Transform your thinking through stillness

 

Transformative thinking begins in stillness, it is in stillness the greatest thoughts are born.

 Sound is like an ever present shadow, impossible to shake off.

Have you ever tried to find a space void of sound? You know, so you can hear your self thinking?

Where would you go?

Apparently, if we remove all outside sources of sound, we begin to hear our own bodies; the heart beating, the breathing, and even the blood flowing. One night when thunder and lightning was keeping me awake, I reached for my earplugs and much to my surprise, the thunder vanished, but instead I could hear my own breathing and heartbeat so loudly it kept me awake instead. (I became very aware of my body and it's sounds.)

Is there absolute silence?

How do we feel when its quiet all around us, is stillness a friend or foe?

For some people the internal chatter is so loud that external sounds are needed to sustain equilibrium. For some of us stillness is our secret retreat, yet for others stillness is experienced as loud and intrusive. 

"In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you", writes Deepak Chopra.

Stillness can have different meanings; calm, peace, quiet, tranquillity, absence of movement and sound, rest.

However, the kind of stillness I would like to write about on this occasion, is stillness of mind.

The experience of just being.

What does that mean?

To stop doing.

For a moment, just be still and listen to the inner, still voice.

If that inner voice begins to give orders, make plans, chastise or rebuke, that is not your inner "still" voice, that's the echoes of other conversations, other people, other situations.

Your inner "still" voice is for you, your core self, the essence of you.

How do we get in touch with this "still" inner voice?

Perhaps we begin with setting aside some time for solitude in a comfortable peaceful setting, we turn of all "i-thingys", and gently explain to our nearest and dearest our intentions. It can be difficult for some to understand and appreciate that for some of us to "recharge" we need to do so in solitude, so a few kind words of explanation may go a long way.

Perhaps sometimes, our culture behaves as a self-organising conspiracy against solitude and stillness. In global economy, a quiet moment is an under-developed resource. Stillness, or silence, is but lost revenue.  Just how much does a minute of advertising cost in primetime?

The Greeks recognised two modes of times: Chronos=time measured by clocks, calendars, watches....and Kairos=organic, cyclical, intimate, bodily.

The clock on the wall separating the past from the future, the body clock recognising the right moment from the wrong for giving birth.

In stillness, we can ask ourselves those questions we keep pushing away, pretend we don't hear, wouldn't dream of asking.

If we don't, we may run the risk of those un-asked questions ending up shaping our lives.

 

Stillness is the fertile soil,

 a question asked,.. the seed,

an answer,... the blossom,

an insight,.... the fruit.

 

 "Health, contentment and trust

                                                Are your greatest possessions,
                                                 And freedom your greatest joy.
                                                  Look within.
                                                                 Be still."  (Buddha)

 

"When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world."  (Eckhart Tolle)

Live your own life, not someone else's...

 

The minute he/she said it, he/she realised that he/she had become his/her father. As he was telling his younger brother to shape up, he shuddered with the insight that he had become his older, bullying brother.

We are born genetically unique individuals, but the environment in which we grew up, keep on affecting us. What we experienced as children, we have internalised. In difficult situations of stress and pressure, we may suddenly find ourselves responding with primal feelings, feelings from our childhood, feelings we may have considered to have been long gone and buried.

How we see ourselves in the present is often based on projections from old feelings from our childhood interactions.

Now let me introduce you to todays topic: Differentiation.

A definition: Differentiation: a discrimination between things as different and distinct. To become ones own person - to differentiate and separate oneself from others.

Where do "I" begin, how am I separate from my parents/caretakers, when does or did the separation take place? According to some, the differentiation process occurs as life-span development and is concomitant with individuation.

(Individuation: the process by which individuals become differentiated from another, the development of the individual) This process does not necessarily automatically occur with age, often many of us never get beyond the earliest stages, and even fewer of us end up having finely tuned integrated psychological functions.

Becoming an adult, a fully differentiated human being, may I suggest means pursuing ones own goals, standing steadfast on ones own two feet, being able to self-soothe, to make decisions based on ones own convictions and values.

Being an authentic differentiated, adult, may include sparring with ones own culture. To become a differentiated human being, the first step is to learn how to separate feelings from thought ie;  the Differentiation of the Self. Undifferentiated people often have problems separating their own feelings from others, their thoughts from their feelings, and they look to their family to define and interpret their experiences.

