Fear....essential for survival but detrimental to a fully lived life....

I have heard it said: "A life lived in fear is a life half lived." I have also heard it said: "In order to truly see things as they are, we must first remove our blindfolds of illusion."

A while back, I invented a "Teddy" figure that would speak about issues difficult to illustrate. (These two drawings are both "Teddy".)

In conversation with a friend, my friend told me that she has recently realized that many of her decisions on what to do and what not to do, were "fear" based; fear of getting hurt, fear of making a mistake, fear of being misunderstood, fear of failing, fear of letting someone down, and so on.

Now, in hindsight, she can't but help speculate on how different her life could/would  have been if she would not have sub-combed to her fears.

Fear .. is an emotion, not a very pleasant one, but a rather important one because without it we may throw ourselves into potentially precarious and dangerous situations without first considering possible consequences, on the other hand, sometimes we may see danger and threats to our  physical/emotional safety, where none exists except for in our own minds.

A person may know that statistically speaking, flying is safer than traveling by car, but for someone who struggles with a fear of flying, that stat makes little difference or impact on his/her fear.

Whether "irrational" or "rational", fear in any shape or form, is a powerful emotion. Accumulation of information and knowledge, can be helpful and soothing for some of us, but for others, not so much.

(Saying "Don't be scared of that spider, it's just a Tarantula and they are not venomous" does little for someone scared of spiders staring at a huge Tarantula climbing up their leg.)

For someone experiencing fear, for whatever reason, rational or not, the fear is telling that someone Danger! and to get away, to avoid, that which is feared. Fear, some say, is our first line of defense when it comes to survival.

There are some fears that most of us share: extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation, and humiliation/shame. Most of the things we are fearful of, at some level, fits into one of those categories. Depending on our life experiences, these fears can have subsidiary (additional) fears attached them. What may have begun as a fear of spiders can develop into a fear of any creepy crawlies, what may have begun as fear of rejection by someone, may develop into a fear of rejection by anyone, what may have begun as a fear of failing in one area, may develop into a fear of failing in all areas, and so on. For some of us, our fears may seem as if they just come from "out of nowhere", they grab hold of us and there is little we can do to stand up to them. Not so, say those in the know: "when we begin to see fear and its companion emotions as basically information, then we can think about them consciously. The more clearly and calmly we can articulate the origins of the fear, the less our fear will frighten and control us."

So, some of us are perhaps like the Teddy with all his patches and band-aids, and then there are others of us who may be more like the Teddy running while blind folded.

Symbolically speaking, the "blindfold" represents a number of different things: resistance to clarity, denial, wishful thinking ("I can't see it, so it doesn't exist"), a lesser state of consciousness, etc.

But it can also symbolize impartiality and objectivity, especially in law as in the case of "Lady Justice", who is wearing a blindfold.

Teddy, like many of us, at times desire and seek "fun" and excitement, exploration and adventure, new experiences and new relationships, and in order to fulfill such desires we may prefer to be "blind" to the potential dangers that may encountered on the way. The "fear" of what can or may happen is overcome by the desire of expanding the experience of being alive; living life to its fullest.

During a break at a gig (music), the bass player in the band asked me to play a game of pool with with him. "You play pool, don't you? he asked. "Sure" I answered although I had only played pool a few times. Much to my surprise, I managed to drop one ball after the other into the pockets until there were only two left. By this time, the other band members had rallied and there were quite a number of people standing around watching the game. All eyes were on me while the bass player made sarcastic comments: "Go on, sink both of them with one shot." Quietly to myself I thought "Is that even possible?" I stepped up to the table, chalked the cue, and I do not lie, Whack! with one shot, one ball dropped in the left pocket, the other in the right pocket, whilst leaving the white cue ball spinning on the table in-between the two. No-one was more surprised than me!!!! Luckily for me, I didn't have to play another game because the break was over and we had to get back on stage. It was just one of those fluke moments, a new experience, a fun experience, probably possible because for me there was no fear involved; fear of failure, or fear of humiliation; it was merely a bit of fun.

