Have you ever been told you're too........sensitive, anxious, serious, deep thinking, touchy?
Can one assume by the use of "too" that there is a "right" amount of such?
Be anxious, but only the right amount, be sensitive but only the right amount of...?
Other times the word "over" is used, as in over-sensitive, over-anxious.. and so on, which leads me to ponder is there an "under"? Have you ever been told you are under-anxious, under-sensitive, under-serious and or so on?
How much is the right amount, and if there is such an amount, how was that established?
If a person finds him/herself incapacitated to the extent of not being able to function in a way that he/she desires due to anxiety or strong emotions of a varied nature, then perhaps it can be constructive and helpful to investigate why it is so.
Statistics show us that more and more people suffer with various forms of anxiety issues such as: GAD; generalised anxiety disorder, Social phobia, Panic attacks, OCD; obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD; post traumatic stress disorder, specific phobias such as irrational fears that applies to specific situations i.e. public speaking, flying etc.
Why do some of us worry more than others, and are there times when worrying is perhaps the "normal/right/natural" emotional response to a situation? A few situations:
A car brake-down late at night, a child being late home from school, a lump in a strange place on your body, loss of a job, a wage cut, your partner leaving the room to answer the phone when it rings, a friend who suddenly is too busy every time you suggest meeting up, and so on.
To worry, or be anxious, in the above situations would probably be a very common response.
When we feel anxious/worried, our adrenaline response is activated, we ready ourselves to fight or flight, or even freeze when necessary for survival. Our senses are heightened and can help us focus whether there is an actual danger or a perceived one.
The thing is, one person may consider something an actual threat while someone else may experience the same situation as a perceived threat and or potential danger.
Perhaps you don't worry about being food poisoned when you buy take-away food, but some do, perhaps you don't worry about flying, but some do, perhaps you don't worry about going to the dentist, but some do, perhaps you don't worry about eating in a restaurant or going to the movies by yourself, but some do.
Perhaps you don't want to think deeply or worry about the world and it's many problems, but some do, perhaps you don't like to get "touchy-feely" or worry about what others feel, but some do, perhaps you don't want to think or worry about what happens when we die, but some do.
Either way, we are all different and respond differently according to how we "see things" and what one person may view as too sensitive, another may view as not sensitive enough.
But for those of you who often find yourself labelled by others as "too- this that or the other" and find it disconcerting, I have a thought......
If you consider yourself an anxious person yet manage to overcome your anxiety time and time again are you not also a brave person?
If you consider yourself a deep-thinking person and use your insight to better understand the world you live in, are you not also a considerate person?
If you consider yourself a sensitive person and you apply your sensitivity to identify and empathise with others experiences, are you not also a caring person?
A perfectionist perhaps can be viewed as a person with a great eye for details, a "worrier" perhaps as a person committed to being prepared for eventualities?
I have often been told that I am too deep, too serious, too sensitive, worry too much, and so on..... and for many years, I didn't even ask myself if I actually thought so too, I just felt that somehow I was experiencing things "wrongly" until a wise person asked me if I agreed with those sentiments.
What I did agree with, was that at times I did tend to worry "too" much, because there were times when my worrying would overwhelm, and inhibit me, but more often than not, my worrying(anxiousness) also motivated me to be observant, vigilant and prepared.
"Better safe than sorry" works for me.
Soren Kierkegaard (Existential philosopher) felt that "anxiety can be our best teacher."
If you view yourself as a sensitive person (without the "too")then ponder this:
15-20% of us are sensitive's, it is innate(inborn), we are more aware of subtleties, we are often misunderstood, we are also often very creative, attentive and thoughtful, writes Elaine N Aaron in her book "The Highly Sensitive Person".
When we are told that we are "too" anything, I can't help but wonder if there is not a subtext saying that there is a "right" amount; you're too kind, soft, sensitive, touchy-feely, anxious, caring, open, et cetera, or ...too: hard, cold, analytical, closed-minded, stubborn, harsh, et cetera.
So once again I ask: "What's the right amount and who determines it?"
If your anxiety and or sensitivity in any way inhibits your life, perhaps it may benefit you to consider whether the word "too" applies to you, and if such is the case, there are many books, web sites and professional people who can help you deal with it.
“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a 'hot mess' or having 'too many issues' are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”
(Anthon St. Maarten)
PS: While searching for a good quote on sensitivity I was struck by how often it is viewed as a "negative" as well as how often the word "too" seems to proceed it.
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