Being different....

 

Kermit the frog sang: "It's not easy being green........."what if you are blue, or just different?

In 1994 a book by psychologist Richard J Herrnstein and political scientist Charles Murray titled "The Bell Curve" was released. In the book the argument is that human intelligence is a good predictor of many personal dynamics.

Although the book is both controversial yet supported by some, the "bell curve" has assumed a role in psychological research and practise. In the book there are useful applications of statistical concepts, but in searching for "normality" in the data and its variables, there is a risk of treating the bell curve as an absolute.

If we agree that there is a "normal", how did we arrive at that conclusion? What is normal anyway?

"Conforming to a standard, expected, usual, standard" some say.

 "Normal is also used to describe when someones behaviour conforms to the most common behaviour in society (known as conforming to the norm)." (Wikipedia)

Is "normality" desirable or can there be too much normality? When does normality become conformity?

If we desire normality, what happens to creativity, ingenuity, imagination, etc.? In a normal world is there any space for Van Goghs, Da Vinci's, The Wright brothers, Einstein's, Kierkegaard's, etc?

In a normal world, would anybody entertain the notion of going to the Moon?

For some children being label "not normal" in school can haunt them for the rest of their lives. "Normal people don't dress, eat, look, think, behave, laugh, walk, etc.etc. like that" a catch phrase that can be very hurtful for a person being told so, and highly suspect since it relies on there being an absolute normal. Walking around naked bar a loincloth can have you arrested for lewd behaviour in one culture yet be normal in another, speaking/chanting against a wall will possibly have you carried away to a mental institution in one culture yet in another its common practise. Normal seem to be a word with much flexibility and many interpretations.

In school as a small child I was bullied for not being normal. Nothing about me seemed to be normal to others and there seemed to be no end to how many things about me was wrong; I mean; not normal. Is normal right and deviations from it; wrong? Do not most of us consider ourselves and our behaviours as normal?

For someone working night shifts eating breakfast at three in the afternoon may be normal, for a musician practising on an instrument for five hours a day may be normal, for a sportsperson working out for many hours a day may be normal, for a dedicated religious person praying for hours may be normal, for any person committed and dedicated to their work whatever it may be, spending many hours doing so, may be normal and so on.

Maybe normal like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder, the term is indeed very flexible.

So what if you are different, if your normal seems to be different from many others?

Most of us like to belong, to be included, to be accepted by the society we live in, and usually being considered "normal" is the ideal for inclusion, which may lead to a sense of pressure to conform.

We know what to expect from normal people, but what about people who are different?

There is an element of the "unknown" with people who are different which at times may be experienced as uncomfortable by some.

Speaking too animatedly, laughing too loudly, displaying too much emotion, being over excited, using too much body language etc. according to the norm can clear a room, bus, train in no time at all. Of course in a different culture none of those things may be different but rather the norm.

To answer the question of what "normal" is, seems to be like answering how long a piece of string is.

If being different costs you fellowship with others, then maybe ponder if there is something you can change or modify that will make your fellowship more successful.

Maybe one can just remove the labels all together, different or normal, and just concentrate on discovering how to be who you want to be.

 

"A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.” (Jim Morrison)
 

“Our lives are mere flashes of light in an infinitely empty universe. In 12 years of education the most important lesson I have learned is that what we see as “normal” living is truly a travesty of our potential. In a society so governed by superficiality, appearances, and petty economics, dreams are more real than anything anything in the “real world”. Refuse normalcy. Beauty is everywhere, love is endless, and joy bleeds from our everyday existence. (Domenic Owen Mallary)