deemed unsuitable for public display.

And one by one we add the masks until we hardly notice wearing them at all until some experience come our way that is so profound we toss caution to the wind and let our "real" face show.

One trait in Aspbergers Syndrome is a difficulty in reading peoples facial expressions and recognising the other persons responses and feelings, which can cause complication in regards to social interactions, now, if on top of this most of us seem to be wearing masks, how do we communicate at all one wonders.

Even without Aspbergers syndrome, it can be difficult to read people, because we are only ever allowed to see the face(mask)the other person allows for us to see.

Maybe its not so much about why we wear masks as much as how to wear the right ones at the right time?

Is it even possible or desirable to not wear them since we live in a very demanding society with many customs, expectations, considerations, cultural expectations, etc.etc.

 When putting on make-up(men and women nowadays both use it :), are we not "putting on" a mask of sorts? We use terms like: "let me put my face on, he lost his face, let's face it, face the music, falling flat on one's face" etc.etc. Facial expression is part of our communication with each other.

 Wearing a mask for the purpose of deception of a manipulative kind, to mislead and secure an outcome contrary to our real intentions could possibly be conceived as acting and maybe fits the stage more so than everyday living.

However, keeping our private, "real" face private and visible for only a select few may be

very necessary for us to retain our core selves so when we see our reflection in a mirror, it is cohesive with our perception of ourselves.

Parallel worlds

In the only hospital in Newtown, with only 27 seconds separating them, two boys are born.

Ray Lawrence to the Lawrence family and Troy Saxon to the Saxon family. When Ray is handed to the mother, the Nannie Jennifer is there ready to assume her duties. In a room in the public wing, Troy is given to his mother who is barely 20 years old and after having had a brief glance at the boy tells the nurse to take the boy away.

Ray Lawrence with mother and father, and Nannie leaves the hospital in the chauffeur driven Jaguar only three days after birth, Troy and mother stays the full week so his mother can regroup before they go home to their family. Ray is a planned child, the first born, Troy is unplanned and number three.

Ray's room in his new home is filled with colourful toys, walls painted in soft cobalt blue, and with big windows letting in the sun and the wonderful view of the garden. Troy will sleep in a cot that has already seen two boys become toddlers, he will share room with his two brothers and the only natural light in the room comes from a small window with a view of the next block of units. The walls have wallpaper buckling from the damp and there's a funky smell in the room.

At four years old Ray is enrolled in the best pre-school in Newtown, Troy is enrolled at the closest pre-school to his block of units. At six years of age Ray can recite Shakespeare, at the same age Troy knows what to say when welfare comes to check up on them. Ten years old and Ray enters a spelling competition, ten years old and Troy can't spell, finds reading boring and discovers cigarettes. Ray's father takes him on a fishing trip, just the two of then at age 11, Troy at 11 learns how to avoid his stepfathers blows. When Ray finishes high school with honours, his parents give him a car as a reward, Troy, though with almost failing grades, also manages to graduate high school, and as a reward his mother buys him a six pack and four packets of  cigarettes. Ray enters college to study law, Troy starts to look for work. Ray is popular at college and has many friends, and on the breaks he goes abroad and every Christmas he enjoys r&r with his family who adores him. Troy knocks on every door he can think of, but he cant find any work. He wants to leave home but cant afford it. He feels disturbed at home by his siblings constant squabbling and his mothers drunken outbursts, so he starts to go to the Pub just for a bit of peace. At the age of 26 Ray Lawrence has his first case in court, Troy Saxon stands before him on a charge of "Drunk and Disorderly".

What if the roles would have been reversed?

Speaking one's mind

Have you ever heard someone say: "It's a free country, I can say what I want..." I have, many times, but what does that really mean ? Can we say anything regardless of how that may affect the person on the receiving end of our words? Voltaire (paraphrased) said: " I disapprove of what you say but I will defend to death your right to say it." John Stuart Mills:"the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilised community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others".     Is there a difference between "free speech" when we speak socially and when we speak politically? Every society seems to impose some form of limitations on free speech according to its competing cultural values but does it trickle down to the every-day living level? 

Should there be limitations, and if so, who will police them? Does free speech contain its own value or does it need an assumed notion of what constitutes "good"? Many questions arise as I ponder free speech so I will restrict myself to the individual, everyday "going-about-your business" level of communication. 

Let's say your friend have just had a new haircut and feels really happy with it; you think it looks terrible, will you tell your friend? Your sister has joined a church group though you were both raised as atheists, your best friend decides to vote for a party you both used to make fun of, you find out your boss is having an affair, your teenage daughter/son tells you she/he is going to Israel to live in a Kibbutz, your cousin converts to Islam; will you feel an urge to speak your mind? It can be difficult at times to not tell others where they are going wrong, making foolish decisions, not thinking straight, or not seeing the bigger picture, etc..

I often wonder why we feel a need to correct peoples opinions and not just listen to them. Take something simple like supporting different sports teams; "team A is much better than team B" says the team A supporter whereupon the team B supporter instantly retorts with " no they're not, team B has much more depth and more talented players" and so the dance goes. The chances of any of the supporters changing allegiances being very slim to none, could not the team B supporter have responded with: "I agree, there are some really good players in team A"?

"Speaking ones mind" may not necessarily mean all of it and all at once, maybe freedom of speech includes a certain amount of responsibility on behalf of the speaker to bear in mind the effect the words may have on the recipient or recipients. Perhaps on an individual level we need to be our own monitors to make sure we don't use the principle of free speech as a tool for intimidation, correction, humiliation or self-aggrandisement.

