On overcoming feeling lonely........

(This is a graphite image that I did for an exhibition that never eventuated and until the other day, I had forgotten all about it.)

While watching a movie, a snippet of a conversation between two of the actors caught my attention:

"-But, I feel so alone."

"-We are all alone."

That little snippet reminded me of the graphite image I did years ago.

For those of us who suffer with social anxiety, or anxiety in general, feeling lonely is something many of us often experience, although those experiences vary from person to person.

I don't know how other cultures view feeling lonely, but I have a sneaky suspicion that in most human societies, feeling lonely is something best not talked about...

And images such as the above, are probably far too confrontational and intense for many of us to look at.

But here's the thing, loneliness can be very isolating and destructive when we feel that there is no one we can talk to about it. Working as a phone-crisis-counselor for a time, it became obvious to me just how many people there are who feel lonely and isolated. 90 % of the calls I received were calls from people feeling lonely. There seems to be stigma attached to feeling lonely: "winners don't feel lonely, only losers do, -if we feel lonely it is our own fault, -if we feel lonely we are weak, -if we feel lonely we shouldn't talk about it because it brings others down, -if we feel lonely then we should adopt a more positive attitude and get over it....etc.etc."

(I can't help but wonder if this aversion to talking about loneliness may not have something to do with that it reminds us of our own times of feeling lonely that we rather forget about?)

I think we should talk about it more, more openly and more honestly.

It is quite possible to feel crowded when alone, and alone in a crowd. Have you ever gone someplace that you really didn't want to go to, but because you didn't want to feel lonely you went, only to find out that once you were there, you felt even lonelier? I certainly have, and numerous of times.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with feeling lonely now and then, I view it as just a part of what it is to be a human, however, thanks to modern technology, there are many different options of how we can reach out to others and make connections. 

But before firing up our "i-thingy" it may be helpful to take a moment and ask ourselves honestly how we view feelings of loneliness.... is it: avoid at all cost!, it's a sign of weakness, or "this too will pass"?

Overcoming feelings of loneliness are usually not helped by pushing those feelings aside, what may be more helpful is to accept those feelings, and disregarding whatever "stigmas" your subconscious dishes out. According to those in the know, we all experience times of feeling lonely, what varies greatly, is how we deal with it. 

Let me suggest a few things:

-

Get busy with something of a life-affirming nature (walking, join up with an activity that interests you, do some volunteering, etc.)

-Explore different surroundings (take another route, buy coffee from another place, etc.)

-Get involved with something that matters to you (join a club, a library,  find a hobby, etc.) 

-Invest time and effort into people you care about and who really care about you

-Become an active listener (paying attention to what someone says and asking questions now and then to ensure correct comprehension)

- "The best way to make a friend, is to become one." 

-There are chat rooms/groups/clubs/etc. on the net for just about anything that may interest someone

-HealthfulChat is a site that caters for many people, people feeling lonely and or isolated have their own room for instance 

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect."

(Chief Seattle)