Time to get pretzely.......

Everyday I play scrabble on line and I

do this because I read somewhere that the brain, 

much like other muscles, needs exercise.

To challenge myself and to increase my vocabulary,

I have decided that each game I play I must use at least 

one word I have never used before.

Yesterday one of my ''new'' words was pretzel.

However, it was not accepted.

This was strange to me as the ''computer expert'' had

 played it just last week.

I mean, pretzel is just the word for a type of bread

isn't it?

Mind you, I once had a friend say to me ''I'll have to turn

myself into a pretzel to get into your car''(At that time I was driving 

a low to the ground, two-door sporty little number.).

From that comment I concluded, well, more assumed perhaps,

 that pretzel can also mean to ''be very flexible''.

As the beginning of a new year is just a few hours away,

I have a feeling that in order to be able to keep up 

and cope with the many twists and turns that life may 

toss my way, I may have to turn myself into a ''pretzel''.

To be flexible is to be able to ''bend without breaking''

some say, and to me that sounds very much like 

becoming ''pretze-ly.

According to some: ''Psychological flexibility is the

ability to distance oneself from one's current mindset

and consider other possible mindsets.''

So, being very pretzely.....

Mindset is the established attitudes, opinions, views,

perspectives, etc. etc. we all have about...... well,

....... most things.

Although, commonly we don't experience our ''mindsets'',

to us ''it's just the way things/people/politics/etc. etc. are''.

A helpful way to ascertain whether we are ''set in our ways''

or flexible is to challenge or mindsets by asking ourselves

a simple question now and then: ''But what if.......?''

But what if there is another way, perspective, possibility, solution,

way to think about it, do it, view it, etc. etc.?

(Sometimes ''negative'' rather than ''positive'' what if's 

show up..... what if: I fail, make a mistake, trip, fall, etc. etc.

May I suggest that those what if's are best met with a stern

''what if I don't''....fall, slip, trip, fail, etc. etc.)

Us humans like routines, habits, and patterns.

It feels comfortable, easy and ''safe'' and any kind

of challenge to those (routines, habits, and patterns)

 often feels uncomfortable, complicated and uncertain.

However, even the smallest of changes can alter our perspectives.

For instance: ''what if today I try a short black instead

of a flat white coffee?'' and hey presto, suddenly we may discover

ourselves facing the world ''wearing roller skates rather than shoes''.

What if today I ..........insert here something that you usually

don't do.....................?

Some say that when we are psychologically flexible we

become better at making choices and decisions based on

our core values rather than our emotions.

So how does one become more psychologically flexible?

Some suggestions: developing an open mindset,

trying new things, challenging one's opinions/views,

seeking out new experiences, learning a new language,

doing things differently, being open to finding alternative solutions,

 etc. etc.

If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get

what we've always got.

''Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked,

while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with

the wind.''

(Bruce Lee)

''Flexible in the face of change, resilient in the

face of confusion. All of these attributes are choices

not talents, and all of them are available to you.''

(Seth Codin)

Time to get pretzely methinks.

And, oh, by the way, Happy New Year to

everyone.

about the image: graphite sketch on paper and

edited in Elements

Although the ballet dancer in the image is not

pretzely I reckon the position demands a lot of flexibility.

Being in the Zone...........huh?.

This bird goes by the name ''Talgoxe'' in Swedish and

''Great Tit'' in English.

It's not a rare bird, it's ''song'' is not particularly

beautiful, it's quite small and can be found almost everywhere.

(Scandinavia, Europe, West, Central and North Africa, etc.)

When it comes to being able to adjust to changes in it's 

environment, this little bird(12-14cm)however, is doing so 

particularly successfully.

Though the image of this little bird may not be ''special'' or rare,

what is special about it to me is, that this is the first ''painting''

that I have managed to create not by using brushes, pens,

paper, canvas or paints, but by using digital technology.

Some years ago I bought a small Wacom Tablet determined

to embrace a new way(for me) of creating images.

After I had installed the tablet and all the necessary software 

I realized that I had no clue as how to use it.

I made a few feeble attempts but it just didn't feel ''right''.

Slapping paints on a fresh, white canvas or cardboard

feels so tangible, so physical, so invigorating and so

''freeing'' ......whereas moving a ''fake'' pen on a

little black plastic pad while staring at a screen just

felt artificial and impersonal.

I decided that I would learn the basics of how

to use the tablet for photo editing 

purposes and left it at that.

Until a few days ago.

Intending to paint a Red breasted Wren, I googled the net

 for some images to use as a reference. 

While doing so I suddenly thought: why not paint a Swedish bird?

I typed in Talgoxe in the search bar and found a nice

photo of one that I thought would work well as a

reference.

Using a pencil and a sketchpad I made a sketch

of the little bird. Happy with the sketch I grabbed

my water colour pencils, some brushes, a glass of fresh 

water and some proper water colour paper.