As well as being "blind-folded" by "wishful thinking", in my view, it is also possible to be blind-folded by "fearful thinking", and with that I mean, fear (of whatever kind) "blinding" us from seeing possibilities that may offer us ways of enriching and expanding our lives. Blind-folds can be insidious, because they are often invisible to ourselves, and when or if others suggest that we are wearing one (it may be called something else like wishful thinking, fear, bias, prejudice, attitude,etc.) more often than not, we don't respond favourably.

Being a human, from my point of view, means at times we may have to be: patched up, get a stitch or two, use a crutch or two, wrap ourselves in woolen blankets, mend a broken heart, put band-aids on, and have band-aids ripped off.

"I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom - how great is that?" (Soledad O'Brien)

If you are running, are you running from or towards?.........

After driving for hours, we finally arrived at the destination; Gulf Shores.

As I stepped out of the car, perspiration had drenched my clothes and I felt like I had been through a car-wash. The Alabama summer was in full swing, the heat stifling with barely a whiff of a breeze to cool the air. As we started to unpack the cars and unload our music equipment, I had dizzy spells and I started to wonder if I was even going to be able to play at all. My hands were clammy, sticky, and felt like they were on fire, drips of perspiration trickled down my forehead into my eyes, down my nose, and then finally leapt for freedom off my chin. Slowly but surely I got the electric piano on its stand, connected all the leads to the amp and mixer, plugged in the sustain pedal, and then discovered that I had forgotten to bring the stool to sit on...... Now this was a bit of a dilemma, because this gig, was an out-door gig in a park with no spare chairs or stools about, so before we had even started to play a note, I had to start improvising. As a jazz musician, improvising is what one does, so I started to walk around the park searching for something I could use as a stool...nada.

The drummer however, had a light bulb moment and told me I could use one of his drum cases to sit on. Phew!! Disaster averted.....well, not for long.

This gig was the first trio gig (piano/bass/drums) that I was doing since arriving in the States and both the drummer and bass player were very respected and well known musicians, so me forgetting the piano stool was not a good beginning. I was sweating bullets. Doing trio gigs means that the pianist has to carry both the melody and harmony, so this was an important gig for me, but it was also an opportunity to prove my worth, so to speak. Finally, all the gear was set up, an audience had started to form, and it was time for us to start playing. I counted us in, and hit the first chord.......nothing, not a sound.

Frantically I ran my fingers up and down the keys only to discover that all the keys in the middle of the keyboard didn't work. Panic. The middle of the keyboard is where all chords are made, how was I going to be able to play the tunes with only the bass and treble register to work with?

Did we stop playing? No. This was jazz after all...... Usually, the melody is played with the right hand, and the chords with the left, but since this was not possible, I had to swap and do the opposite.

Here I am, playing with one of Duke Ellington's bass players and the darn keyboard stops working..!

All my solos had to be done in the bass register and all the harmonies in the treble, geez....but

much to my surprise, the bass player and drummer loved it!

They both had big grins on their faces, and seeing that made me brave and very adventurous. Two years of practicing the piano six hours a day in preparation for my stint in the USA, paid off......

We didn't have a big audience, but the people who were there seemed to really enjoy the performance we gave them, and we certainly had a lot of fun performing for them. Three hours flew by, and then it was over.... As I turned around to say thanks to Cleve (the bass player), he stretched out a hand and and with a big smile on his face said:  "I knew you could really play when you adapted to playing without a mid register, and this, without dropping a single beat or note." I shook his hand, thanked him, and could finally exhale. 

As a musician, my stint in the USA was my longest, and by far the scariest, most exciting, and educational,  "on the road" experience. For a musician, touring is often something that comes with the job, but for those of us who are not mega stars with mega budgets, more often than not, touring often means one non-descript motel after the other, un-healthy food, far too much bitter coffee, too little sleep, late payments (we'll send you the check), etc. etc. 

Jack Kerouac, author of the book "On the Road" writes: "Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road."

This novel, in broad-strokes about freedom and longing, has inspired many of its readers ever since first published in 1957, although, in my view, it does at times tend to "romanticize" the reality of what a life on the road may actually entail. Many of us have probably had moments when we have felt like we just wanted to hop in our cars and take off on the "open road" and leave it "all" behind. Perhaps at times that may seem like our best option to a tricky situation, and perhaps sometimes it is, but more often than not, whatever problem we may want to escape, we often take with us "on the inside" and unless we somehow manage to resolve the problem, we may end up mere shifting locations.

