-What are you doing? he asked.
-Taking a photograph of you, I answered.
-Why?
-I like your face Darren, I answered.
A few years later I painted that moment,
that memory, onto a canvas.
What are memories?
Okay, let's go with: Memories is what we call
the information that the part of our mind that stores it
hangs on to and also makes available to us when we need it.
Or: The psychological processes of acquiring, storing
and retaining, and later retrieving information.
Vague isn't it?
Especially since there are those in the know who
reckons that every time we recall a memory we
alter it in line with the state of mind we are in
when we tell our stories.
Some suggest that we often (unknowingly) add,
subtract, exaggerate, or diminish the ''character'' of
our memory.
Another thing that often affects the way
we memorize something is the way people responded
when we were sharing something with them.
-How big was the fish?
-I thought you said it was smaller than that.
Some in the know even suggest that basically
all our memories are subjected to manipulation.
(Memory distortion)
Although we may not know exactly all the what, where and
how on the subject of memories, we are gaining more
and more solid insight and knowledge on just how
much damage a flailing memory can cause not only
the person experiencing it but also his/her family
members and other loved ones.
Memories are extremely important to us because it helps
us to make sense, to understand and to function in
our worlds. It helps us to learn from our mistakes,
to establish new connections, to increase our knowledge-
bases and to further our critical thinking skills.
It is also suggested that our memory plays a paramount
role in making it possible for us to navigate,
understand and make predictions about
possible future scenarios.
Basically speaking, our memories may be viewed as
the ''framework'' around which we create
that which we call/interpret as our ''worlds''.
What if one happens to have a lot of bad
and traumatic memories?
As I understand it, just as ''good'' memories may be
the framework through which we interpret our ''worlds'',
so may also ''bad'' and or traumatic memories be.
Memories, whether ''good'' or ''bad'', recent research
now holds, are malleable.
Scientific inquiry into memory distortion is indicating
that memory is not fixed, rather, it is subject to distortion,
change and exaggeration.
Speaking from personal experience with PTSD
and GAD, I once asked a psychologist how to
best deal with my bad/traumatic memories.
He suggested that I pair my bad memories with
good ones.
With this he meant that:
Instead of thinking about the times when I felt
betrayed, sad, lost, confused, hurt, etc. etc. he told
me to replace those thoughts with thinking of the
times when I felt strong, competent,
able, successful, capable, etc. etc.
Though we can't travel back in time and re-write our
memories, we can re-frame and re-interpret them.
The brain, the place where our memories hangs about,
is plastic and keeps on changing. (Neuroplasticity)
That means that every new thought we think creates a new
neural pathway. How awesome is this!!! Blew
my mind when I first found this out.
So if instead of remembering things that didn't turned
out the way I planned it as ''failures'', but instead as
''less hoped for outcomes'', maybe those memories
will no longer be an issue?
Done. The word failure will no longer exist in
my vocabulary.
There are a few words/lines that I have found to be very useful
when I want to re-frame a bad memory.
Hopefully they may be of use for you too should you
want them.
1. Put another way.......
2. All possibilities entertained......
3. Maybe.....?
4. Is it possible that......
5. Toss ''Failure'' and insert instead:
less hoped for outcome.
Finding out that memories are malleable and
not set in cement, isn't that just great?
Methinks it definitely is.
''Memory's truth, because memory has it's own
special kind. It selects, eliminates, alters, exaggerates,
minimizes, glorifies, and vilifies also; but in the
end it creates its own reality, its heterogenous but
usually coherent version of events; and no sane
human being ever trusts someone else's version
more than his(/her) own.''
(Salman Rushdie)
about the image: acrylic on large canvas
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