On overcoming conflict......

Flicking through a magazine suddenly there it was, a photograph of a soldier on the battlefield.

His gaze, straight into the photographers lens, made me reach for my brushes and paints. (This image however is a cropped edited version of the painting that I made that I used as a T-shirt transfer.)

 This is the the painting in full.

"War...what is it good for? Absolutely nothing." sang the Temptations.

Ever since I started this blog I have had as a rule for myself to avoid writing about religions, politics and money matters, my focus has been, and still is on psychological and philosophical aspects of what many of us humans may experience through our lives.

Conflict, regardless of the reason for it, or who may be right or wrong, in my view affect all of us on many levels, including psychologically and philosophically.

As far as I can ascertain, anytime there is a conflict, often anguish follows.

"More than anything else, human beings want to be right" is the opening statement in a book I read a long time ago, and although I can't seem to remember the author's name, the statement stuck with me.

As I pondered the statement I began to wonder why so many of us humans seem to have such a need for being right. Is it so deeply embedded in our collective psyche and belief systems that we don't even question the validity of that need?

Or if "right" and "wrong" are perhaps mere constructs and not "absolutes"?

"Battles" over who is right and who is wrong seem to be following mankind around like an unshakable shadow, and more often than not, result in a conflict. What's so good about being right that it is worth a conflict?

Well, according to some, it inflates/boosts our sense of self-worth.

Many of us have been taught from the "get-go" that asking the "right" questions is far less important than having the "right" answers, I guess one could suggest that most educational systems are founded on having the right answers rather than the right questions. (In an episode of "The Simpsons", Lisa Simpson gets into trouble for "independent thinking" and sets off an "independent-thought-alarm" by asking too many questions as well as the wrong questions. The episode can be watched on YouTube.)

If being right boosts our sense of self-worth, does being wrong do the opposite? Well, if we are taught that being right makes us winners, then being wrong makes us what?..losers. I challenge that thinking, and the reason I do so is that incorrect information has nothing to do with a persons worth in my opinion. Many conflicts often has very little to do with correct or incorrect information and more to do with people having differing perceptions, personal tastes, and belief system telling him/her/them what is right and wrong. 

In highly competitive societies/cultures, often the insistence of being right can become more important than how it may affect our relationships with others, and this, although the insistence often leads to friction in those relationships. If you had to chose between being right or risking a conflict with a friend/lover/work mate/relative/etc., due to differing views on something, what would you chose? If you had to chose between being correct or risking a conflict with a friend/lover/work mate/relative/etc., due to differing views on something, what would you chose? 

Although perhaps we often view correct and right as meaning the same thing, in my view there is a difference. Correct, implies that there is a definite answer to something as for instance a maths problem, "right", on the other hand, although many may agree as to what is "right", is more a matter of opinion, in my opinion of course..:)

(In Thailand, insisting on being right and by doing so making someone else wrong, is considered bad etiquette.)

In maths, 1+1=2, so someone answering 1, would be wrong? Not so fast Scooter.... what if we add 1 anthill to another anthill, wouldn't we get 1 really big anthill? It is possible isn't it?

It is possible and could even be right, but correct? Not so much.

A conflict is the result of opinions clashing, an active disagreement between people with opposing belief systems, opinions, principles, ..etc. you name it, I am sure mankind can find millions of things to make conflicts out of. 

But what if: 

-instead on insisting on being right, 

we entertained the notion of really trying to understand others

views on what is right to them,

-instead of looking for ways to prove that we are right,

we entertained the notion of finding what we have in common,

-instead of escalating a discussion until it becomes a conflict,

we entertained the notion that it is okay for people to have different views on some things and still be friends,

-instead of valuing being right as a priority,

we entertained the notion that being understanding and compassionate as our top priority?

  "Peace is not the absence of conflict, 

it's the ability to deal with it."

(Mahatma Gandhi)