On the other hand, going on a "road trip" at times can help us to change and widen our perspectives, have new experiences, meet new people, and discover things about ourselves previously unknown.

Traveling is often encouraged as a way of broadening one's mind, running away?....not so much.

But, who decides what is what?

You.

If you are feeling "antsy", is it because you want to get away from something, or because you want to expand your experience as a human being, expand your horizon, so to speak? 

Walk away from, or walk towards?

You decide.

"Wherever you go, there you are! You can't run away from yourself, or the underlying situation, no matter where you go. You won't find happiness anywhere, unless it's already there in your heart, and therefore you have carried it with you." (Andrew James Pritchard)

What makes something "real"?.......

What makes something "real"?

If it can be seen, touched, smelled, heard, and or tasted?

These are our common senses and for a long time, those were our "guides"when it came to establish if something was real or not.

So what is a "sense"? "a faculty by which the body perceives an external stimulus; one of the faculties of sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch."

Nowadays however, most scientists agree that there are other "things" that makes us decide whether something is real or not.

For some of us, something is real if it can be supported by facts, scientifically verified evidence, rigorous scientific scrutiny, and in some cases, all the above plus statistics.

This can be somewhat problematic, because memory, thought, consciousness, love, imagination, inspiration, experiences, feelings etc.etc......for most of us seem very real, although at this moment in time, all the above would be virtually impossible to subject to the scientific method, and if one was to call them "facts", a hefty debate would follow. Take a "thought" for instance, our thoughts are very real to us, some of us may even say "it's a fact that we all have thoughts". Scientifically, I am not so sure it can be called a fact, philosophically,...perhaps?

While chatting with someone on-line recently, someone said: "Seeing is believing"... I have heard that phrase used many times, but this time I decided to bite: "Hmmm....for me, that seems like an oxymoron" I said and ducked for cover. (In my experience, challenging that phrase often tend to make folks quite animated.)

"What do you mean, oxymoron?" he/she asked then continued "so you're into blind faith then?"

"Blind faith, in my view, is also an oxymoron" I answered then continued "an oxymoron is like a figure of speech in which one term contradicts the other as in "an open secret, or minor crisis, or pretty ugly" for example. If you can see something with your eyes, you don't need to believe anything, the thing you see is before your eyes and so "sight" verifies it as actual. Believing something, you see nothing in actuality, but in your "minds eye", it can be experienced as a "reality."

"You're an idiot" he/she said and sadly, with those words the conversation ended.

Regardless whether we can substantiate and or verify something as real from a scientific stand point,

most of what we experience in our lives, we experience as real.

Our thoughts seem very real, so does our feelings, but just like consciousness and love, we would be hard pressed to provide any scientific proof/evidence of such. But, our feelings, thoughts, love and consciousness affect our actions and behaviours, and those in turn can perhaps be viewed as evidence for their existence. We may not "see" the wind, but we see its affects, we may not see thoughts, but we see how thoughts affect someones behaviour, we may not see love, but we see how love affect someones behaviour, we may not see others experiences, but we see how they affect their behaviour, and so on. Logic and reason, rational thinking and reasoning has brought human development and progress far, but it has its limitations, in my view.

Science, wonderful as it is, is often "speechless" when it comes to comforting someone who is experiencing the loss of a loved one, a broken heart, a confused mind, loneliness and or isolation, social anxiety and or depression. Far more helpful (in my opinion) than facts and evidence, is someone who listens, shares their experiences, and offer a hand of friendship and compassion. 

What makes something "real"? That, to me, seem to depend very much on how one defines the word real. So, let me offer a few suggestions: existing or occurring as fact, actual rather than imaginary, a concept for things that on a collective basis we agree on are real such as for instance: tree, car, traffic light, house, lamp post, water, etc.etc. We may all have differing views on the colours, the sizes, and so on, but we may all still agree: "that's a tree, because it has a trunk, branches, roots and leaves. We can see it, hear it (when its windy), smell it, touch it, and taste it (especially if its a fruit tree)."