"Dad, I don't know how to deal with this, what should I do?"......."Mum, am I raising my kids the right way?"

"I am so confused, what's wrong with me, mum and dad?"

To break our dependency while maintaining closeness, to stay emotionally connected yet pursuing our own values and opinions, we need to differentiate. "I realise dad, that you love Country music, but I prefer Jazz fusion." "I know you like to cook the turkey this way mum, but I have a recipe that I love, can we try it?"

As I am writing this I am reminded that I am still far from differentiated. I still feel hurt if my family don't like the music I compose, the paintings I paint, or the words I write, or worse still....are indifferent to it all. Being emotionally connected yet individuated, certain of ones own opinions yet simultaneously respectful of others, having a firm adherence to ones values yet also regardful of someone else's, being an individual yet part of a collective (family), someones child yet an adult; described like this,... being differentiated may seem a tall order.

According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, self-actualisation is very important for all humans. Self-actualising people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested in fulfilling their potential.

Perhaps not all of us seek such, perhaps some of us are happy with who and what we are, but in case you are not one of them, please read on......
Perhaps you desire to be your own being, strong and steadfast, differentiated from your family, connected but not dependent, if so, let me offer a few suggestions:
Operate according to your own personal values and goals, even under pressure not to.
Learn to attend to your own emotional life, anxieties and pressures, relying on your own inner strength first and foremost.
Refrain from over-reacting, but do face difficult situations/people.
Develop tenacity and resilience through dealing with, rather than running from obstacles, failures or disappointments.

I have a son, and due to the harsh economical climate, he has had to move back in with me. Having an adult "child" living at home, poses many difficulties and one of those is understanding boundaries. Fortunately for me, my son is helping me to understand their importance. Perhaps it is acceptable for a parent to tidy the offspring's room without asking for permission when he/she is under 13 years old, but what about when he/she is 28?
How about doing said offspring's washing without asking first? Entering the room without knocking? Asking questions such as: "where are you going, when will you be back, who are you going with?"
Or starting sentences with: "What you need to do, what you should do..." although the offspring did not ask for advice.
Independence is hard to achieve for a child while the parent is still hanging on to the "handlebars", and so is differentiation both for parent and adult "child" if the interaction remains stuck in "I'm-the-parent-you're-the-child" mode. At some point, the parent need to let go of the caretaker role, and become "another".
All of us have a division within ourselves in which we have internalised the point of view of our parents/caretakers. The way we perceive ourselves today, in the things we do, or closest relationships, is often based on projections from feelings from childhood interactions. To move forward we need to become aware of those feelings, to gain insight into how those affect us, to become aware of inner critical thoughts.
My son challenged my view of boundaries which in turn lead me to think deeply about my own experiences with boundaries as a child. What were they? What are my boundaries today?
How old does a child have to be for the parent/caretaker to take the offspring's requests for privacy, individuality, expression, etc.etc.......to be taken seriously? At what age should a parent let go of the "handlebars", let the child ride the bike on his own, stand back and just be ready with the Band-Aid? At what age would it be good for a parent to stop offering unsolicited advise? When would be a good time to exchange "It is not realistic" for "let me know if I can help"?
If one wants to live life fully, and not merely living the life of another, remaining undifferentiated will not work.
If you feel that you are not living your own life, becoming differentiated may well help you find it. The quest begins NOW, regardless of your age.
If I may, here are some more suggestions that may assist in your quest, and this applies whether you are a parent or a child or both.

Develop a person-to-person relationship. (with parents/caretaker)

Be clear, rather than forceful, about your position.

Stay focused on topic, remain calm even if tempers and emotions flare.

Deflect and avoid, personal attacks.

Develop your own values, ideals, and beliefs rather than automatically accepting the beliefs you grew up with in your culture.

Claim your life.

 

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." (E.E.Cummings)
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." (Nora Ephron)

Pain, what is it good for?

 

"Pain is a teacher, joy a friend", someone has said. What is pain? Does it come in different sizes, appearances, or is pain "one-size-fits-all"?

In medicine, pain is a sensation that hurts, physical discomfort. Essentially, pain is the way our brain reads the information about a particular sensation taking place in our bodies. The information is sent to the brain via nerve pathways.

What about psychological pain, which may also be called emotional pain, psychic pain, soul pain, or suffering?

