Two days ago my son and I lost a dear friend. It wasn't unexpected, our friend had been fighting the good fight for many hard years....yet....it still hurts.
As much as we may try to prepare ourselves for loss; people, jobs, pets, children, etc. etc., I still can't help but wonder if it is at all possible, or if it is even a good idea, to try to prepare ourselves for the potential loss of someone or something that is important, dear, to us.
When we buy fresh flowers, we do so even though we know that eventually the flowers will whither and die. Why? Because while they are still alive they bring us joy. Why bother with listening to music? Eventually the music will end. Because while listening to the music it brings us joy. Why spending hours cooking a delicious meal? It only ends up in the stomach regardless. Because while eating it, it brings us joy. Why bothering with investing time and effort into doing things that has no monetary reward attached to the efforts? Because while investing time and effort into doing things we enjoy, we experience a sense of joy.
A painting, such as the above, is often called a "still life" painting, and my guess is that most "still life" paintings are paintings of inanimate objects. I personally really love the term "still life" because for many of us life often includes moments when life is the very opposite: turbulent, violent, chaotic, fractious, complicated, stormy, noisy, and very animated.
When we go through such times it can be difficult to find even the smallest measure of inner stillness from which we can draw strength and a spirit of resolve to weather the difficulties we are faced with.
It seems to be the case, that at times before we have even had the time to process one turbulent and emotionally draining event, here comes the next one...... We fumble, we stumble, we search for words to soothe and explain, we seek advice, we seek reasonable answers, we long for a safe harbor into which we can withdraw (if even just for a few minutes) in order to be able to find some stillness and calm.
Being alive it seems, is risky business fraught with hurdles, obstacles, hoops to jump through, mountains to climb, stormy seas to conquer, deserts to endure, and "monsters" of many a kind to do battle with. And yet, considering the ability of a single blade of grass to be able to grow through a thick layer of asphalt, I can't help but be amazed at the strength of the life force in that blade of grass.
Or the life force in a crack baby who is born an addict yet manages to cling to life and overcome terrifying withdrawals and other life threatening side effects, or the life force in plants of many different kinds managing to grow and flourish in impossible places, or the life force driving tiny little turtles to valiantly struggle their way to the ocean in spite of a number of predators just waiting to devour them.
When we lose someone or something that is of great importance to us, this often has a tendency to make us think, evaluate, and take stock of what we consider to matter the most to us in life.
Suddenly the impermanence and transitory nature/aspect of life/living becomes very real.
We are reminded that we too one day will become "stardust", as my son puts it.
This reminder of the impermanence of life, although difficult to come to grips with for some of us and often quite painful, can actually also be quite helpful.
"Don't put off until tomorrow those things you know you need to do today."
If you need to find some inner stillness, go find some...now
If you need a safe harbor, go find one.......now
If you need to say sorry to someone, do it....now
If you need to tell someone you care about them, do it.....now
If you need to forgive someone, do it....now
If you need to spend more time with someone, make a date.....now
If you have something to say to someone, do it....now
The NOW is all that we have.
"Nothing in the world is permanent, and we are foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to delight in it while we have it."
(W. Somerset Maugham)
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