Forgiveness...."To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

 

The first beams of golden light slithers through the drawn blinds.

Eventually the beams find their way across her face. Their gentle warmth nudge her eyelids open.

Ekaterina startles. Once again she had fallen asleep in the chair by the window.

The room is filled with light and gone are the beasts of the night.

An alarm clock suddenly breaks the silence. Ekaterina rubs her sore feet, then slowly walks to her bedroom to turn off the angry sounding alarm clock.

To ease the pain in her aching body and make it possible for her to go to work, she decides to have a long, hot, shower.

The hot water sends shivers through her body but the pain remains.

With shaking fingers she touches the scars running up and down her arms, legs, and torso. Years have gone by since the assault, but the pain from the scars often remind her of the nightmare that once was her life. When the war had begun, she was a fourteen year old girl with hopes and dreams of becoming a professional ballet dancer, but when it ended, she was an old soul with broken dreams, a broken family, a broken heart, and a broken body.

She was still preoccupied with perfecting the 'pas the deux' when her brothers joined up, and when her father disappeared night after night to secret meetings, she stayed at home with her mother sewing costumes. For her, the war was inconvenient, but somewhat unreal, until the bombs started to fall and people disappear. First Dejan, then Goran, then her father. Food became scarce, her mother would leave at dawn to stand in line for a piece of bread, some potatoes, and a cup of milk. Ekaterina watched the light in her mother's eyes slowly die, as days, weeks, months, went by. On her sixteen's birthday, they were given the news, that her father and brothers, had been found dead in a shallow grave; all shot in the back of their heads.

Her mother's heart, fell apart, and soon she was gone, and Ekaterina was left on her own. She decided to leave, to run away, to find some peace, somewhere safe to stay. Then one night she packed a small bag, some morsels of food, some clothes to wear, and wrapped up in satin, her most beloved possession; her ballet shoes.

She was only a few kilometres from the border, when she run out of luck, she was spotted by a soldier from the back of a truck. Before she knew it, she was on her back, and one by one, they took turns, in defiling her body, and hitting her with their guns. Barely conscious, she realised that the worst was yet to come, she saw a big knife on top of a gun. He cut her arms, he cut her legs, he cut her feet, he cut her chest. She should have died, but death was denied, she woke three days later, a nurse by her side. A kind old shepherd minding his flock, found Ekaterina half dead and in a state of shock. On his back he carried her across the border, found a hospital to look after her to help her recover.

One year later, it was time for her to leave, to find new life, pastures green.

She settled in a city, not too big not too small,

with many ballet venues and concert halls. She found a job and a place to live,

made some friends, and decided to forgive.

Ekaterina carefully dries herself, then gets dressed. She swallows two pain killers, ties her hair in a bun, and turns on the radio. The small flat fills with music and Ekaterina gently begins to dance.

 When she decided to forgive the soldiers who assaulted her, a burden lifted and she found the desire to dance again. Although the scars on her feet still cause some pain, when she dances, she feels no pain at all.

"Soon, Mama, soon, I will be able to dance joyfully again," she whispers as she gracefully dances across the sunlit floor.

 

"When we forgive, we set ourselves free regardless of ...."

 

"Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you've given the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you've let go of the anger or guilt towards someone, or towards yourself."

"Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning." (Desmond Tutu)

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."

(Bernard Meltzer)