The problem with honesty and lying..........

When I asked him why he had lied, he just looked at me,

shrugged his shoulders, and answered: 

-What you don't seem to get is that lying is only

 wrong if you get caught, and me, I'm way

too smart to get caught.

For the purpose of this post my definition of lying

is to deliberately state something as true though

knowing it to be untrue.

According to a number of research carried out into how 

often we lie, the statistics show that most of us do so 

almost every day.

And we do so for a number of reasons such as:

To avoid punishment, to protect ourselves from retaliation,

to avoid embarrassment and or shame, to embellish or

''play down'' a story/event/experience, for personal gain,

to protect ourselves and or others, etc. etc. etc.

Thing is, when we convey a message, we use not only

words but also body language, including micro-expressions.

(micro-expressions= involuntary facial expressions that occur 

within a fraction of a second)

Being able to read micro-expressions can be very useful

when detecting dishonesty but so can our ''gut-instincts''.

Gut-instincts, so those in the know say, are based on

lived experiences. 

 Sometimes even if we want to believe that 

what someone is telling us is true

our gut-instincts may tell us that it isn't.

Most societies value truthfulness and honesty

as fundamental building blocks of a fair and

just society, and in my view, when it comes to creating

meaningful social bonds, they are viewed just as fundamental.

''Honesty and truthfulness fosters trust, trust fosters 

a bond, a bond fosters a deeper connection, a

deeper connection fosters a sense of belonging,

and belonging fosters a sense of physical and mental

well-being.''

(Citizen Z)

Life is complex and sometimes we may be faced

with situations in which neither the truth nor a lie

seem to suffice.

Times when honesty may be more hurtful and brutal

than a well intentioned ''half-truth''.

(If I tell him that nobody seemed to get his jokes

he will be devastated. I'll just tell him how much

I liked some of his jokes.)

Life experiences have taught me that when people 

ask for feedback, always lead with the positives

and do not use the word's ''what you should've done'' 

..........ever.......

Lying for the purpose of misleading, manipulating,

distorting, or hiding misconduct will in my view,

more often than not, lead to distrust and relationship

problems.

Brutal honesty is no more honest than a lie,

as it tends to lack kindness and compassion .

''When people speak with brutal honesty,

what is most remembered

is the brutality,

not the honesty.''

(Maya Angelou)

''When people speak words with compassion,

what is most remembered

is the kindness,

not the words.''

(Citizen Z)

About the image: acrylic on canvas

some editing in Elements