It's not my fault, don't blame me........

Sometimes out of the blue(or so it seems)disaster befalls us.

Storms, tsunamis, king tides, hurricanes, tornadoes, hail, etc.etc. and although we may have had an inkling of such, i.e. warning signs, somehow in the aftermath..... while estimating the damage...

we often find ourselves looking for someone to blame.

Is holding someone responsible the same as blaming someone?

To "blame" can be viewed as psychologically projecting the other/others to be the originator/originators of the emotions experienced.

I/we are the victim/victims and I/we are powerless.

To be "responsible", may be defined as the state or and fact of accountability; what is my/our part in this, what can I/we do about it? I/we are not powerless.

Example: "Don't blame me, I had a rotten childhood," visa vie

"I had a rotten childhood, therefore I will......."

"What do you expect, I wasn't given all the information," visa vie

"I wasn't given all the information, therefore I will..........."

How we experience something is often about our perspective, although we may not experience it as such, to us it may appear to be the 'truth", and in doing so, it may not occur to us that other perceptions may also be possible.

When we blame someone/something, we render ourselves powerless; we cannot affect the outcomes.

"Hey", you may say, "I was born with a slow metabolism, it's not my fault that I keep putting on weight". "What do you mean", you may say, "I wasn't asked to be born" ..or..."So I drink, what of it, my family have always been heavy drinkers",...or....."I couldn't help it, he/she makes me so angry"....etc. On the other hand, we may choose to view things differently:

"I may hold the gene pool responsible for certain proclivities of mine, including my quick temper and tendency to procrastinate, but I am working on those, because I prefer to not be beholden to such."

We are not given a choice of genes; i.e. we are not responsible for the cards we are given, only how we play them.

Perhaps you were born with a slow metabolism, but what you eat, is your responsibility once you know that your metabolism is slow. Nobody asks to be born, we just are, but now that you are alive, what you will choose to do with the life you are given, that responsibility is yours. People drink for all sorts of reasons, so if you are a heavy drinker, this is your responsibility unless you are held hostage and forced to drink against your will. Our emotional responses are ours, how we respond to confrontation, conflict, uncertainty, fear, provocation, etc.is our responsibility. If we blame someone else for our responses we remove our opportunity for self-empowerment, for gaining insight, and we become victims.

"You are responsible for your life" Dr. Jay wrote in his book titled "And the walls came tumbling down". At first glance one may respond with: "Yeah, so what, I know that", which is how I responded, until late one night in the car on the way home from a gig(I was a professional musician). In the middle of climbing the biggest hill with the engine roaring and the rain whipping the windscreen,

I suddenly got it.

Responsibility does not equal burden. Responsibility equals freedom.

Freedom how? Self-empowerment. I have a say, I can affect the outcomes, I make the choices.

Instead of blaming the genes for not being tall enough for xyz, perhaps you are tall enough for abc?

Instead of blaming your rotten childhood for your lack of motivation, perhaps because of your rotten childhood you can become motivated? Instead of blaming the wife/husband for not understanding you, perhaps you can check to make sure you are understanding her/him?

Instead of blaming someone for not being your friend, you can make sure you are one?

Instead of blaming the government for xyz, you can offer your services for improving xyz?

Acquiring the attitude/stance of responsibility offers us the possibility to affect change, whereas blaming "cements" us in the attitude of victim hood.

The amazing and totally wonderful freedom we have is that we can choose how we perceive things.

To change our perceptions we can perhaps begin with asking questions such as: are there other ways to view this, are there more variables, are there other solutions, can we deal with this differently, in what ways am I responsible for the outcomes, can I make other choices which will give me outcomes I am more content with, etc. etc.

For all the advances our civilisation has made, there are still phenomena and phenomenon that lie outside of the human scope although we are steadily working on transforming the unknown to the known. When a disaster strikes, we seek to blame......., we seem to need to release some of our anger, sadness, frustrations and fears through assigning blame; we want whoever/whatever we consider to be responsible to be held accountable through the dispensing of proportional punishment.

Question is; who or what do we blame or hold responsible for natural disasters, genetic disorders, falling comets, mutated viruses, etc.etc.?

Sitting here, typing this, I can't help but become aware my own insignificance in the sight of universe. Yet, I am still pondering whether the mind is bigger than the sky.

Because, for me,........the mind, ....... is the frontier.

Perceive yourself to be a victim, and you will be, perceive yourself to be empowered and free to make choices, and you will be.

 

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.
It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

(Jean-Paul Sartre)

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” 
(Eleanor Roosevelt)

(about the image: its a graphite of a duststorm)