Honesty, is it always the best policy?

A child comes home from school and proudly shows his father his new master piece.

"Look, daddy, look what I did today", he says beaming with excitement.

The father looks at the painting which to him seems like a mish-mash of black and brown hues.

"What is it a painting of, son?" the father ask tentatively.

"Can't you see daddy, it's what the park looked like after the bush fire", the boy exclaims.

The father has to make a moral decision; does he tell the boy that all he can see is lot of brown and black, or does he get excited along with the boy and encourage him on his good work? The boy is obviously very happy with his work.

Is speaking honestly the same as speaking the truth?

For some of us it may be, but I wonder if there is not more to it.

If truth is defined as a true/actual state of affairs/matter, and honesty as being honourable in principles, intentions and actions, then it is possible to be truthful in words yet dishonest in intent.

"Sure, you should tell the boss what you think, honesty is always best policy," says the co-worker knowing that it will cause friction for his mate since the boss is sensitive to suggestions of change.

"Sorry, I have to be honest, but I don't like what you are wearing," says the jealous friend who couldn't fit into the snug fitting jeans.

More definitions. For something to be defined as truth, it  needs to line up with facts and reality, the actuality of the state of affairs.

Honesty can be defined as free of fraud and deception. However, both concepts can be both objective and subjective,  since we all have our own interpretations of the actual state of affairs, or state of intentions.

(Eyewitnesses accounts are often disregarded due to this fact.)

At times it is difficult to separate the subjective from the objective,  and in order to do so a person may need a sense of authenticity of the self as to recognise in him/herself his/her true intentions. Perhaps "the jeans makes his/her bum look big," but if the person is "big" in size,  it is not the jeans that make the bum big, rather the truth is that the bum IS big. Telling the truth without discernment can be just as devastating and deadly as a shot to the heart, (an experience most of us share I think) which leads me to suggest that intent is paramount. Is telling the truth, the whole truth, always possible and is it always the morally right thing to do? If somewhere within ourselves there is an ounce of doubt whether our intention is in the best interest of the other or not, perhaps on those occasions, the truth can wait until we are sure. 

We teach our young that telling the truth and honesty is the best policy but when little Billy tells Auntie Jenny that she is fat, his parents gasp and Billy is quickly reprimanded. At times telling the truth is not only practically and theoretically impossible, it may even be "wrong" in the eyes of good social conduct. Could we sustain any kind of long lasting friendships or other kinds of relationships if we didn't practise "good etiquette"/ good manners, or acting appropriate in a way that's socially acceptable and respectful, display respect, care, and consideration for others?

"Five blind men hold on to different parts of an elephant, neither with any knowledge of what an elephant is, when asked what an elephant is, one touched the trunk, the other the tail, another the ear, another the leg, and another the body. All had different accounts, all interpreted their information according to their own prior knowledge. The one touching the trunk said it must be some sort of tree, the one touching the tail some sort of rope, the one touching the leg thought it was some sort of pillar, the man touching the ear said it was some sort of fan, and the one touching the body thought it was a wall." We all see things from our own perspectives, our points of view, but to perhaps get a full perspective we have to combine our perspectives.

Maybe your friend drinks too much in your opinion and more times than you care to count he/she gets into trouble. You care for your friend and feel you need to tell him/her how you feel; to be honest and tell the truth. How would you do it?

You love your partner but there is a coworker who flirts with you. You feel flattered by the attention but although you have done nothing to encourage the flirtation, you feel disloyal to your partner. Would you tell your partner?

Your sister/brother ravages the fridge when she/he thinks everyone is asleep, you are worried for her/him....will you speak to him/her?

"Always speak the truth in love" says the ancients.

Telling someone they are fat, lazy, skinny, over-sensitive, hyper, perfectionistic, boring, etc.etc. may be the truth according to the person saying so, but doing so without consideration of how those words will affect the recipient, is that not using "the truth" as a blunt object?

Telling someone they are something when you believe something else to be the truth, may I suggest is dishonest....and I have to question the intention behind doing so.

If someone asks you "does my bum look big in these pants, tell me the truth?" how would you answer if the person asking is a "big" person? Suggestions: "No, I don't think so." The truth/actuality is that the person is big, so the pants are not actually making his/her bum look big, the bum IS big. No is an honest answer.

"I'm not sure it makes your bum look bigger." Since perception is so subjective, what you consider "big" may be very different to the person asking the question, so you answering that you don't really know can be interpreted as an honest and truthful answer.

Perhaps when people say:"Tell me the truth,"....it may be wise to ponder whether the person is seeking a confirmation, validation or a different interpretation.

Perhaps before you speak the truth, you may ponder if there are other versions of the truth.

If being honest and speaking "the truth" will cause you or others harm, then perhaps it may behove you to ponder your intentions.

Honesty, as far as I can ascertain, carries with it underlying principles: uprightness, fairness, sincerity, and freedom from deceit and fraud. So speaking the truth in all honesty, can we but ask ourselves: Is my interpretation a fair one,  or are there other interpretations I have not yet considered?

"If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people."

(Virginia Woolf)

"Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken."

(Jane Austen)

(about the painting......honesty and truth, does it need "strong men" to enforce it?.....)