Then another a new thought.

What if I just scan in the sketch and then do the ''painting''

on the tablet?

A few minutes later I was staring at the sketch in Photoshop

Elements.

Okay, I thought, where do I begin?

Well, I need a brush and I need some colour.

Although the ''fake'' black pen felt strange in my hand,

I choose a ''wet media brush'', a colour and then began to ''paint''.

Much to my surprise I suddenly seemed to somehow

know how to use pen as if it was a real brush.

How was this possible?

I mean, I really had no idea what I was doing.

Then it dawned on me that I had once again stepped in to

 the ''Zone'',  I was in a state of flow.

Before I read a book by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

called ''Flow'' I had never heard of ''being in the Zone'',

so when I read his definition of it: ''the essence of flow

is the removal of the interference of the thinking mind''

it suddenly made sense to me how time and place

always seemed to disappear when I was in the throws of 

creating ''stuff''.

Some define being in the zone/flow as: 

''a mental state of focused concentration

on the performance of an activity in which one dissociates

from distracting or irrelevant aspects of one's environment''.

 Painting the little bird there was no thinking,

only doing. 

 As the image more and more

started to look like the reference photo I realized

just how much fun I was having doing the ''doing''.

(Not only fun, but I also found it quite exciting.

 Only when my hand holding the ''pen/brush'' started to ache

did I notice how much time had passed.)

 I can't say that I remember exactly how or what I did

when I painted the little bird because more often than not,

when I do creative stuff I tend to lose myself in the

process, aka being in the zone/state of flow.

However, be that as it may, entering into it usually

begins with letting go of expectations and ''having a go''.

- Your computer crashed? my son asked.

- Yes, I've lost all my photos and my software, I answered.

- So, paint instead, he said.

-Paint? I don't know how to paint.

- Do it anyway, he said and with those words a new chapter

in my life began.

''Do it anyway'' opened my mind to a much larger

world, a world full of possibilities.

Wanna dance but don't know how?

Do it anyway.

Wanna sing but don't know how?

Do it anyway.

Wanna .....insert here what you want to do.........

but don't know how?

Do it anyway.

Throw open the gates of possibilities.

About the images: Boy dancer- ink on brown paper

Gates- photo

As a man thinks, so he is...........

Have you ever found yourself thinking: ''There's just too

much noise(going on) for me to think clearly. I've got to go

somewhere where I can focus my thinking.''

According to those ''in the know'' we make thousands of

decisions every day. Most of those decisions we make

unconsciously and can be categorized as habits.

Most of us get up about the same time, eat the same breakfast,

have the same hot drink, check our phones, emails, messages,

and the same media and social platforms.

According to some stats many of us sleep with our phones

next to us and when awake check our phones every six minutes 

without being aware of doing so.

(Some research suggests that only 10% of the decisions we make

every day are made consciously.)

Habits, once we have developed them, can be difficult to break.

According to Ann Graybiel, (professor at MIT) there's a part in the 

brain(basal ganglia)that assists us in developing habits so that

 they become automatic. This frees up space in our brains and

 memories so that we can take in all the other things 

we deal with every day.

Which is good, yes?

 Well, yes, if they are ''good'' (as in healthy/life-affirming)

habits...however, it does the same with ''bad''/unhealthy habits.

Habits can easily turn in to addictions, obsessions, and

mental health issues. ''Thinking'' our way out of such habits can

be very difficult which is why it is in my view a good idea to

scrutinize our habits now and then and ponder whether they are

 of benefit or detriment to our well-being.

''As a man thinks, so he is; as he continues to think,

so he remains.'' (James Allen)

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Thien Buddhist monk,

in one of his books writes about how we often do things

so automatically that even when we are eating or

drinking something hot, we don't actually taste it.

Mea culpa.

(I was actually drinking a coffee when I read that

and I was not really tasting it.)

Reading those wise words of Thich Nhat Hanh, I realized

just how much of my life was experienced on

automatic pilot.

And.....It didn't apply only to tasting, it applied just as much to

doing, feeling, and thinking.

When I got up in the morning, was I aware of my thoughts?

When I put my clothes on, did I feel the fabric on my skin?

When I ate my toast, did I actually taste it?

When I washed up my plate and cup, was I aware of doing it?

Nah, is the honest answer.

It became abundantly clear to me that I needed to get off

my automatic pilot and to start making sure that wherever

I was,.....I was there.

What about you?

When you had breakfast this morning, can you remember

tasting it?

If you woke up this morning feeling a bit ''down'', can you

remember what your thoughts were before you became 

aware of feeling a bit down?

Emotions/feelings, so some say, are our bodies response to

our thinking whether we are aware of it or not.

(Our belief systems and unconscious thoughts are on autopilot

a lot of the time which is why at times we may be

puzzled by our emotional responses.)

