Tuesday 8 October 2013

Expectations: friend or foe?

 
(In this painting I have used the American flag as a background, but it could have been any flag. The reason I have used this flag is because I am an artist and as a graphic design I find the design very striking.)
 
Have you ever heard of the "nocebo effect"?
Until a few days ago, I had never heard the term so I decided to investigate.
So what is it? Basically if one expects a bad response, then that's what one will get, just like a placebo does the opposite. Thing is, they are both psychogenic so the reactions will mirror one's expectations.
Example: Someone tells you you just ate "bad" prawn, and for many of us, instantly the tummy starts to feel somewhat wobbly. You have a headache, your friend gives you a pill and tells you it will fix you. Which it does until your friend tells you that she accidentally gave you a vitamin B tablet.(!!)
Howard Spiro, M.D. writes in his book "The Power of Hope" " his account of the many positive effects he has seen with patients given placebos.
Now, if people can get well with the help of placebos, then what about nocebos?
If we are bombarded with "bad" news/information 24/7, could such not be classified as nocebos?
If we expect things to go badly, to have a negative outcome, will we be able to see any other result?
When we are children, we often learn to protect ourselves against emotionally or environmentally painful developments by denying them; we simply decide to view things the way we want them to be.
Which may work while we are children but as we mature, our experiences necessitates a greater understanding and an integration of the events that takes place in our reality.
The more I looked in to the subject of expectations, the more it seemed as if expectations invokes "the judge" and "jury" on how we feel about our lives, ourselves, others, and the world we inhabit. So where do expectations come from?
A few suggestions: from our families, our society, culture, relationships, media, our religious beliefs, etc. and how they were (are) met or not met. Many of our expectations are based on approval from others, respect, attention, validation, inclusion, love, being taken seriously, and so on. If these expectations were not met as we grew up, our unmet expectations may keep affecting us until we can identify what those are. Without being aware of it, these unmet expectations may become our "nocebos". If we except the worst to happen and then it does, we may feel good about being right (most of us seem to have a need to be right) for a minute or two, but that feeling will often quickly be replaced by a feeling of disappointment. At times our expectations are so ingrown that we may forget to question whether they are realistic or reasonable, for example; "all drivers should obey traffic rules" (in reality all drivers don't), "people should be honest" (people have different approaches and definitions of honesty), "punctuality should be adhered to" (although sometimes unexpected things happens), and so on.
I have found that the words "should" and "ought to", often are signposts to when there are expectations involved.
Just for a moment, take time out and ask yourself how often you use the phrase: people should, parents should, bosses should, politicians, doctors, teachers, etc.etc..... should.
If you use it a lot, chances are you have a lot of expectations but whether they are realistic and/or reasonable,..... may be worth some consideration.
Same goes for our personal expectations; how often do we tell ourselves we should this or that?
Are our expectations of ourselves reasonable and/or realistic?
Expectations however, can be changed, ...... as long as we are aware of them.
 
 
"If you paint in your mind a picture of bright and happy expectations, you put yourself into a condition conducive to your goal."
                                                              (Norman Vincent Peal)
"Our environment, the world in which we live and work, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations."
                                                                (Earl Nightingale)
"Whatever happens in the world is real, what one thinks should have happened is projection. We suffer more from our fictitious illusion and expectations of reality." (Jacque Fresco)

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