Personal space....how do I find some?

 

IfIwritewithoutanyspaceinbetweenthewordsitbecomesveryhardtoreadwouldntyouagree?

Space in this case, it seems, is quite important.

Space can also be important in relationships, as in "personal space".

So how can "personal space" be defined?

Suggestion: the "region/space" surrounding a person which he/she psychologically and physically regard as his/her own. Most of us put great value in having our "space" respected and when infringed upon may experience feelings of anger, unease, or anxiety.

The size of our physical personal space varies from person to person, and culture to culture.

Some suggest that our sense of our personal space requirements start to form around 3-4 years of age and are commonly not cemented until we go through adolescence. We construct our personal space requirements mainly depending on our social and cultural environments, but our nurturing experiences as well as our brain chemistry also plays a part. (Some research is suggesting that a part of the brain called the amygdala also has a lot to do with the construction of our personal space requirements.)

The size of how much personal physical space we may need in order to feel comfortable and safe may I suggest is inter changeable; it depends on the relationship we have with someone, but according to some, most of us start to feel uncomfortable when someone is (what we deem) too close, which usually means a proximity of less than a metre(3 feet). (If you are speaking with someone and they keep stepping back chances are that you are infringing on that persons physical space.)

If someone infringes on our  personal physical space we can move; step back, but what about our personal space as in regards to our "emotional" personal space?

Boundaries....setting boundaries can be quite helpful when it comes to emotional personal space.

Not only respecting and understanding our own emotional boundaries, but also respecting and understanding others emotional boundaries.

Some of us are quite open about talking and showing our emotions/feelings, and some of us perhaps less so. Whereas you may feel quite comfortable about openly showing or talking about your anger, disappointment, sadness, frustration etc., someone else may not, so being sensitive to others emotional boundaries can be important for the success/quality of a relationship. None of us are mind readers (as far as I can ascertain) so it can be very helpful for us to verbalise when we feel that someone is infringing on our emotional personal space: "Do you mind if we change subject, I don't feel comfortable talking about this right now.....or......I can see that you are upset, and I get that, but do you think we could just take a breather and talk about this in a bit calmer way?....or......I am feeling a bit anxious at the moment, can we talk about this when I feel a bit less anxious?.....or....I get that you are trying to give me some advice because you care, but I think I need some time to process this for myself first if you don't mind....etc." Equally, we may be told the same things by someone who may feel that we are infringing on their emotional space.

Boundaries are in my view for our own benefit and protection, and although perhaps we may experience pangs of feeling that we are being selfish asserting them, my suggestion is that they build self-esteem. Have you considered what your emotional boundaries may be....if not, perhaps spending some time considering what they are may be helpful....?

Knowing what our own, as well as others boundaries are, can be effective in minimizing stress and conflict in our relationships. Some people need alone-space when they come home from work/studies/etc.etc. to debrief and process....but some don't,...some people need to find their own solutions to issues they deal with,....but some need others input,....some people need physical contact when they feel down,....but some don't........some people seek validation from others,....but some seek it from themselves,......some find strength in alone-time,.....but some find it in together-ness, and so on....

Just like it can be hard to read and make sense out of a sentence without spaces or punctuation, it can be hard to understand someone's emotional state without boundaries and or explanations.

If you feel like you need some space; be it physical and or emotional, may I suggest that you verbalise it in a clear, considerate, and caring way?

 

"Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits."

(David W. Earle)

 

"Boundaries are, in simple terms, the recognition of personal space." (Asa Don Brown)

 

"While the introvert is reflecting on the question (thinking first), the extrovert takes this as an invitation to fill the void (talking first). As long as the introvert doesn't interrupt, the extrovert continues to fill the interpersonal space with talk. But as long as the extrovert talks, the introvert can't think and stays mute. Mute means the invitation is still open, and continued talk assures that the introvert remains mute. By the time the extrovert pauses to ask, the introvert's head is pounding and he or she just wants to get out so he or she can think. The extrovert just assumes the introvert had nothing to say, and moves on."
(Laurie A. Helgoe)