''In the egoic state, your sense of self, 

your identity, 

 is derived from your thinking mind 

- in other words,

 what your mind tells you

 about yourself:

the storyline about you, the memories,

 the expectations,

all the thoughts that goes through 

your head continuously

and all the emotions that 

reflect those thoughts.

All those things that make 

up your sense of self.''

(Eckhart Tolle)

It can be hard to think sometimes.

We do live in a noisy world.

But thinking about stuff is important.

Often we make ''better'' decisions

when we spend some in-depth thinking

before we act.

Whether we do our best thinking while

on the commode or on the beach,

the crux is - thinking about....

thinking.

about the image: ink on paper

Title: ''Rodin, what are you thinking about?''

Dealing with ''storms......

 Suddenly a storm hit.

The sky turned white with lightning, roaring winds shook the

trees and violent rain pounded the windows.

Lovecraft, the cat, screeched and vanished upstairs and

I turned off everything electrical.

Suddenly the phone rang and made me jump out of my skin.

I ignored it remembering being told as a child never to 

speak on the phone during storms.

(Some say it's silly to be scared of a bit of bad weather, but

having witnessed two balls of lightning and a telephone

(not a mobile)blow up....let's say I have a healthy respect

for ''bad weather''.)

Crash! Bang! Dead branches hit the deck.

Looking out at my deck to see if the branches had smashed

my outdoor glass table I noticed that my table umbrella

was about to take off.

''Not this time you're not'' I said to myself and ran out

to save my umbrella. The wind was so strong I could barely

fold it but I was determined to not let a storm steal another

umbrella from me.

Safely back indoors my son told me I needed to take him to

the ER again. Storm on the outside and ''storm'' inside of me.

My son was distraught, anxious, scared and in a lot of pain.

I dropped him off at the ER and with my heart

thumping and my mind racing I drove back home.

When I opened the front door I was greeted by the cat who

insisted on being feed...Again!

Food? The mere thought of it made me feel nauseous

and the smell of the cat food did little to settle my stomach.

Eek. I opted for strong coffee and a cigarette.

When the bad weather had finally dissipated I turned on the

TV and distracted myself by watching the FIFA World Cup.

But my mind kept racing.

Would my son finally get some help?

 Would they take him seriously or just treat him with 

contempt and hand him some painkillers and send him

home?

Was there something else I could be doing to help him?

Calm. I needed to stay calm. I needed to push away

 feelings of despair and helplessness that were

threatening to eat me up.

''Whatever the outcome, you can deal with it'' I told myself.

Having spent hours upon hours worrying about my son's

well being I have discovered that doing stuff, (but mostly

sorting or cleaning) seems to give me a sense of control.

So while I was waiting to hear from my son I decided

to sweep the deck, clean out the fridge, vacuum the floor,

and tidy the books.

''I may not be able to control what happens at the ER, 

but I can control how clean and tidy my place is''

was my thinking.

Two hours later I picked up my son who was

ropable as once again the Healthcare system had let him down.

As we arrived home I took a very deep breath and prepared

myself for yet another ''storm''.

In a lifetime most of us go through a number of

different ''storms''.

We may be able to somewhat predict and prepare 

for storms but usually we can't control them.

Storms are a part of life, right?

But what are we supposed to do when they don't

seem to pass?

''Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.....

it's about learning to dance in the rain.''

(Vivien Greene)

As an avid reader I have come across a lot of

awesome ''one-liners'', sayings, and aphorisms.

I used to think little of the usefulness of

such until I read a book in which I came across

the term ''self-talk''.

Apparently we all engage in self-talk and the 

book suggested that there are three different types of

self-talk: Positive, Negative and Instructional.

Example: There's a storm coming.

Negative self-talk: Oh no, not another bloody storm.

What damage is it going to do this time!

Positive self-talk: Alright, there's another storm coming.

Well, I've been through storms before and I will

get through this one too.

Instructional self-talk: There's another storm coming.

Okay, let's batten down the hatches and stay alert.

Self-talk is that inner dialogue we all have

with ourselves and it is reflective of our beliefs,

and biases, ... although we may not be aware of it.

(In psychology it is called Internal Dialogue)

Personally, once I became aware of my self-talk I realized

just how much of it was negative and critical.

So I decided to change it.

Beginning by: becoming aware of it, questioning it,

and reframing it.(Change it)

And, importantly, exclude as many ''absolutes''

as possible. Exchanging: everybody>some people,

 everything>something, always>sometimes,

too hard>challenging, impossible>tricky,

etc. etc. etc.

Another storm? Bring it on...

''we only have to deal with todays ''storms''

because tomorrow's storms are not yet here.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: oil pastels on cardboard

and some editing in Photoshop

Title:

''Every storm runs out of rain just like

every dark night turns into day.''

(Gary Allan Running)

Can time really fly?..........

Time is one of those things that does not exist as an

 independent entity.

Rather, it is merely an ''instrument'' that we use to measure

the spatial position of objects relative to each other.