Different words but basically the same unpleasant feeling. Another definition:

 "a wide range of subjective experiences characterised as an awareness of negative changes in the self and in its functions accompanied by negative feelings, a diffuse subjective experience ... differentiated from physical pain which is often localised and associated with noxious physical stimuli."(Wikipedia)

Psychological pain, by some is believed to be a integral part of the "human condition". 

As I am writing this I am suffering with pain in my shoulders. This pain has been my constant companion for the last two weeks, and so far I have not been able to find a remedy that will ease it. With interest I am noticing that something can begin as a purely physical pain but as it prolongs, it can also become psychological. Being in physical pain affect our psyche, but in what way it does so, is dependent on the sufferer.
We tell our children to not put their hands on the hot plate in order for them to not be hurt, to wear a helmet, to not run too fast, to watch where they are going, to not run with scissors, to not play with knives, to be careful when......xyz, etc.etc.
As parents we try to protect our children from pain in whatever way it may experienced, yet at the same time we know that pain is an important part of the human condition, so we tell cautionary tales.
However, most of those tales begin with "don't"..........and finish with ..."because.....you will end up hurt". Pain can be a very effective motivator for abstinence, abstinence of risky and potentially dangerous behaviours. Most of us prefer to avoid pain if we can, so the looming "because you will be hurt" is often a good deterrent. This works when we have a choice in the matter, what about when pain is inflicted on us for reasons we have nothing to do with?
Such as accidents, genetic dispositions, wars, natural disasters, or crime, for instance? On the way to a gig I was held up by a balaclava clad man with a very large hunting knife. He pressed the knife to my throat and demanded money. With a cold steel blade to my throat, I obliged and gave him what he asked for. No time for heroics, I had learnt in my martial arts class. "When weapons are involved, give them what they want, don't play the hero", my sensei had instructed me.
Those 30 seconds that expired when I was held up changed my sense of security and although I was not psychically hurt, psychologically I was.
Sometimes pain may be a passage that must be endured for something wonderful to transpire, such as in the case of the birth of a child. Women know that to give birth is painful, but the outcome potentially wonderful, so they endure (thank goodness, how else would the human species progress?). A "positive" pain, and an end result so great that the painful aspect of giving birth becomes a necessary and unavoidable passage. Although, for some once may be enough, and for others perhaps seven is the charm...
Besides from childbirth, is there any other "positive" pain? Growing, can be painful for some, yet it is a sign of the body maturing. Sore muscles after a decent work-out, for some is a positive pain. Having an infected wisdom tooth pulled out can be viewed for some as a positive pain. (A burst of pain to get rid of a long suffering one) Vaccinations, injections, setting dislocated limbs right, also bursts of pain to avoid  potential long suffering in the future.
What about psychological pain then? Is there positive psychological pain?
Lets explore.
Change, in any size, shape or form, for many of us involve pain of some kind. "You have to change lifestyle or this will destroy you" says the doctor to the exhausted CEO suffering with anxiety attacks. The CEO takes the doctors words seriously and so cut down his/her hours at work and increase his/her hours at home. Six months later the CEO's relationship with the teenage twins has greatly improved, and every night the family talks about their days around the dinner table. The transition was turbulent and fraught with emotions, but when asked the CEO said it was the best thing he/she ever did.
Changing a potentially destructive behaviour pattern can be experienced as very painful for some of us, especially if the behaviour is our coping-with-life-strategy, but may I suggest it is a positive pain because changing something destructive into something constructive is a life affirming action.
Pain, is a signal........we do well not to ignore.
So, how is pain a teacher? Pain can help us become more compassionate, sympathetic, forgiving, understanding, accepting, tolerant, patient, with others.
Sometimes perhaps we need to experience a heartache in order to really be there for someone else, loose a loved one, hurt our back, loose a job, have a tooth pulled, be misunderstood, etc.etc. A personal experience with pain offers us insight and if we choose, an opportunity to support others when they suffer.
Pain can be a gift or a curse, you choose.
Pain can be a teacher or a closed book, you choose.
Pain can be a world of understanding or a solitary cell, you choose.
Pain can nuture compassion or foster bitterness, you choose.
Pain can motivate or separate, you choose.

"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilised by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - Life itself." (Walter Anderson)

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your suffering" (Kahlil Gibran)

(about the painting: Its called "The Zip", pain pokes his head out through the fabric of illusion)
 

Honesty, is it always the best policy?

