Saying nothing is still saying something.......

When she opened the door I could see that she

was upset.

-What's happened Roslyn? I asked.

-I've finally done it. 

-What? What have you done?

-I've told him it's over and that ''Little miss Mouse

don't live in this house anymore.''

-So how do you feel now?

-Great. I feel great. I should have done this years ago.

-What stopped you?

-Fear, I guess. Fear of how he would react and what

he would do. But to be honest, perhaps more than anything else, 

I was worried about being on my own.

Now, I realize that I should have spoken up

years ago and not let fear keep me silent.

A few years later it became my turn to face

my fears and set out on my own.

Like Roslyn, I too had reached a point when

being on my own seemed less scary than staying in

a dysfunctional and loveless relationship.

I too should have spoken up and voiced my concerns.

Now, years later and with the wisdom of hindsight, I realize that by 

staying silent, I lost the very core of myself.

Speaking up and voicing our concerns on

matters that are of importance to us is important.

Important for our sense of self-worth and commitment

to our core values.

Staying silent and not speaking our mind

when our inner voice/core urges us to speak up, those

in the know suggest can have a negative affect on our

mental and physical well-being.

Mind you, it can be easy to come up with a lot of (in our

view) very rational reasons for why we should stay

quiet rather than speaking out, however, in my experience

this often result in taking

us further away from our core values.

Why are core values important to us?

You may ask.

As pertaining to this post and to not be long-winded, 

I am speaking here of Personal Core values.

Such as: Loyalty, honesty, reliability, dependability,

consistency, transparency, etc. etc.

Basically the framework/belief-system through

which we view the world and the people/critters which

inhabits it.

''Your core values are/is the compass

that keeps you moving in the

right direction.''

(Susan David)

(Right as in: in harmony with your core values)

Part of the ''speaking up'' is also the part of how we do it,

and what words we use. (In my experience, just as

important.)

What I found is that being mindful of the time

and place, the tone of voice, the choice of words,

body-language, sticking to facts more so than emotions 

and using ''I feel....'' rather than ''You make me....'' statements 

often tend to have the most favourable outcomes.

I also find that it can be helpful to ask questions.

So what I hear you saying is.........is that correct?

I take what you said to mean..............am I right?

I'm not sure that I agree, can I get back to you on

this?

When we ''speak up'', I've concluded that it is important

to remember that there can be times when ''What's said '' 

and ''What's heard '' can vary. (A lot, sometimes)

Ex: ''Son, can you take out the rubbish, please?''

Son: ''Are you saying that I never take out the rubbish?''

Wife: ''Please don't be late.''

Partner: ''What?? Are you saying that I'm always late?''

Insight: Don't assume that what I said is what

you/they heard. 

Good communication happens when what I say, 

is what others hear.

''Saying nothing is still saying something.''

( ? )

about the image: a small graphite sketch on paper