Is being lonely the same as being alone?
Does longing have something to do with loneliness? Does choice have something to do with being alone but being lonely does not? Is loneliness an unwilling, imposed solitude but being alone a pleasurable emotional state, a chosen solitude?
A person may experience being lonely in a crowd and yet feel crowded when alone.
What's at the bottom of feeling lonely?
Possibly feeling lonely begins somewhere early in our lives when we have experienced feeling separate, disconnected, and invisible to those who matter the most to us. We desire to fit in, to be accepted and valued for who we truly are; we want to have a meaningful connection with others and if ignored or rejected, we often carry those feelings of rejection, of not being "good enough" with us.
By carrying these feelings with us they may eventually manifest themselves as feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, resentment, insecurity, etc. and may perhaps lead us to believe that we really are unworthy, and unlovable.
Feeling unworthy, or/and unlovable then, we may find ourselves avoiding social interactions and thus perpetuate our sense of loneliness.
Self-fulfilling prophesies telling us that we are unlovable, coupled with feelings of rejection, we may find that often withdrawal seem our only dignified option since it offers the notion that we choose to withdraw, and so we may find ourselves without incentive to interact.
"Better to be wanted by the police than not wanted at all" someone said and judging by the growing prison populations, maybe there is something in those words?
Solitary confinement, when chosen, may be regarded not as a punishment, rather as an opportunity to discover more about the core essence of who you are, but when the very definition of who you are depends on others, then maybe "solitary confinement" may be experienced as a disconnect with the core "you". Perhaps you feel/think that people just don't get you and if they would just give you the chance, they would realise that you do fit in, you're just like everybody else? (This thought probably presents itself to most of us)
To quote Dale Carnegie: “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation, for your character is what you are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” and further more: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” (These quotes are from his book "How to win friends and influence people") Feeling "lonely", being lonely can be viewed as an adjective, whereas maybe "alone" can be described as either an adjective or an adverb. For instance, feeling lonely seem to infer a missing someone/something....an absence, a lack, however alone for me is more so inferring that there's no one around because of a choice made. "There was a man alone in the room" compare with "there was a lonely man in the room".........or... "she was alone at work" verses "she was lonely at work".
"Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone."
(Paul Tillich)
When asked once to define what loneliness is for me, I had to have a good "think" and then answered: "Loneliness is a straight line", which led my friend to ask: "What's "alone" then? to which my answer was: "Many intersected lines".
Every new day offers the possibility for change, to live in the past will cost us the future, so if at this point you feel lonely, maybe look into the possibility of turning "lonely" in to "alone"?
"Love is our true destiny, we do not find meaning of life by ourselves alone,...we find it with another." (Thomas Merton)
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