Scientifically speaking, a heart may be a "pump, a muscle, etc....."  and a brain more or less "water and fat", but that's not what we commonly mean when we say "he is heart broken, she has a soft heart, he is hard heartened, my heart tells me I love him/her, he/she had a heavy heart, etc. etc." and reminding someone who is heart-broken that a heart is a mere pump, is usually not received very well albeit a factual statement. Even if we can't substantiate our experiences, thoughts, feelings, imaginations etc. scientifically, we experience such as real nonetheless. 

Pondering these things has lead me to the notion that there are things that human beings as a collective experience as real, but there are also things that on an individual level we experience as real that are obvious and actual only to each of us individually. Two realities, a collective reality in which we function and interact with each other, an individual reality in which our very own belief systems, perceptions and interpretations are obvious and actual only to us, and as far as I can ascertain, we exist in both simultaneously, although occasionally, .....they do seem to overlap.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one." (Albert Einstein)

"Life is not a problem, but a reality to be experienced." (Soren Kierkegard)

(The painting, is depicting a little African boy as imagined by me.)

How to see things with fresh eyes........a child's eyes.....

I read somewhere that children have a different concept of time than adults do. For a child, time is either now or later. They very much live in the now (present), and later, is a very nebulous concept that only becomes "real" when that later becomes now.

Many of us have probably had bedtime stories read to us about animals of many kinds that can walk and talk, or fly, or both, stories about gallant princes and beautiful princesses living in far away lands, stories about magicians and witches with magical, mystical powers, etc.,... stories in which all things are possible.  Many of them beginning with the words: "Once upon a time......."

For children, "time travel" seem not to be an issue...whether listening to a story, or watching one on a screen, children seem to be able to just "Be There". Perhaps, for a child, "time" is more of a "liquid", malleable kind of concept rather than a static, hours, minutes and seconds, kind?

Of course, once a child starts school, "real" life starts, and so does "real" time. 

Slowly but surely, the child learns that time comes in increments, and that it is very important to learn and understand those increments because a human's life revolves around those.

Time is no longer "wake time" or "sleep time", now or later, rather, time is fixed and what a person does have to be done according to that fixed time. A child also learns that time never goes backwards, only forwards, and armed with that knowledge many of the stories previously "real" and possible for the child, now become fantasies and therefore impossible. 

Luckily for mankind methinks, there are many humans who somehow manage to keep alive their ability to view the world with the eyes of a child. People who challenge established concepts and constructs and ask: but what if?

What if time could move backwards? What if time is not what we think it is, but something else?

 What if some things we deem impossible could be made possible with a different approach? What if some fantasies could become realities? What if something we view as unsolvable could be solved with a different perspective?

Through the eyes of a child, horses can fly if they are unicorns....a horse can fly, if it is on a plane.

Through the eyes of a child, Santa Clause is real..... a person wearing a Santa Clause outfit is real.

Through the eyes of a child, magic is real......... a trick performed by a clever magician can often appear very real to most of us.

Through the eyes of a child, stuffed toy animals can speak........ a stuffed toy animal with a recorded voice inside of it can speak.

Through the eyes of a child, princes and princesses are real........Harry and William are real princes and Diana was a real princesses.

Through the eyes of a child, time travel is possible..... when we fish up an old memory, do we not travel back in time in our minds?

I have a feeling, that if there were not people who just like children ask: "yeah, but what if?" it is quite possible that I would not be able to write this sentence right now.......

"If we could all see the world through the eyes of a child, we would be able to see the wonder in everything." (Citizen Z)

On overcoming feeling lonely........

(This is a graphite image that I did for an exhibition that never eventuated and until the other day, I had forgotten all about it.)

While watching a movie, a snippet of a conversation between two of the actors caught my attention:

"-But, I feel so alone."

"-We are all alone."

That little snippet reminded me of the graphite image I did years ago.

For those of us who suffer with social anxiety, or anxiety in general, feeling lonely is something many of us often experience, although those experiences vary from person to person.

I don't know how other cultures view feeling lonely, but I have a sneaky suspicion that in most human societies, feeling lonely is something best not talked about...

And images such as the above, are probably far too confrontational and intense for many of us to look at.