Time, perhaps we could say, exists as a cognitive instrument for 

measuring change.

The thing with time is that we use the term as if it ''real'',

something tangible, but is it?

Many of us may think of time in terms of clock faces, almanacs,

 calendars, the movement of the sun and the moon etc.

but here's the thing: time has no physical properties.

But, regardless of how we define time, for human 

beings,..... time matters.

Irrespective of how we measure time, on this planet

we call earth, it seems almost everything has a beginning

and an end. Although, sometimes the ''end'' may be more

of a transformation from one entity to another.

Take butterflies for instance. They go through four

metamorphic stages: from egg to lava to pupa to adult.

Once they become winged butterflies, in human terms

they usually live for two to three weeks.

Science says that everything alive will eventually die,

that we cannot have life without death.

Uncomfortable as that truth may be, is there not also

something beautiful in it? Life becoming ever so precious 

 because it will not last forever...?

Even us humans go through metamorphic stages:

from embryo to (if we are fortunate enough) to senior

citizens.

Each stage we experience lasts for a certain amount of time

and affects how we experience our bodies and minds.

And as time passes, how we spend it, and who we spend

 it with, for many of us tend to become more and more

important.

Time, as far as we know, only moves in a forward direction.

Except, for in our minds.

Our minds(another intangible human construct) may I

suggest, can be viewed as ''time machines''.

With our minds we can ''travel'' back in time with the help

of memories, we can travel into the future with the

help of our imagination, or we can use our minds

to help us to be firmly fixed on the present.

Although we can shift from the past to the future in a

split second, we can only ever live in the present.

And the present, shifts from the present to the past

in a millisecond because, as science has established,

what we call ''time'' always moves forward.

Although time always moves forward it can be experienced

in a number of different ways:

''time flies, time stands still, we can be ahead of time, 

behind time, we can experience

bad times, good times, uncertain times.

We can live on borrowed time, we can calculate

estimated time, we can be wasting time, saving time,

 killing time, etc. etc. etc.''

How we experience the passing of time often has a lot to do 

with what we are doing.

Having a root canal ->slow,   having fun ->fast,

waiting for a teenager to come home -> super slow,

having a relaxing massage ->super fast,   waiting for

the bus, train, tram etc. -> slow,   watching a good movie

->fast..........and so on.

Perhaps ascribing an assortment of qualities and other

 attributes to time may be a feeble

 attempt on our behalf in order to make time seem more

 ''real'', more tangible because, us humans methinks,

 do not like uncertainty or the ''unknown''.

We can worry about the future but not the past.

We can have regrets about the past but not the future.

We can't rewrite the past nor know what will happen 

in the future, we can only control what we will do right now.

If we are stuck between the past and what may

be in the future, the present moment will be lost.

For well being and good health I believe a good

thing to do is to set our ''time machines''

to NOW as often as possible.

''Know the true value of time; snatch, seize and

enjoy every moment of it.

No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never

put off till tomorrow what you can do today.''

(Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield)

about the image: acrylic on large canvas

''I think I'm just gonna sit now''

Peace, please.........

  

''Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue,

a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence,

confidence, and justice.''

(Baruch Spinoza)

More than anything else, most of us humans want to be ''right''.

We often don't deal well with being told that we are ''wrong''.

-Wrong you say?! 

-Yeah, you're wrong!!!

-No, I'm not! I'm right and you're wrong!!

-Yeah, well if that's the case, prove it!

-I will. I'll prove it!

These days it can be hard to prove anything.

Photos can be edited, recordings whether they be

audio or video can be edited, and facts can be viewed

as ''alternative''.

-That's not a fact, that's an opinion!

-What's the source of that information?

Words are ambiguous.

 In my view, often mere approximations

since whatever words we use our words are filtered

through our individual biases.

Biases can be quite insidious and often we are not

even aware of having them.

When we decide whether we deem something to be

true or false, right or wrong, our decision making is

influenced by a number of cognitive biases.

For instance:

We tend to say that others did something because of

their character or personality, whereas we often attribute

our own actions to circumstances or happenstance.

(Actor-observer bias)

What we learn early in life often has a bigger impact

on how we judge events and experiences than we do later

in life. (Anchoring bias)

We often tend to focus our attention on information

that we agree with and disregard other kinds of information.

(Attentional bias)

We seek out information that confirms what we already

think and believe. (Confirmation bias)

We blame outside forces when things go wrong,

and take the credit when things go right.

(Self-serving bias)

And so on. There's a lot more..........

The thing is...cognitive biases affect most of our decision making

processes and how we view/judge events and experiences. 

To be a human as far as I can ascertain, is to be biased.

 But more often than not we are unaware of our

biases .......as in for us ''that's the way it is, it's the truth,

the only way to see it.....etc.''

