Don't be so sensitive...........

Have someone ever told you: "Don't be so sensitive"?

Or maybe it was phrased: "You're being over-sensitive".

Is there an "under sensitive"? More to the point, is there a "right" amount of sensitive?

And if there is a right amount of sensitive, how was this established and by who?

Researching the word "sensitivity" I realised that the term is not easily definable.

So here is my definition: processing of sensory data.

According to a person's previous experiences, how we digest, observe, and interpret those experiences/data more often than not is coloured/influenced by earlier perceptions and emotions.

If our last experience of public speaking/public performance, was one of butterflies, dry throat and a wobbly stomach, we will probably become "sensitive" to the thought of another such event.

If as a child we were told: "Don't be so sensitive, just take it on the chin", we may deduce that the "right" behaviour in similar situations is to not display our emotions/feelings.

Basically we establish an approach toward a multitude of events/phenomenon that we feel comfortable with. We "play our cards close to the chest", become "an open book", have a "cautious approach", etc. In a sense we establish for our self a "right" amount of sensitivity.

Which varies from culture to culture, but in most societies there seem to be a collective agreement of an acceptable level of sensitivity as well as our individual perception.

If someone tells you that you are too sensitive, it is still up to you to decide whether you agree with the statement or not. Some of us are more aware of our inner emotional states and so process our sensory data on a deeper level with the result that our responses will vary from those with a more "relaxed" approach.

In 1996, Dr Elaine N. Aron coined the term, "highly sensitive person", a term/trait presented as a positive in her book "The Highly Sensitive Person". Some of the positive aspects she presented are: creativity, emotional awareness, a greater sense of empathy, a cautious approach to decision making.

Personally, the book encouraged me to carefully consider certain words from a different angle.

Such as: maybe "perfectionism" could be defined as "attention for detail", "over-sensitive" as "emotionally deeply aware", "doesn't play well with others" as "needs space to process", "introverted" as "rich inner life"?

If a society values "extroversion" as the norm, then "introversion" may be considered a peripheral behaviour; a less "normal" way to behave/act. Often when a behaviour is specified as "too-anything"  it is deemed so in conjunction with what the "majority" considers normal.(According to each culture)

What about some well known, not so normal people?

Names such as Vincent van Gogh, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Carl Jung, springs to mind...all considered sensitive people, not normal, yet their contributions to mankind arguably beyond reproach.

If we live in a society which values extroversion, then being a sensitive individual, (introverted), we may find ourselves questioning our behaviours and be tempted to view ourselves in a negative light rather than appreciating our inner awareness and sensitivity.

Perhaps at times shifting our focus to the "outer" world rather than the "inner" may be advantageous for the introverted, and perhaps at times spending a bit of time reflecting on the "inner" may be helpful for the extroverted,

after all, we all share the same planet and the more we understand each other, the greater the chance of us all getting along.

 

“In an extroverted society, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert is often unconsciously deemed guilty until proven innocent.” (Criss Jami) 

 

“Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”

(Jonathan Raush)

ps. the image is a graphite on cardboard, the model my son