“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” (Lao Tzu)
The word strength can be used to describe someone or something's physical quality but for the purpose of this post I will refer to another kind of strength; strength as a capability to "firmly maintain a moral or intellectual position".
"Nothing is as strong as gentleness, nothing is so gentle as true strength."(Ralph W. Sockman)
Is being assertive the same as being strong? I wondered. Assertiveness definition: "The word assertive is an adjective meaning confidently affirmative", here's another: "aggressive self-assurance; given to making bold assertions". Aggressive?
Hmmm. When I asked my son how he would define "strength" (not the physical kind) he answered "holding firm to ones principles and values".
I found another definition for strength: "Strength is a measure of how we handle the challenges of life." (Nancy Colier) For now, I will stick with this definition.
Would a person with "inner" strength behave in an aggressive manner toward others? Would a person with inner strength be unaware of the effects their own assertiveness may have on others? Would a person with inner strength choose to hide their true feelings in order not to seem weak?
Yes. At times. Depending on the situation. Although with all the best intentions in the world, to be human, is to err so the wise say.
So, what is so good about "inner" strength?
Inner strength has the potential to empower, to promote resilience, to focus on the positive, to help us stay firmly connected with our values and principles regardless of circumstances; inner strength helps us stay close to the "core" that we define as "us".
In the movie "The Outsiders" adapted from a novel by S.E Hinton with the same name, Johnny says to his friend: "Stay Gold, Ponyboy, stay gold." Johnny is urging Ponyboy to stay true to his inner core; his purity and innocence i.e. his "Gold". I watched the movie together with my son when he was still a young teenager but I have used the phrase (stay gold) on a number of occasions ever since to encourage my son to stay true to his inner core and strengths regardless/in spite of the many turbulent and trying times that occurs in a life.
"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develops your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength" so says Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Besides "not surrendering", what can be done to develop ones inner strength?
Perhaps it may be helpful to first do a "stock take" of what you consider to be your strengths:
Ex: I am loyal, honest, trust worthy, caring, resilient, etc. then identify those areas that you think could do with some strengthening for example: speaking up when you disagree, not make snap judgements, focus on the positive(affirmative), and so on.
What if I don't know what my strengths are?
Ask somebody you trust for their input; at times it can be easier for someone else to see/recognise our strengths.
Then there is "Fools Gold". "Fool's gold is a common term used to describe any item which has been believed to be valuable to the owner, only to end up being not so."(Gold is an element; there is only gold in it, "fools gold" on the other hand is a compound of iron and sulphur, it is brittle and whereas a gold nugget when tapped with a hammer just becomes slightly flattened, "fools gold" falls apart. Gold is one of the 92 naturally occurring elements found on earth. There is no known natural substance that can destroy gold.)
If innocence, purity, resilience, sticking to ones values and principles, etc. are "gold" what are some examples of "fools gold"?
Here are some of my suggestions of "fools gold": arrogance (FG)>self-confidence(G), sarcasm>humour, bossiness>strong leadership, impulsivity>creativity, recklessness>courageousness, aggression>inner strength, obsequiousness>honesty......and so on.
“Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.” (Eric Hoffer)
“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strengths and resolutions.” (Khalil Gibran)
"........Predators prey on gentleness, peace, calmness, sweetness and any positivity that they sniff out as weakness. Anything that is happy and at peace they mistake for weakness. It's not your job to change these people, but it's your job to show them that your peace and gentleness do not equate to weakness......"(C Joybell C)
Stay Gold, dear reader, stay Gold.
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