What is so "wrong" with feeling sad sometimes?
"Why are you looking so sad, surely it can't be that bad?" Why that sad look on your face?" "Smile, don't look so sad." etc.
Is sadness something to avoid? To clarify, being depressed and being sad, in my view, are very different issues. Feeling sad is a common experience that most of us experience at times, depression is an illness. (So say those in the know) Sadness is not an illness, just a common human response to experiences in life that are upsetting.
Sadness is often viewed as a "negative" emotion and to be avoided, but, is it really?
With the help of fMRI machines and brain research, scientists have been able to delve deeper into what sadness actually is, and how it affects us. What some research is suggesting is that there are actually some "positive" aspects to feeling sad at times, suggesting that there are some adaptive functions involved in periodical experiences of sadness.
Research suggests that sadness can help us to observe details more clearly, become less judgemental, become more compassionate, and to become more resilient. The suggested explanation for this is that a "positive" mood signals "all is well", whereas a "negative" mood signals for us to stay alert and vigilant. In short, when we feel "up" we pay less attention, when we feel "down", we stay attentive.
Professor Forgas, suggests that all moods; positive and negative; have a purpose, although culturally the emphasis predominately weighs in on the side of the positive. Which, in my view is not terribly helpful because it can be easy to come to the conclusion that feeling sad is unnecessary and a sign of emotional vulnerability. When asked the question "what do you most want in life?" many of us commonly answer "to be happy", but does being happy mean that there are never any moments when we may be experiencing feelings of sadness? A person can be a "happy" person, but while watching a "sad" movie experience a fleeting moment of sadness, a person can be a happy person, but while listening to a sad piece of music, temporarily feel sad, and so on. Human beings come with a large range of emotions, and according to psychologist Lyn Everingham: "It is important to recognise that it's completely natural to have both high and low moods. Life throws different things at us. It wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel sad or upset after you have had a bad day or something hasn't worked out the way you wanted."
Feeling sad in response to experiences that we find difficult (in my view), is not a sign of failure to cope, rather, it can help us to process and work through our experiences .....as they say: joy is a friend, but sadness a teacher.
(Prolonged sadness, sadness that affects most aspects of your life, and interferes with your ability to go about your every-day activities however, is depression, and may require you to seek assistance from a health professional.)
Acknowledging when or if, we are feeling sad, we have the chance to prevent our feelings from potentially transforming into anger, bitterness, hopelessness and or helplessness. Suppressing our feelings of sadness and putting on a "happy face" because we feel/think friends, family, society, etc. expects us to, can change our feelings of sadness into anger and resentment.
Sadness is something very personal and inward directed, anger on the other hand, often ends up affecting those around us.
Having lunch with my family in a coffee shop, heart pounding and feeling quite nauseous, I decided to tell my folks the truth; I was feeling very sad. Since a kid, my choice of expression for my sadness was through music, not words, but it suddenly dawned on me that every time I felt sad, I also felt angry. So, I decided to make a change and talk about it. After I had told them that I felt very sad, there was silence and my folks looked very bewildered. Quietly, my mother asked me why I felt sad.
Hesitantly, I told my mother and father about my battles with sadness, but as I did, I could feel the anger lifting.
Sadness, just like happiness, in my view, are transitory states, they come and they go, and they each bring gifts. Experiencing sadness can help us to expand our sense of compassion, empathy, and understanding of the human condition. Experiencing happiness can help us to feel calm, generous, peaceful, and content.
If you feel sad, share your sadness with someone, if you feel happy, share your happiness with someone.
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
(Jonathan Safran Foer)
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