''Shelby Crisis Center, how may I help you?''
''Umm, well, I'm not sure, I've never called one of these places before.''
''Okay, sure, I'm here to help. Why don't you begin by telling me what's on your mind?
''Umm, so, like, I have this hollow kinda sad feeling that I don't seem to be able to shake.''
''I see, so what I am hearing you say, is that you have a hollow sad feeling that you can't
seem to get rid off, is that correct?
''Yeah, it started a few months ago. I see myself as an easy-going kinda guy, not into all
that touchy-feely stuff, more like it is what it is person, but I feel like there's
something missing all the time. I mean, I never used to worry about you know, getting
sick and stuff, but with the pandemic and all, everything feels so uncertain.''
''This feeling of uncertainty makes you feel uncomfortable?''
''Yeah. Like, when I was a kid, it wasn't easy. My folks were okay I guess, but they
were always busy. My sister and I had to basically figure out most things
for ourselves. In a way, I was more of a parent to my sister then my parents.
At least that's what it felt like for me.''
"That must have been difficult for you.''
''It was. Like, a lot of the time I had to be strong although I felt confused and sad.
It did get a bit easier when we got older though. I started to spend a lot of time on the
computer, playing games and stuff. My sister, well, she got her own friends and
computer.
At first I didn't mind that all of us in the family were doing our own thing.
Eventually though, I started to notice that none of us really talked to each
other any more. Like, we were all more like house mates rather than a family.''
''It sounds to me as if you started to feel a bit disconnected from the rest of your
family, is that correct?''
''I guess. I mean, there were times when we would all sit at the table and have dinner,
but usually we would all keep checking our phones. We did very little actual talking
with each other. Not that I have a lot of important stuff to talk about .....but
I've started to feel as if we've become strangers. I mean, my sister spends most
of her time in her bedroom with the door closed and we don't even watch
movies together any more.''
''I see. You miss the closeness that you used to have with your sister, is that right?''
''I guess you could say that. Don't get me wrong, I ain't no sissy, but it felt good to
know that she was around and that she got me and I got her.
Like, we could talk for hours about everything, we would watch movies together,
and sometimes we would just hang out....like, we were tight. These days, the phone
seems to be her best friend. And mum and dad, well, they do most of their stuff
separately not together any more..... Hey, can I ask you something?''
''Of course, what would you like to know?''
''What does alienation mean? I heard one of the teachers use that word the other day
and I'm wondering what it means. I googled it but I'm still not clear on exactly
what it means.''
''There are different ways of understanding that word, so I'll offer you the way
I interpret it. To feel alienated, is to feel as if you are disconnected from others.
Not included, sometimes even feeling rejected by the people you care about.
Does this definition of the term alienated fit with your feelings?''
''Dunno. Perhaps. What about loneliness? Is that the same as feeling alienated?
See, this is what confuses me. Can you feel both? Can you feel lonely
and alienated at the same time?''
''In my opinion, yes. They often blend into each other, but not necessarily.''
''Huh? What do you mean?''
''Well, it is possible to have hundreds of friends on social media platforms or
in real life and yet, feel lonely, when we are on our own. It is also possible
for a person to feel alienated in a so called ''happy'' family.''
''So, this hollow kinda sad feeling that I seem to feel all the time, is it possible..
.....nah, it seems crazy.....I mean, I'm always messaging or being messaged
......is it possible, that I'm still feeling.....lonely?? Or...lonely and alienated??''
''I don't know. What do you think?''
''I'm not sure. Do you think that if we were to talk to each other more in my family
and do more stuff together, I wouldn't feel this way?''
''Perhaps. Have you talked to your parents or your sister about what you are feeling?
''Nah.
''Do you talk to any of your on-line or real life friends about how you are feeling?
''No.
''Why not if I may ask?''
''It's not the sort of things one talks about. Well, not me anyways. There's so many
trolls on line. You say one thing they don't like and the next thing you know ,you're
being bullied. It's hard enough just dealing with everyday stuff. I don't need the
extra aggravation having some anonymous trolls giving me a hard time. I can just
imagine the shit people would say if I'd say that I feel lonely. Lonely people are
losers.''
''You think that lonely people are losers, is that right?''
''Well, perhaps not so much losers as needy. Needy people always need more...like they
don't seem to know how to pull back on their neediness.
I definitely don't want others to see me as a lonely needy guy.''
''I see. How would you like others to see you?''
''What sort of question is that? I mean, obviously I want others to see me as I am.''
''Aha. I see. So how would you describe yourself?''
''I know how to take care of myself. I'm no loser lonely guy. I can roll with
the punches. Just because I feel hollow and sad inside sometimes, don't mean
that I'm weak or needy.''
''I agree. It doesn't. So let me ask you this question.
Do you think that it is possible, that feeling hollow and sad inside sometimes,
rather than being a sign of weakness, or neediness, may perhaps be a sign of a
subconscious desire in you for more meaningful and deeper human connections?
''What does more meaningful and deeper human connections mean?''
''In my view, it means connecting with people on a mutual and shared level of trust,
common values, interests, respect and compassion.''
''So my hollow and sad feeling is telling me.... to what? Open up more?
Talk about my feelings?''
''Is that something you think you could do?''
''I dunno. Perhaps. Perhaps I could talk to Pippi, my sister. Perhaps we could
become tight again. I don't know. It would be nice though to feel close to her
again. Anyway, I guess it's worth a shot....So, thanks for talking with me about
these things. Gotta go now though, my mobile is ringing.
''Okay. Thanks for the chat and take care. Bye.
about the image: graphite on large cardboard
Title: ''A broken human being is still a human being''
sorry for the spacing.....something is glitching
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