Speaking versus texting.........the art of conversation

 

Are we becoming more and more visually dependent to the detriment of the art of conversation?

Are we using our eyes more and more like impersonal lenses; collecting data impervious to context?

Are we becoming a people of parallel monologues rather than dialogue?

Are we becoming a people who prefer to interact with/through a screen rather than face to face with others?

How often do we sit down with friends, family, partner, and just converse?

Perhaps a definition of conversation may be helpful: "Conversation  is a form of interactive, spontaneous communication between two or more people who are following rules of etiquette."

 according to Wikipedia.

Put another way, conversation is an interchange of thoughts, ideas, information, experiences, using the spoken word.

What about chatting through an interface? Is that not also a conversation?

It is an exchange of thoughts, ideas and information, but only through the written word so there are some aspects of conversing missing: body language, intonation, and facial expressions.

Facial expressions are important to the interpretation of words, especially ambiguous ones, hence the use of emoticons.....:)

"You're gonna wear that ?.....lol....  :p  ... :-) ....  :/ etc.

For a person who enjoys using sarcasm, the application of emoticons may be necessary........  ;-)

When we speak/converse face to face, we have the opportunity for a deeper connection with the other by becoming familiar with their face, voice and body language, as they with ours.

Speaking/conversing face to face, necessitates listening.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”  (Ralph G. Nichols)

“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.”

(William Hazlitt)

Way back when,...when we used to sit around the fire and share our adventures, stories, lessons, etc. a bond between the speaker and listener was forged. With gestures, body language, and intonation, reflecting the words spoken, the speaker could make his/her story come alive for the listener, and

a relationship between the storyteller and the listener was established in the sharing of an experience.

With the event of a writing system, stories, information, experiences, etc. could reach a larger audience, but perhaps the relationship between the storyteller and listener changed. The listener became the reader and the storyteller the author. When we speak with others face to face, we may be called storytellers, but when we write or text, we often become authors. Our approach to the written word can be different to how we treat the spoken word.

Example: A witness is called to court to testify. On the stand the witness says: "I heard him say that.........." up pops the defence lawyer: "Move to strike, hearsay". At which the prosecutor retorts: "Your Honour, I have a written statement from the witness" at which the prosecutor is asked to hand over the statement for the judge to read.

Once we see something in print, (on screen) we often attach more importance to the words, than if we heard them spoken.

Example: Your friend calls you and says:
"Man, I saw this strange thing in the sky last night, looked like a UFO, had red flashing lights and hovered. Couldn't have been a plane because it was moving backwards. I have never seen anything like it."

Twilight zone material, you think?

Next morning you read in the paper about a UFO with flashing red lights spotted by a journalist.

Seeing it in print, does it still seem like Twilight zone?

Which brings me to texting, twittering, etc. What we post or text, could it not be likened to the "printed" word? Someone texts to a friend that person x has done y. The language reads like a headline: "X has done Y!" Two hours later 1500 people have received the message yet nobody has contacted X to actually confirm the validity of the statement. Hiding behind anonymity on-line a person can write scathing insults and criticisms, but would he/she do so face to face?

"..... when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it."

(Jiddu Krishnamurti)
Is it possible to connect as deeply with someone through an interface as it is in person?
I don't know.
Some will say yes, others no.
Whether on screen or in person, we often misunderstand each other it seems. We have different definitions, different interpretations of the meaning/message behind what is written/said. Caps lock is accidentally on and the words become insulting, an emoticon is forgotten to mark that the comment was supposed to be tongue in cheek and the receiver feels miffed, the time-lapse between message and reply interpreted as too long and the sender concludes that the receiver is not properly attentive, a word is misspelt and is interpreted as an affront, and so on.
Person to person conversations also have pitfalls: too loud, too quiet, too fast, too slow, mumbles, strange body language, poor choice of word, speaking on top of the other, and so on.
When we text, we can hide our emotions, which is far more difficult in a face to face conversation.
That is;
We can't hear the other person's anger, distress, sadness, etc. neither can we see it in facial expressions or body language.
Texting perhaps is more task oriented; where? when? who? what? how? than having a chinwag/conversation with someone. Sometimes just being with someone and conversing about in-depth or pressing issues may help us to connect on a deeper level. We can feel a sense of belonging sharing our humanity with someone next to us.
"Everything in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening."

(Jeanette Winterson)
Having someone give us their full attention in a face-to-face conversation, as we give them ours, we create a bond, we tend to each other, and we learn to listen.
But perhaps best of all, is that for face-to-face conversation you don't need an app, nor any kind of i-Thingy, no download gigs, there are no bad reception areas, and here's the cherry on top;....it is absolutely free.