If us ''worker bees'' get into arguments, disputes, clash or

get into conflict over different issues....well, that's

just ''life''..... but what happens when the powerful, 

the 1%'ers, and those who govern our countries do?

Nothing good. 

War happens.

Massacres happens.

Innocent lives getting extinguished happens.

Cities, towns and villages turned into rubble happens.

The social and economic fabric of countries

becoming disrupted leaving communities and

families devastated happens.

Whatever the reason, be it religious, economical, 

political or ideological.....war... in my view is never

the answer.

Peace is. Mediation and arbitration is.

Those in power sitting down at a conference table

and addressing their contentious issues is.

Diplomacy and peaceful problem solving is.

''Peace is a daily, weekly, monthly process,

gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old

barriers, quietly building new structures.''

(John F. Kennedy)

''War is only a cowardly escape from the

problems of peace.''

(Thomas Mann)

''A peaceful heart seeks a peaceful life.

Peace begins in each of our hearts.''

(Citizen Z)

about the image: ink and coloured pencils on paper.

Title: ''Peace, please.''

No matter how broken, a human being is still a human being............

''Shelby Crisis Center, how may I help you?''

''Umm, well, I'm not sure, I've never called one of these places before.''

''Okay, sure, I'm here to help. Why don't you begin by telling me what's on your mind?

''Umm, so, like, I have this hollow kinda sad feeling that I don't seem to be able to shake.''

''I see, so what I am hearing you say, is that you have a hollow sad feeling that you can't

     seem to get  rid off, is that correct?

''Yeah, it started a few months ago. I see myself as an easy-going kinda guy, not into all

    that touchy-feely stuff, more like it is what it is person, but I feel like there's

    something missing all the time. I mean, I never used to worry about you know, getting

    sick and stuff, but with the pandemic and all, everything feels so uncertain.''

''This feeling of uncertainty makes you feel uncomfortable?''

''Yeah. Like, when I was a kid, it wasn't easy. My folks were okay I guess, but they

    were always busy. My sister and I had to basically figure out most things

    for ourselves. In a way, I was more of a parent to my sister then my parents. 

   At least that's what it felt like for me.''

"That must have been difficult for you.''

''It was. Like, a lot of the time I had to be strong although I felt confused and sad.

   It did get a bit easier when we got older though. I started to spend a lot of time on the 

   computer, playing games and stuff.  My sister, well, she got her own friends and

   computer.

   At first I didn't mind that all of us in the family were doing our own thing.

   Eventually though, I started to notice that none of us really talked to each 

   other any more. Like, we were all more like house mates rather than a family.''

''It sounds to me as if you started to feel a bit disconnected from the rest of your

   family, is that correct?''

''I guess. I mean, there were times when we would all sit at the table and have dinner,

   but usually we would all keep checking our phones. We did very little actual talking

   with each other. Not that I have a lot of important stuff to talk about .....but

   I've started to feel as if we've become strangers. I mean, my sister spends most 

   of her time in her bedroom with the door closed and we don't even watch

   movies together any more.''

''I see. You miss the closeness that you used to have with your sister, is that right?''

''I guess you could say that. Don't get me wrong, I ain't no sissy, but it felt good to

   know that she was around and that she got me and I got her.

   Like, we could talk for hours about everything, we would watch movies together, 

   and sometimes we would just hang out....like, we were tight. These days, the phone

   seems to be her best friend. And mum and dad, well, they do most of their stuff

   separately not together any more..... Hey, can I ask you something?''

''Of course, what would you like to know?''

''What does alienation mean? I heard one of the teachers use that word the other day

   and I'm wondering what it means. I googled it but I'm still not clear on exactly

   what it means.''

''There are different ways of understanding that word, so I'll offer you the way

   I interpret it. To feel alienated, is to feel as if you are disconnected from others. 

   Not included, sometimes even feeling rejected by the people you care about.

   Does this definition of the term alienated fit with your feelings?''

''Dunno. Perhaps. What about loneliness? Is that the same as feeling alienated?

   See, this is what confuses me. Can you feel both? Can you feel lonely

  and alienated at the same time?''

''In my opinion, yes. They often blend into each other, but not necessarily.''

''Huh? What do you mean?''

''Well, it is possible to have hundreds of friends on social media platforms or

   in real life and yet, feel lonely, when we are on our own. It is also possible 

   for a person to feel alienated in a so called ''happy'' family.''

''So, this hollow kinda sad feeling that I seem to feel all the time, is it possible..

   .....nah, it seems crazy.....I mean, I'm always messaging or being messaged

   ......is it possible, that I'm still feeling.....lonely??  Or...lonely and alienated??''

 ''I don't know. What do you think?''

''I'm not sure. Do you think that if we were to talk to each other more in my family

 and do more stuff together, I wouldn't feel this way?''

''Perhaps. Have you talked to your parents or your sister about what you are feeling?

''Nah.

''Do you talk to any of your on-line or real life friends about how you are feeling?