But here's the thing, loneliness can be very isolating and destructive when we feel that there is no one we can talk to about it. Working as a phone-crisis-counselor for a time, it became obvious to me just how many people there are who feel lonely and isolated. 90 % of the calls I received were calls from people feeling lonely. There seems to be stigma attached to feeling lonely: "winners don't feel lonely, only losers do, -if we feel lonely it is our own fault, -if we feel lonely we are weak, -if we feel lonely we shouldn't talk about it because it brings others down, -if we feel lonely then we should adopt a more positive attitude and get over it....etc.etc."

(I can't help but wonder if this aversion to talking about loneliness may not have something to do with that it reminds us of our own times of feeling lonely that we rather forget about?)

I think we should talk about it more, more openly and more honestly.

It is quite possible to feel crowded when alone, and alone in a crowd. Have you ever gone someplace that you really didn't want to go to, but because you didn't want to feel lonely you went, only to find out that once you were there, you felt even lonelier? I certainly have, and numerous of times.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with feeling lonely now and then, I view it as just a part of what it is to be a human, however, thanks to modern technology, there are many different options of how we can reach out to others and make connections. 

But before firing up our "i-thingy" it may be helpful to take a moment and ask ourselves honestly how we view feelings of loneliness.... is it: avoid at all cost!, it's a sign of weakness, or "this too will pass"?

Overcoming feelings of loneliness are usually not helped by pushing those feelings aside, what may be more helpful is to accept those feelings, and disregarding whatever "stigmas" your subconscious dishes out. According to those in the know, we all experience times of feeling lonely, what varies greatly, is how we deal with it. 

Let me suggest a few things:

-

Get busy with something of a life-affirming nature (walking, join up with an activity that interests you, do some volunteering, etc.)

-Explore different surroundings (take another route, buy coffee from another place, etc.)

-Get involved with something that matters to you (join a club, a library,  find a hobby, etc.) 

-Invest time and effort into people you care about and who really care about you

-Become an active listener (paying attention to what someone says and asking questions now and then to ensure correct comprehension)

- "The best way to make a friend, is to become one." 

-There are chat rooms/groups/clubs/etc. on the net for just about anything that may interest someone

-HealthfulChat is a site that caters for many people, people feeling lonely and or isolated have their own room for instance 

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect."

(Chief Seattle)

Home? Please define.......

At the moment, millions of people have had to flee their own countries to find safety and the chance of a peaceful existence for themselves and their loved ones. One of the many countries people have sought refuge in, and still do, is Sweden.

Sweden, one of the Scandinavian countries, nestled in between Norway and Finland. Not a very large country, comparatively speaking, but a country rich in culture and many parts of the country, in my view, offer extraordinarily beautiful nature to behold.

What one may consider beautiful is of course highly subjective, and varies from person to person, but at the moment the heat and humidity here in Australia has me longing for, and missing, snow, cold winds, and fresh, crisp air to breathe. 

I left Sweden a long time ago, but I didn't leave because I had to, or because there were threats to my life, or bombs falling from the skies, etc. I came to Australia to visit my family who had immigrated to Australia and somehow........ I ended up staying.

I was not "fed up" with Sweden, I was not having a "Sea-change", but I did fall in love with the golden beaches, the blue, blue, waters, the palm trees and the very friendly people I met.

The thing with leaving a country behind to begin a new life in another, is that it is not easy, nor simple, rather, it is quite complex and often an emotional roller-coaster ride.

For many of us it means learning a new language, new customs, new cultures, new traditions, new values and ethics, adapting to a new climate, finding ways of befriending new people, etc.etc. it is a steep learning process with many hurdles to overcome.  

For those of us who have had to leave our own countries in order to survive, it is even harder. Somehow the longing for "home" although it may dissipate, more often than not, never goes away. 

From our earliest days as infants, we create a sense of our place in the world/our home, and that sense is about safety and security, and from those early experiences we form our most basic "truths" about ourselves and the world around us, suggests those in the know.

This longing for "home" is a common human experience and one that often involves a "mind-space" rather than an actual physical space. Some examples: "When I met her/him, I felt like I was coming home".......When I heard that music, I felt like I was coming home......First bite I took, and I felt like I was home......... The smell made me feel like I was home... etc.etc. 

(Years ago I recorded an album here in Australia titled "My home is in my Heart" and the idea for the title came from a realization that the heart is the only "space" large enough to have numerous homes.)

