Inside her mind she can her herself shouting at the top of her voice: "Stop! This is insane, I don't want this anymore!!! Are you hearing me?" but what she actually does is say nothing.
As his father keeps telling him all the things he is doing wrong, the young boy wants to scream: "Leave me alone, stop putting me down all the time!!", but what he does is say nothing.
At work they make fun of her, laugh at her accent, sneer at her conscientiousness. Every morning before work she decides to not stay silent, to respond, to stand up for herself but she doesn't....she has to pay the bills and look after her daughter so she can't afford to lose her job. She remains silent.
There are numerous of scenarios in which we may find ourselves remaining silent although we have much to say, and perhaps need to say something. "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing", so wrote Edmund Burke.
Scenarios such as: The bully in the schoolyard, bullies in a work situation, a marriage, a sports team, etc. not to mention in the corporate world, politics, and so on. Until one, or some of us, makes a stand; drop after drop we become worn down.
"Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don't give up the fight." (Bob Marley)
Easier said than done perhaps, but saying nothing costs. Avoiding direct confrontation takes a lot of energy, and although we may have very rational (in our view) reasons for why we say nothing, saying nothing keeps us stuck. Perhaps we fear losing a position, a friend, a lover, and so on if we voice our views? And it is possible that we may do so, but by not expressing our views/concerns out of fear, we may lose our inner strength, our sense of who we are, and find ourselves battling with self doubt.
Not expressing in a direct fashion our views may lead to us behave in passive-aggressive ways (saying nothing in order to "keep the peace" although holding strong feelings about something, somebody) instead we let our feelings out through indirect expressions such as sarcasm, resentment, sullenness, procrastination, making hostile jokes, stone-walling, irritation, etc..
There may be situations when we may choose to remain silent because we are so angry that we can't think clearly and need time to calm down so that we can express ourselves adequately, precisely, and without hostility. Example: "Can we talk about this later please, I need to collect my thoughts?"
Going along with the flow, wanting/needing to feel accepted and included, we may find it difficult to express our views for fear of being "wrong". While working in a warehouse I saw some of my work mates doing things that I considered "wrong", dishonest, and sneaky, but I said nothing because I was afraid of losing my job, until, some of them started to bully a young guy who had recently joined the staff. I was used to the constant sarcasm and inappropriate jokes, but I could see that this young man was hurting from being made fun of at every turn. I decided to make a stand. Calmly I approached the warehouse manager and said: "Never mistake kindness for weakness, the reason I am not engaging in any of the behaviours you call "innocent fun" is not because I have nothing to say, but because I chose to only say things that are encouraging and kind, rather than sarcastic and mean."
Taking(making) a stand, standing up for what we believe is important, ("right" decent, fair, etc.) in my view because it has the potential to build self-confidence, to build integrity, to nourish our sense of self, to nourish our self-respect and respect for others, and to strengthen our sense of independence.
Optimally we attempt to do this without offending anybody by respecting others views while remaining committed to our own, making our "stand" with integrity and an attitude of not causing harm to those who view things differently to us.
Some suggestions: Speak calmly> Be diplomatic> Listen to what they are saying> Know what you are standing up for> Chose your words carefully> If there is an impasse (deadlock), walk away calmly, in a non-passive-aggressive manner
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." (Winston Churchill)
"Stay strong. Stand up. Have a voice." (Shawn Johnson)
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