What about me!!!?

 

I, me, myself, who is that?

 

When and how do we discover that "I" am separate from "them", and once "I" have found "me", will "I" be a static impression/experience/state or will "I" keep on changing?

This is how Baumeister(Psychology professor at Florida State University) defines the self: "the individuals belief about him/herself, including the person's attributes, and who and what the self is".

Put simply perhaps it can be defined as referring to how we think about or perceive ourselves, our own evaluation of what we call the "me".

A child smiles and someone smiles back, the child cries and things happen,  now the child realises that he/she is separate from others, and all this before the child is six months old. 

Having realised that he/she exists as a separate experiencing being, the child next becomes aware that he/she is also an object in the world; an object, including people, with experiences and different properties. Like: I am a boy/girl, I am three years old.

Moving along..........Carl Rogers, (An  American psychologist and among the founders of the humanistic approach to psychology), believed that there are three aspects to the "self-concept" such as self esteem, self image and the ideal self. Self esteem=the worth you give yourself, self image=how you view yourself, and the ideal self=how you would like/wish yourself to be.

If you asked yourself the question: "Who am I?", what would be your answer?

Many of us would probable begin with a physical description( I am tall, short, brown eyed, etc.), then our social position( I am student/worker/football player etc.)followed by some personal traits(I am hard working, contentious, patient, etc.) and perhaps we may add: I am a human being, a Global citizen, a pacifist, etc.

How we define ourselves has a lot to do with how others react to us, as do how we think we compare to others, how we view our standing/position in the society we live in, and how and to what extent we can identify with others.

In high school there was a "cool-group", a group of people that somehow seemed
"better, cooler" than most, and to be included in that group was something that many of us "less cool" students aspired to. If others admire us, seek our company, listen to what we have to say, in short accept us for who we are, we develop a positive self-image. Consequently, if others avoid us, ignore what we say, belittle our attributes, often we develop a negative self-image.

We compare ourselves with others, and if we come up short, we tend to develop a negative self-image, if we compare ourselves and come out on top, we develop a positive self-image.

Already in primary school we become "actors" with different roles to play, and often we keep playing those roles throughout life.

The "class clown", the "brain", the "fat kid", the "book worm", the "tough kid", the "goody-two-shoes", the "sports fanatic", etc.etc.; the stigma attached to those roles can be hard to shake off.

If we identify with the "roles" we play, it can be difficult to re-invent ourselves and we may find ourselves stuck in a cycle of negative self regard, however, we do possess the facility for change.

A very helpful tool for instigating change can be to avoid the use of absolutes.

"I have always.......xyz" replace the always with often. "Everyone/everybody.......xyz", replace the everyone/everybody with some or many. "I am always.......xyz" replace with "sofar I have.........xyz".

Someone once said: "we are what we think" suggesting that if we change our thinking we can change who we are.

Some things we can't change; where we were born, who gave birth, our height and the fact that we will die one day, the rest pretty much has wriggle room.

Are you the person you want to be?

How do you define yourself?

Is there a mismatch between how you view yourself(self-image) and what you would like to be?

(ideal-self), if so, this will most likely affect your self-esteem(self regard).

If we have high self-steem, then we have a positive regard for ourselves, we have confidence in our abilities, we tend to be optimistic, we don't need others approval(although we may value it), and we have self acceptance.

If we have low self-steem, then we often seek others approval, we lack in self-confidence, we worry about how others will see us, and we tend to have a negative outlook.

Example: If you don't trust yourself, will others? If you don't value yourself, will others?

So how do we improve our self-esteem?

• Talk to yourself like you would to your closest friend.
• Challenge negative "self-talk", i.e; question the validity of the things you say to yourself.
• Try not to engage in the comparison game, do the best you can.
• If someone gives you a compliment, accept it graciously.
• Cut down on worrying as much as you can...
• Let go of the past, life happens now.
• Stand up/stick to your values.

          Find time for enjoyment/relaxation whatever that may be........

 

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent". (Eleanor Roosevelt)

"Noone will listen to us until we listen to ourselves". (Marianne Williamson)

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” (Harvey Fierstein)

 

What about me, I, myself?

That's entirely up to you.