A child comes home from school and proudly shows his father his new master piece.

"Look, daddy, look what I did today", he says beaming with excitement.

The father looks at the painting which to him seems like a mish-mash of black and brown hues.

"What is it a painting of, son?" the father ask tentatively.

"Can't you see daddy, it's what the park looked like after the bush fire", the boy exclaims.

The father has to make a moral decision; does he tell the boy that all he can see is lot of brown and black, or does he get excited along with the boy and encourage him on his good work? The boy is obviously very happy with his work.

Is speaking honestly the same as speaking the truth?

For some of us it may be, but I wonder if there is not more to it.

If truth is defined as a true/actual state of affairs/matter, and honesty as being honourable in principles, intentions and actions, then it is possible to be truthful in words yet dishonest in intent.

"Sure, you should tell the boss what you think, honesty is always best policy," says the co-worker knowing that it will cause friction for his mate since the boss is sensitive to suggestions of change.

"Sorry, I have to be honest, but I don't like what you are wearing," says the jealous friend who couldn't fit into the snug fitting jeans.

More definitions. For something to be defined as truth, it  needs to line up with facts and reality, the actuality of the state of affairs.

Honesty can be defined as free of fraud and deception. However, both concepts can be both objective and subjective,  since we all have our own interpretations of the actual state of affairs, or state of intentions.

(Eyewitnesses accounts are often disregarded due to this fact.)

At times it is difficult to separate the subjective from the objective,  and in order to do so a person may need a sense of authenticity of the self as to recognise in him/herself his/her true intentions. Perhaps "the jeans makes his/her bum look big," but if the person is "big" in size,  it is not the jeans that make the bum big, rather the truth is that the bum IS big. Telling the truth without discernment can be just as devastating and deadly as a shot to the heart, (an experience most of us share I think) which leads me to suggest that intent is paramount. Is telling the truth, the whole truth, always possible and is it always the morally right thing to do? If somewhere within ourselves there is an ounce of doubt whether our intention is in the best interest of the other or not, perhaps on those occasions, the truth can wait until we are sure. 

We teach our young that telling the truth and honesty is the best policy but when little Billy tells Auntie Jenny that she is fat, his parents gasp and Billy is quickly reprimanded. At times telling the truth is not only practically and theoretically impossible, it may even be "wrong" in the eyes of good social conduct. Could we sustain any kind of long lasting friendships or other kinds of relationships if we didn't practise "good etiquette"/ good manners, or acting appropriate in a way that's socially acceptable and respectful, display respect, care, and consideration for others?

"Five blind men hold on to different parts of an elephant, neither with any knowledge of what an elephant is, when asked what an elephant is, one touched the trunk, the other the tail, another the ear, another the leg, and another the body. All had different accounts, all interpreted their information according to their own prior knowledge. The one touching the trunk said it must be some sort of tree, the one touching the tail some sort of rope, the one touching the leg thought it was some sort of pillar, the man touching the ear said it was some sort of fan, and the one touching the body thought it was a wall." We all see things from our own perspectives, our points of view, but to perhaps get a full perspective we have to combine our perspectives.

Maybe your friend drinks too much in your opinion and more times than you care to count he/she gets into trouble. You care for your friend and feel you need to tell him/her how you feel; to be honest and tell the truth. How would you do it?

You love your partner but there is a coworker who flirts with you. You feel flattered by the attention but although you have done nothing to encourage the flirtation, you feel disloyal to your partner. Would you tell your partner?

Your sister/brother ravages the fridge when she/he thinks everyone is asleep, you are worried for her/him....will you speak to him/her?

"Always speak the truth in love" says the ancients.

Telling someone they are fat, lazy, skinny, over-sensitive, hyper, perfectionistic, boring, etc.etc. may be the truth according to the person saying so, but doing so without consideration of how those words will affect the recipient, is that not using "the truth" as a blunt object?

Telling someone they are something when you believe something else to be the truth, may I suggest is dishonest....and I have to question the intention behind doing so.

If someone asks you "does my bum look big in these pants, tell me the truth?" how would you answer if the person asking is a "big" person? Suggestions: "No, I don't think so." The truth/actuality is that the person is big, so the pants are not actually making his/her bum look big, the bum IS big. No is an honest answer.