''No.

''Why not if I may ask?''

''It's not the sort of things one talks about. Well, not me anyways. There's so many

   trolls on line. You say one thing they don't like and the next thing you know ,you're

   being bullied. It's hard enough just dealing with everyday stuff. I don't need the

   extra aggravation having some anonymous trolls giving me a hard time. I can just

   imagine the shit people would say if I'd say that I feel lonely. Lonely people are

   losers.''

''You think that lonely people are losers, is that right?''

''Well, perhaps not so much losers as needy. Needy people always need more...like they

    don't seem to know how to pull back on their neediness.

   I definitely don't want others to see me as a lonely needy guy.''

''I see. How would you like others to see you?''

''What sort of question is that? I mean, obviously I want others to see me as I am.''

''Aha. I see. So how would you describe yourself?''

''I know how to take care of myself. I'm no loser lonely guy. I can roll with 

   the punches. Just because I feel hollow and sad inside sometimes, don't mean

   that I'm weak or needy.''

''I agree. It doesn't. So let me ask you this question.

   Do you think that it is possible, that feeling hollow and sad inside sometimes,

   rather than being a sign of weakness, or neediness, may perhaps be a sign of a 

   subconscious desire in you for more meaningful and deeper human connections?

''What does more meaningful and deeper human connections mean?''

''In my view, it means connecting with people on a mutual and shared level of trust,

   common values, interests, respect and compassion.''

''So my hollow and sad feeling is telling me.... to what? Open up more? 

 Talk about my feelings?''

''Is that something you think you could do?''

''I dunno. Perhaps. Perhaps I could talk to Pippi, my sister. Perhaps we could

   become tight again. I don't know. It would be nice though to feel close to her

   again. Anyway, I guess it's worth a shot....So, thanks for talking with me about

   these things. Gotta go now though, my mobile is ringing.

''Okay. Thanks for the chat and take care. Bye.

about the image: graphite on large cardboard

Title: ''A broken human being is still a human being''

sorry for the spacing.....something is glitching

Anger is a dish best served cold..........

I have a issue with anger.

Not with being able to control it, no, my issue is

the opposite....it's hard for me to express.

Is that not a good thing? you may ask.

Sometimes yes, other times...not so much.

According to some in the know ''anger is an emotion 

characterized by antagonism toward someone or something

we feel has deliberately done us wrong.''

Sometimes it can be good as it can motivate us to do something,

find a solution to that which angers us.

Other times it may cause us to respond in a way that

rather than improving a situation we make it worse. 

We all have different ''triggers'' that trigger an angry response

in us.

For some of us it may be feeling powerless, frustrated,

misunderstood, treated unfairly or disrespected.

For others it may be feeling ignored, belittled or not

being heard. 

And for some of us, perhaps all the above.

How we handle expressing our anger is very much influenced

by our childhood/upbringing and our past experiences

with anger.

If we grew up in an environment in which it was okay

(as in no real consequences)

to express anger aggressively and explosively, chances

are that we will adopt that pattern. 

(Often doing so subconsciously and without giving it

much thought as to if perhaps there are better ways

for us to deal with anger.)

If we grew up in an environment in which expressing

complaints or anger was chastised, chances are that

we will adopt a pattern of suppressing ''strong'' emotions.

Or, some of us may have grown up in environments in which

 one day it's okay to express our anger or other strong emotions

 and the next it's not.

My hunch is that that may create quite a lot of confusion

in a child. Feeling that he/she is not being able to express his/her 

true emotions the child may resort to ''masking'' them by

being defiant, sullen, grumpy, refusing to talk or turning his/her

emotions inwards on him/herself.

In other words, the child may develop a pattern of minimizing,

denying or ignoring his/her feelings as he/she doesn't

really trust them.

Which brings me to self-regulation.

For those of us who may carry with us less helpful and

life-affirming behaviour patterns from our childhoods,

there are things we can do to change those behaviour patterns.

One of those things we can do is self-regulation.

Self-regulation is about being able to manage our emotions/

feelings in a life-affirming way.

It's about being able to feel what we feel, identifying what

we are feeling and choosing not to lash out, blow up, hand

out a tongue lashing, etc. etc.

According to people who knows about this stuff there

are things we can do to improve how we deal with

strong emotions. (Insert here your interpretation of what

you view as strong emotions.)

Take a conscious breath.

 (It creates a space for you to choose

a response.)

Identify and name your feeling.

  Acknowledge and accept that feeling.  

Notice what your body is telling you.

''Grab'' hold of your thoughts.

Choose your response.

This may seem preposterous, I know.

Somebody insults me and I'm supposed to be going 

through a whole list of stuff before I respond?!

Let's put it a different way: 

Take a breath and consider possible outcomes before you respond.

In between gigs(music) I used to work as a picker and

packer in different warehouses.

