Christmas is almost here, and as I scurry about trying to buy gifts, a thought struck me. What is a gift, and what is involved in giving?
First, a definition of gift; a something given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
Apparently, there is an ongoing philosophical debate on whether human beings are actually able to truly give without any sense of reciprocity attached.
Charles Darwin was obsessed with the question of altruism(doing something for others without expectations of rewards) from the time he devised his theory of evolution; does altruism exist because it ensures the survival of our kin, or does it improve our standing in the "collective" (community) and so further our prospects?
According to findings by Dr Grafman the brain churns out a pleasurable response when we are engaged in altruistic pursuits. There is a now a body of scientific data (using fMRI)which reveals the workings of biological hardware that makes altruism possible. Parts of the midbrain lights up when people make decisions to donate to what they consider to be worthy causes. According to a study by Dr. Harbaugh, altruistic giving is neurologically similar to taking an addictive drug or finding out that you won on the lottery.
Simply put: giving to a charity/worthy cause/others makes you feel good not only because it's a good thing to do for others, but it also makes you feel good about you.
Dr. Harbaugh's work suggests that giving without any sense of reciprocity attached, conscious or otherwise; is very rare, however, the more we give, the better we feel.
In her book "The How of Happiness", Sonja Lyubomirsky writes: “Being kind and generous leads you to perceive others more positively and more charitably.” Giving to others bring them closer to us, as us to them.
However, if we give to others predominately to make us feel good about ourselves, such extrinsic motivations may crowd out our intrinsic motivations for giving, and our interest in the welfare of others may decline. Some research suggests that individuals who devote money(time, effort) to pro-social giving(activities), reported a greater sense of happiness, in comparison to personal spending which showed no relation to their sense of happiness.
"Say what!?!" I hear you say?
Intrinsic; something is valuable for its own sake as opposed to extrinsic; being valuable for the sake of something else to which it is related in some way.
Giving for the sake of giving, not for a reward of any kind, is intrinsic in nature.
Giving in expectancy of a reward of some sort, is extrinsic.
With Christmas only a few days away, many of us are busily running about buying a multitude of gifts, but what sort of gifts are we buying?
As far as I understand it, a "good" gift is a gift that is what the receiver needs, wants, desires, and is given for the sheer joy of doing so. To do so, however, necessitates us knowing the receiver.
Although all balls are basically round, if a basket ball is desired, a soccer ball will not hit the target. All books have words, but if a book of fiction is desired, a non-fiction one will not hit the target and so on. Giving someone a gift (whatever it is) that is something of value for the receiver, shows them that we understand what is valuable to them and has the potential of bringing us closer.
Gifts do not necessarily have to be things, we can give: our time, our attention, our support, our focus, our hands, our skills, to mention a few.
"The greatest gift you can give to others, is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance."
(Brian Tracy)
"A gift with a kind countenance, is a double present."
(Thomas Fuller)
In the middle of the Christmas frenzy, it can be easy to forget about the "gifts" we are surrounded by day after day....such as the air we breathe, the oceans with their beauty and their bounty, the trees that give us oxygen, the many splendid creatures that cohabits this planet with us, the wonders of nature with it's mountains, forests and rivers, the sky that never ends, the mystery of cosmos and micro cosmos, and let us not forget..........the gift of being able to appreciate it all.
But perhaps the greatest gift of all is life itself, and living our lives well, is our gift to life.
“Many people don’t realise that this lifetime is a rare opportunity… It’s a precious lifetime for every Soul who is here… We’ve come to solve the mystery of ourselves, the mystery of Soul – who we are. And it’s a wonderful journey.”
(Harold Klemp)
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