Let your hopes, not your hurts shape your future..........

 ''Hope is that thing with feathers.

That perches in the soul and sings the

tune without words

And never stops at all.''

(Emily Dickinson)

Hope, what is it really?

Some may call it ''wishful thinking'', perhaps

even delusional or denial thinking.

In my view, hope is that inner something that refuses

to give up on the possibility that ''things can get better''.

In the words of Austrian psychiatrist Victor E. Frankl: 

''Forces beyond your

control can take away everything you possess except

one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond

to any given situation.'' 

(Well, he should know, he managed to survive years in

different Nazi concentration camps.)

The first time I read those words a lightbulb went on

in my mind. Wow! I decided to test the truth of those words

by challenging my thinking.

Were there other words I could use to define the difficulties

I was dealing with?

Okay, lets get rid of absolutes for a start.

Words such as: everything, always, everybody, all the time,

nothing, wrong, never, impossible etc. etc.

Instead I decided to use words such as: perhaps, sometimes,

 possible, some people, another way of viewing it etc. etc.

''Sometimes some things don't work out the way I

would like them to, but sometimes they do.''

''Sometimes some people say hurtful things and

sometimes some people say kind things.''

(Reframing, (a term often used in counselling) is a way

of looking at a situations, thoughts, and feelings from a

broader perspective.) 

Reframing is a tool that we can all use should we decide

to do so and it begins with us thinking about our thinking:

Is there a pattern to my thinking?

Do I tend to use absolutes? Do I know for a fact that

xyz said, did, wrote those things?

Is it possible that I misunderstood his/her/their intentions?

Was what happened perhaps an accident rather than an

 intentional act?

Etc. etc.

Challenging the way we think about things we may 

discover that just by using different words to define

what bugs us, our feelings on the matter may change.

I have often heard people say things like:

 ''He/she made me angry! He/she made me upset.

They hurt me. They made me feel unwanted. Etc. etc.''

Victor Frankl has something insightful to say about this too:

''Between stimulus and a response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.''

Whatever our response is to a situation, the ownership

of that response belongs to us.

Which in my view is very liberating.

It gives us the power of choice to respond in a way

 which is in line with our personal ethics, morals and principles.

''I can hear that you are angry but I choose not to respond

in kind.'' Or ''Although I feel hurt by your words I choose not

to respond in kind.''

It is liberating for me to know that I am in charge

of how I am going to respond to different stimuli.

I can choose to respond to anger with calmness,

to cynicism with optimism, to sarcasm with wisdom,

to scorn with kindness, and to humiliation with humility.

I also believe that we have the power of choice when

it comes to hope.

We can choose to have hope even when things seem

dark because in my view hope brings with it ''meaning''.

''Whatever we are, whatever we make of ourselves,

is all we will ever have - and that, in its profound simplicity,

is the meaning of life.''

(Philip Appleman)

Hope offers us the motivation and perseverance

to keep going in spite of doubts and skepticism.

Hope says ''things will get better''.

Hopelessness says ''what's the point?''.

Hope says ''you'll find a way''.

Hopelessness says ''there's nothing I can do''.

Hope says ''maybe there's another way to deal with this''.

Hopelessness says ''I've tried everything and nothing is working.''

Hope says ''Hope cannot be lost, only mislaid.''

Hopelessness says ''Hope cannot be manufactured, when it's gone

it's gone.''

Hope says ''When hopelessness and despair comes knocking on 

the door, send me to answer it.''

Hopelessness says ''Where can I find you when I've lost you?''

Hope says ''You'll find me in choosing words to define your

situation that lifts and encourages you. There are two 

places we can never go to; the past or the future.

The only place we can be in..... is in the now.

So just for now, just call my name and I will be with you.''

''Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.''

(Robert H. Schuller)

about the image: Photograph, edited in Elements

The quote on the image is a quote by Desmond Tutu.