On one of those occasions there was guy who saw it as 

his ''duty'' to bully me. All day, every day.

Eventually I got angry enough to respond.

I took a big breath, stepped right up to him,

looked straight into his eyes and said very calmly:

''Never mistake kindness for weakness.''

After that he left me alone.

Self-regulation as far as I can ascertain, works 

because it helps us to stay true to our guiding

life values, ethics and principles.

''Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel

in which it is stored than on anything on which it is poured.''

(Mark Twain)

''How much more grievous are the consequences of anger

than the causes of it.''

(Marcus Aurelius)

about the image: acrylic on canvas 

A close-up of a painting I did of an angry horse

                                            

Let your hopes, not your hurts shape your future..........

 ''Hope is that thing with feathers.

That perches in the soul and sings the

tune without words

And never stops at all.''

(Emily Dickinson)

Hope, what is it really?

Some may call it ''wishful thinking'', perhaps

even delusional or denial thinking.

In my view, hope is that inner something that refuses

to give up on the possibility that ''things can get better''.

In the words of Austrian psychiatrist Victor E. Frankl: 

''Forces beyond your

control can take away everything you possess except

one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond

to any given situation.'' 

(Well, he should know, he managed to survive years in

different Nazi concentration camps.)

The first time I read those words a lightbulb went on

in my mind. Wow! I decided to test the truth of those words

by challenging my thinking.

Were there other words I could use to define the difficulties

I was dealing with?

Okay, lets get rid of absolutes for a start.

Words such as: everything, always, everybody, all the time,

nothing, wrong, never, impossible etc. etc.

Instead I decided to use words such as: perhaps, sometimes,

 possible, some people, another way of viewing it etc. etc.

''Sometimes some things don't work out the way I

would like them to, but sometimes they do.''

''Sometimes some people say hurtful things and

sometimes some people say kind things.''

(Reframing, (a term often used in counselling) is a way

of looking at a situations, thoughts, and feelings from a

broader perspective.) 

Reframing is a tool that we can all use should we decide

to do so and it begins with us thinking about our thinking:

Is there a pattern to my thinking?

Do I tend to use absolutes? Do I know for a fact that

xyz said, did, wrote those things?

Is it possible that I misunderstood his/her/their intentions?

Was what happened perhaps an accident rather than an

 intentional act?

Etc. etc.

Challenging the way we think about things we may 

discover that just by using different words to define

what bugs us, our feelings on the matter may change.

I have often heard people say things like:

 ''He/she made me angry! He/she made me upset.

They hurt me. They made me feel unwanted. Etc. etc.''

Victor Frankl has something insightful to say about this too:

''Between stimulus and a response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.''

Whatever our response is to a situation, the ownership

of that response belongs to us.

Which in my view is very liberating.

It gives us the power of choice to respond in a way

 which is in line with our personal ethics, morals and principles.

''I can hear that you are angry but I choose not to respond

in kind.'' Or ''Although I feel hurt by your words I choose not

to respond in kind.''

It is liberating for me to know that I am in charge

of how I am going to respond to different stimuli.

I can choose to respond to anger with calmness,

to cynicism with optimism, to sarcasm with wisdom,

to scorn with kindness, and to humiliation with humility.

I also believe that we have the power of choice when

it comes to hope.

We can choose to have hope even when things seem

dark because in my view hope brings with it ''meaning''.

''Whatever we are, whatever we make of ourselves,

is all we will ever have - and that, in its profound simplicity,

is the meaning of life.''

(Philip Appleman)

Hope offers us the motivation and perseverance

to keep going in spite of doubts and skepticism.

Hope says ''things will get better''.

Hopelessness says ''what's the point?''.

Hope says ''you'll find a way''.

Hopelessness says ''there's nothing I can do''.

Hope says ''maybe there's another way to deal with this''.

Hopelessness says ''I've tried everything and nothing is working.''

Hope says ''Hope cannot be lost, only mislaid.''

Hopelessness says ''Hope cannot be manufactured, when it's gone

it's gone.''

Hope says ''When hopelessness and despair comes knocking on 

the door, send me to answer it.''

Hopelessness says ''Where can I find you when I've lost you?''

Hope says ''You'll find me in choosing words to define your

situation that lifts and encourages you. There are two 

places we can never go to; the past or the future.

The only place we can be in..... is in the now.

So just for now, just call my name and I will be with you.''

''Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.''

(Robert H. Schuller)

about the image: Photograph, edited in Elements

The quote on the image is a quote by Desmond Tutu.

In the words of a child............

 Dear God,

I hope you'll listen to me although I'm just 7 years old.

You see, I am very worried about so many things. 

I am worried about my brother who is not feeling

the best. I love him the most in the whole world.

He is my best friend. He doesn't think that I'm

strange or anything. He doesn't say mean things

to me or take my things from me.

Why God do the other kids do that?

Why are they so mean to me? What's so wrong

with me that no one wants to be my friend?