"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" sang Julie Andrews in "Mary Poppins",

maybe "just a spoonful of tolerance helps the world go around"?

The problem with "normal"....

In a time when individuality is treasured more than ever before, I can't help but wonder why at the same time the word "normal" gets so much play. What is normal anyway and whats so good about it?

Normal as far as I can gather means; common, usual, average, common standard and the term normal behaviour; expected behaviour given the circumstances. How often do we hear the comment: normal people, normal thinking, normal jobs, normal behaviours, etc.etc, what does it really mean though, because read between the lines, normal seem to mean the only really acceptable way.

If  the word normal remains true to the definition "average" then there is no bias attached, it's just a statistical definition, so how did the word morph from a statistic to become a sharp implement?

("Normal" or rather not being so, is often a tool used by bullies to intimidate others with)

When the child is too free spirited at a birthday party, we tell him/her, calm down, behave like the other children, act normal. When the teenager suddenly starts to dress in only black, paint his face white and wear make-up, we ask ourselves why he is behaving so strangely, when will he be normal again. When a person bursts out into a flood of tears in the local food court, we avoid coming too close, because the person is obviously not normal. Not the mention all the people who talk to themselves, speak in an" abnormally" loud voice, laughs too much, speaks too fast, smiles too big or too much, is too kind, and especially those who seem filled with an excessive amount of happiness or joy.     Hmmm......really, what's so good about being normal, because it seems to me that so many of those "abnormal" people have come up with ideas that seemed "abnormal" at the time, only for us normal people to later realise were not "abnormal" at all rather ingenious as a matter of fact.

Growing old and showing the signs thereof is to be avoided nowadays although it is part of the human experience. We dye our hair, inject poisons, cut and slice, lift and tuck, hide and deny, because to be an elder in our contemporary society is no longer a badge of honour, rather a reminder of life's impermanence and normal people don't want to be reminded of it. Everywhere we go we are reminded of what  "successful normal" looks like, the information comes screaming into our lives every minute of the day through one of the myriad of "i-thingys" available, or the TV, or the radio, or the papers and so on. If you're too big, too small, too foreign, too common, too loud, too quiet, too smart, too dumb, too artistic, too sensitive, too complicated, too truthful, too honest, too straight forward, too awkward, too colourful, too bland, too poor, too strange, too short, too tall, too nerdy, too geeky, etc.etc.....

you are not normal. If normal=average then behaviours on either side of the average are just statistically less common and requires no attachment of moral judgements.

 Which brings me back to the beginning of this blog..if we treasure individuality so much why do we alienate those who fall on either side of  "normal"? The problem with "normal" is that it frowns on originality, creativity and daring visionaries and I wonder if that really is in the best interest of mankind; after all, those "abnormal" people have given us electricity, combustion engines, aeroplanes, space shuttles, digital interfaces, mobile phones, computers, i-thingys and wonderful works of art, music, dance, architecture, movies...well, thank goodness for people on either side of the bell curve I say.

Love, what is it?

Love it seems, is experienced in many different ways but is there a common thread? Obviously I love my cat differently to the way I love my partner, my child, my family or my fellow man. Do all forms of love contain an element of seeking the others well being even if that may entail some form of sacrifice on our behalf? To truly love, is it necessary to be willing to forgo the demands of the ego?

Love for her child gave a mother the strength to lift something three times her own weight to save her. Love for his wife gave the husband the strength to quit his job and nurse his ill wife. Love for his friend gave the soldier the courage to run into a burning building and rescue him. Love for his music prompted the pianist to practise his instrument eight hours a day. Love for her job and the animals she cared for resulted in her family of dogs growing bigger and bigger. Love for his little sister urged him to let her have the last piece of candy.

Often when I ask people to define what "love" is for them, a common response is to assume I'm referring to love between partners. The "in-love" kind. There must be thousands upon thousands of poems, songs, books written on the subject......maybe its the type of love we experience most deeply?

Hmm...I can't see any possible way to discern such since love is such an individual experience.

I have noticed though that often expectations tend to slip in with "in-love" love; if you love me you will......trust, support, understand, be patient, forgive, apologise, wait, etc. etc. Although with friends we also have expectations; loyalty, honesty, respect, understanding and so forth. What about parents?

A certain amount of expectations as well I think: obedience, respect, consideration, to not shame....

So, what about pets? Sadly, we have expectations there too: obedience and loyalty.

Is there any kind of love free from expectations?

Is it possible to love without love returned? Strangely, yes.....if the ego is ignored and expectations set aside, humans are still able to love. C.S. Lewis calls this kind of love "charity"....love that does not seek it's own way, always forgives, endures, hopes and is long suffering.

The term "falling in love" sounds fragile, if you "fall" into love, do you just as easily "fall" out of love? Can we not choose to love? Can love be a matter for our will and not our hearts? Maybe both?

Or maybe its wanting, choosing, "falling" all at once? Loving which involves the "Eros" seems the most volatile kind of love, maybe that's why so much pen and ink(binary code)has been spent on trying to define it. Whatever love is, research has shown that mankind can not live without it, be it affectionate, charitable, "in-love" or friendship kind of love. In Cabaret Liza Minnelli sings: "Money makes the world go around, the world go around...", maybe we could exchange the money for love?

"Loving makes the world go around, the world go around..."