"I'm not sure it makes your bum look bigger." Since perception is so subjective, what you consider "big" may be very different to the person asking the question, so you answering that you don't really know can be interpreted as an honest and truthful answer.

Perhaps when people say:"Tell me the truth,"....it may be wise to ponder whether the person is seeking a confirmation, validation or a different interpretation.

Perhaps before you speak the truth, you may ponder if there are other versions of the truth.

If being honest and speaking "the truth" will cause you or others harm, then perhaps it may behove you to ponder your intentions.

Honesty, as far as I can ascertain, carries with it underlying principles: uprightness, fairness, sincerity, and freedom from deceit and fraud. So speaking the truth in all honesty, can we but ask ourselves: Is my interpretation a fair one,  or are there other interpretations I have not yet considered?

"If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people."

(Virginia Woolf)

"Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken."

(Jane Austen)

(about the painting......honesty and truth, does it need "strong men" to enforce it?.....)

Take a moment.......

How long is a moment?

 

A moment is usually a brief, indefinite interval of time, but it can also be a specific point in time, or a great moment in the past as in a historical context, or of significance/value, or in a string of events leading to one pivotal moment.

Some ways we use the term: "Let me have a moment", "That was a great moment in the history of mankind", "Let me finish my call, it will only take a moment", "I've been waiting for this moment all my life", "I just had a moment of insight", etc.etc".

Pulling a tooth may also take a moment, as well as having an injection, having an accident, losing control, etc.etc.

A brief, indefinite interval of time......how we experience that moment emotionally is not necessarily included; as a "vessel" for time a "moment" may be viewed as neutral.

Compared to the rest of the Universe, mankind has only inhabited earth for a moment,  compared to infinity, a humans lifespan is just a moment.

How significant or insignificant, long or short, a moment is seems dependent on how we experience it, what thoughts and emotions we attach to the experiencing of it.

I recently attended an exhibition of a multitude of works including installations, paintings, multi-media, sculptures, paintings, photography etc. and while viewing one of the creations, I had a "moment". An artist had constructed a huge structure out of cardboard which from the outside looked like a giant yellow cocoon, but stepping inside of it, it was more reminiscent of stepping into a cathedral. As I stood there, I was struck by an overwhelming feeling of reverence.

Simply put, I had a "moment".

I ignored my intellect telling me that it was just cardboard, paint and glue, and allowed myself to just experience my feelings.

Some of us may suggest that we don't have the time to have "moments" because we are too busy with real life moments, others may deem moments as "mumbojumbo", or perhaps we view time as a constant without any particular moments?

Taking a "moment", if I may suggest, is separating out a particular amount of time to focus on a particular phenomena.

Perhaps it would benefit you to take a moment to really taste the food you are eating, to listen to some music without any interruptions, to find a nice quiet spot at lunch and just enjoy the warmth of the sun, to think through some thoughts put on hold, to go for a walk in nature, to call a friend, to start reading that book, to go to the beach and listen to the ocean, to have a nice meal with a friend, etc.etc..........

A lifetime is made up of a lot of moments, some more memorable than others, and some indistinguishable from each other. Perhaps like an image is made up of a myriad of pixels yet on the screen appears as a whole, so our lives are made up of moments appearing as a lifetime?

"Old" people (mature) often tell us to value our lives, to appreciate each day, that life is short and so on, perhaps there is wisdom in their words? Life in every breath, living in each passing moment, each moment a gift.

What about bad moments? you may ask. What if a person's life is full of difficulties and hardship, one "bad" moment after another? Viktor Frankl suggests that the only true freedom a human has is his choice of attitude towards the goings on in his life. In his book "Mans search for Meaning" he writes: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Viktor Frankl spent three years in concentration camps including Auschwitz yet managed to survive, and not only did he survive but he managed to write a book full of hope.

Even in the darkest of hours, we can choose to take a moment and fill it with hope and beauty.

One of the amazing capabilities available to our mind is that we can choose what to fill it with;

in a moment we can be sipping a pink drink with an umbrella on an imaginary beach in the Bahamas, we can be climbing Mount Everest, we can sail the seven Seas, we can walk the streets of Paris, ride a red double-decker bus in London, walk the Chinese wall; there are endless possibilities for destinations in our minds.

If your life is hectic, stressful, fraught with despair and sadness......take a moment and fill it with something hopeful and loving.