I don't understand. 

I also don't understand why the teacher doesn't

stop the other kids from saying mean things

to me. And, and, why tell me why, it is so

hard to tell my mum how much I hate school?

Well, maybe not hate, but it hurts so much

to always eat lunch alone and have no one

to be with.

I try to pretend that I don't hurt always 

having to walk home from school alone

or having to run fast so the others don't

hit me or push me.

And why, tell me why do I feel so sad

in my heart all the time?

Sometimes I just want to scream and throw

things but something inside of me tells me

that I can't do that.

Why is that?

I'm writing these things because today the 

teacher told us about you.

She said that you are like a dad in the sky

and that you love everyone.

But if that's true how can I know?

If you love everyone why are there so many

angry people doing mean things?

I know that I'm just a little kid and that there

are many things I don't understand yet but

I would really like it if you could please make my

brother feel good.

And if you could make the mean kids be nicer to me

I would really like that too.

The teacher said that you hear when we 

talk to you. But I feel silly just talking out loud

so that's why I am writing it instead.

But where do I send my letter?

My head hurts just wondering about these

things.

I hope that somehow you will show me

that you have heard my words.

I could do with a good friend.

Lisa

Children need us grownups to see them

and make them feel safe to tell us

what's on their minds.

about the image: ink on paper

My red breasted singer.........

Living in a town house means I have no garden to tend to.

(Which I very much appreciate since I am definitely no gardener.)

What I do have just outside of the townhouse estate boundary

is a small creek surrounded by a number of different small, large

and in between, trees and bushes.

Whatever those trees may be, birds and bats seem to love them.

There are times when they are laden with crows, magpies,

cockatoos, parrots, kookaburras and the occasional wren.

The creek has been visited by a Jabiru (a very large black-necked stork)

plus a number of amazing looking wading birds which 

is surprising to me. I mean, how did they find my little

creek?

Perhaps the most surprising visit of all was when one

early morning I saw a fabulous little grey fox with a very

fluffy tail enjoy a drink of water.

In spite of all the buildings and even a very busy road,

somehow, this does not seem to perturb certain parts of wildlife.

(Although, the racket that the crows make every morning I 

think I could do without.)

Not being a bird-watcher, I still love listening and watching

birds as they go about their business.

Especially fairywrens and robins.

The way those little birds chatter and tip their back tails...

there's something so endearing and innocent about that to me.

Standing on my deck the other day I heard a bird song

that I don't think I have heard before.

Well, perhaps more chirping than song, none the less,

it caught my attention and as I stared into the foliage

I saw (what I now know is called a red capped robin) a

beautiful little bird with a red breast.

That little bird made such an impression on me that it

made me reach for my paint and brushes this morning.

(Hence the above image.)

Although kookaburras, cockatoos and magpies ''singing''

is impressive, I prefer the subtle and more melodious

''tunes'' of the little birds.

I guess perhaps in musical terms one could liken the

singing of the ''big'' birds to an operatic aria whereas

the little birds singing is more like a gentle folksy lullaby.

Olivier Messiaen, a French composer (1908 - 1992), incorporated

 birdsong into many of his compositions including

some piano pieces that when I first heard them

astounded and excited me.

Suddenly a whole new world of musical inspiration opened

up for me. Armed with pen and paper (sheet music paper)

while at Music school,

I would go on long walks and notate different birdsongs.

And just like Messiaen, at times I would incorporate a few bars

 here and there in my own compositions. 

Although music in my view means different things to different people,

generally speaking I think most of us would agree on that it

is made up by sounds.

(Often organized sounds, such as some kind of harmony,

melody and rhythm.)

While listening to a piano concerto as a small child

I remember asking myself ''what makes music music?''

When I asked my dad what makes music music, he told

me ''people singing and or playing instruments together''.

(Later he decided that no good music was composed after

the 1960's.)

If we can agree on that music consists of sounds,

perhaps we can also agree on that it consists of

organized sounds...how about this:

Music consists of organized sound that can at times stir up

different emotions within a human being.

These days we are so clever that we can record sounds

and then give them a ''pitch'' (a position of a single sound

in the complete range of sound).

You can basically ''cough, sneeze, laugh, etc.'', give it

a pitch and then organize the sounds in what 

could be classified as a ''scale'', and doing so they

can then be used to create a melody.

Throw some harmony on top, add some funky drum beat,

and you have music.

Basically, using a digital sample of any organic sound

can be used and made into a musical composition.

So what makes music music is organized sound, BUT...

what makes music good music....well, that's

in my view entirely subjective.

I find for example the sound of the rolling ocean, the breeze

in the trees, the birds singing, the laughter of children

playing, etc. etc. to be good, yea, even beautiful music.

''Music expresses that which cannot be said and

on which it is impossible to be silent.''

(Victor Hugo)

about the image: ink and water colour on paper

''My red breasted singer''