If your life is complicated, confusing and full of anxieties, take a moment and fill it with peace and stillness.

If your life is happy and full of goodness, take a moment and fill it with gratitude and humility. Whatever your life may be, take a moment....... and just breathe, there is life in every breath.

 

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves".  (Viktor Frankl)

Am I my brothers keeper?

 

"The opposite of love is not hate" she said, "it's indifference".

"Indifference for others plight, for others misfortune, or for others heartache, indifference puts an "in" infront of human", she carried on.

"When you're sad you become heavy company" sang Joni Mitchell "Money come you've got lots of friends, coming round your door, money gone, spending ends, they don't come around no more" sang Billie Holliday.

Do we find "sad" people taxing? Do we prefer to avoid people with seemingly continous problems, mental health issues and other illnessess?

"Unhappy people are more demanding", some say, "than happy people".

Do you have a friend or relative who always seem to be struggling, who somehow always end up in a mess, who always is short on money, and who uses coping strategies that seem to land them in more trouble than help them?

Most of us do, although "always" is perhaps more of a point of view rather than the accurate state of affairs. Is it possible that some people for no reason of their own, face more hardship?

Is it possible that some people for no reason of their own, face less hardship?

"Don't judge a man until you walked two moons in his moccasins" suggests a Native American proverb. Are we maybe at times too quick with: "why doesn't he/she just.......?"

How often do we mistake a medical issue for a moral one?

Not long ago autism was regarded by the medical experts as parental failure, children with attention difficulties as a discipline issue, reading difficulties were often regarded as "not trying hard enough", addictions indicated failing will power, etc.etc. Today we have many names for "crazy".......bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, multiple personality disorder, schitzoid personality disorder, PTSD, and many more which the DSM III identifies.

Does it make a difference what we call it? My suggestion is that it does. A leg in plaster is a more obvious, visual sign of an injury than a "broken" mind. Nobody expects a person with a broken leg to "snap out of it", which on the other hand is a suggstion often given to a depressed/unhappy/sad, person. Is it helpful to tell a person suffering with anxiety disorder to "just stop worrying", to tell a person with bi-polar disorder to "just relax and go with the flow", to suggest to a person with depression "just cheer up", to tell a person with schitzophrenia "it's all in your head", or to tell a person suffering with PTSD that "that was then, this is now, so just put it behind you"? 

A correct diagnosis (tag/name) helps us understand what our condition is, how severe it is, what the cause may be, and how to develop a treatment plan. None of the above mentioned illnessess are moral issues, they are medical issues, but often they are accompanied by moral implications. According to statistics, more than half of the people suffering with bi-polar disorder self-medicate as a coping strategy, which in turn may lead to moral consequences.

Do we imply moral weakness in a person with the flu? Do we subconsciously deduce moral decline in a person with migrane? Is a stomach ulcer the sign of a character flaw?

Ridicoulousness, we may think. Viruses, bacteria, bloodflow, have nothing to do with morals.

(Epilepsy was once considered as "demon possession", now we know it is a cronic neurological disorder.)

Caring for people suffering with mental health issues can be very confrontational, upsetting, conflicting,  and very threatening. Caring for people "down on their luck", "down in the dumps", sad, unhappy, morose, "prickly", much the same....

Caring about the plight of others necessitates courage and compassion, love and open-mindedness, patience and committment.

This is a matter for morals.

If your friend, brother, sister, partner, child seem sad......instead of asking "why are you sad?", we can ask "how can I help?"

Instead of asking "why don't you try.....?" we may ask "what have you tried so far?"

Perhaps if someone is crying we may offer a hanky and some silent compassion instead of words?

Perhaps if our "brother" is bent over by the weight on his shoulders, we offer to share the burden rather than contributing to it by: "See, I told you."

One of the good aspects of humanity is our ability to emphatise, one of the bad aspects is our tendency to judge others without having walked in their moccasins for two moons.

Am I my brothers' keeper?

We are all each others keepers, methinks.....   :)

 

"There is destiny that makes us brothers, no one goes his way alone; all that we send into the lives of others, come back into our own." (Edwin Markham) 

               "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them we cannot survive."

If you want others to be happy, practise compassion. If you want to be happy, practise compassion." (The Dalai Lama)

(the painting was painted after having viewed footage from New Orleans after Katrina)