For those of us fortunate enough to have been born into safe, loving, and secure homes, home means a place of safety, security, love and inclusion, but there are people who are born into circumstances in which home means the very opposite, and the consequences of such are many and varied, and can often leave both physical and emotional scars for life.  

Even if we leave "home" for whatever reason, I believe that the need for "home" is so strong in all of us that the minute we leave one home, we will begin to search for a new one: a sanctuary for body, mind and soul. 

Although I call Australia home nowadays, sometimes I still miss Sweden, as I am sure many others from other countries living here sometimes also miss their countries of birth, and that in my view is okay. It is quite possible to embrace and love one country while simultaneously feeling the same way about another, just like it is possible to love all one's children equally. I love the seasons in Sweden with all the changing colours, the red-painted cottages, the golden coloured wheat and mustard  fields, the stark colours of the north of the country, the deep impenetrable pine forests, the cold blue lakes, the glittering archipelago, Stockholm and all her amazing islands, the rattle of birch leaves in summer, the candles in the windows at winter time, the sailboats on the lakes in summer, the smell of burning leaves in autumn, and the lilies of the valley in spring.

 But I also love the purple flowers on the jacaranda trees, the vermilion flowers on the flame tree, the smooth and golden sand on the beaches, the oceans surrounding the whole of Australia, the many amazing and unique creatures on land, in water, and in the air, the easy-going-ness of the aussies, and their wicked sense of humour.

If ones home is in ones heart, then why not try to make it spacious enough to include many people, many places, artworks of many kinds, and "bits" from many cultures?

Home is where love rules without limits.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” 

                                                                (Maya Angelou)

On overcoming conflict......

Flicking through a magazine suddenly there it was, a photograph of a soldier on the battlefield.

His gaze, straight into the photographers lens, made me reach for my brushes and paints. (This image however is a cropped edited version of the painting that I made that I used as a T-shirt transfer.)

 This is the the painting in full.

"War...what is it good for? Absolutely nothing." sang the Temptations.

Ever since I started this blog I have had as a rule for myself to avoid writing about religions, politics and money matters, my focus has been, and still is on psychological and philosophical aspects of what many of us humans may experience through our lives.

Conflict, regardless of the reason for it, or who may be right or wrong, in my view affect all of us on many levels, including psychologically and philosophically.

As far as I can ascertain, anytime there is a conflict, often anguish follows.

"More than anything else, human beings want to be right" is the opening statement in a book I read a long time ago, and although I can't seem to remember the author's name, the statement stuck with me.

As I pondered the statement I began to wonder why so many of us humans seem to have such a need for being right. Is it so deeply embedded in our collective psyche and belief systems that we don't even question the validity of that need?

Or if "right" and "wrong" are perhaps mere constructs and not "absolutes"?

"Battles" over who is right and who is wrong seem to be following mankind around like an unshakable shadow, and more often than not, result in a conflict. What's so good about being right that it is worth a conflict?

Well, according to some, it inflates/boosts our sense of self-worth.

Many of us have been taught from the "get-go" that asking the "right" questions is far less important than having the "right" answers, I guess one could suggest that most educational systems are founded on having the right answers rather than the right questions. (In an episode of "The Simpsons", Lisa Simpson gets into trouble for "independent thinking" and sets off an "independent-thought-alarm" by asking too many questions as well as the wrong questions. The episode can be watched on YouTube.)

If being right boosts our sense of self-worth, does being wrong do the opposite? Well, if we are taught that being right makes us winners, then being wrong makes us what?..losers. I challenge that thinking, and the reason I do so is that incorrect information has nothing to do with a persons worth in my opinion. Many conflicts often has very little to do with correct or incorrect information and more to do with people having differing perceptions, personal tastes, and belief system telling him/her/them what is right and wrong. 

In highly competitive societies/cultures, often the insistence of being right can become more important than how it may affect our relationships with others, and this, although the insistence often leads to friction in those relationships. If you had to chose between being right or risking a conflict with a friend/lover/work mate/relative/etc., due to differing views on something, what would you chose? If you had to chose between being correct or risking a conflict with a friend/lover/work mate/relative/etc., due to differing views on something, what would you chose? 

Although perhaps we often view correct and right as meaning the same thing, in my view there is a difference. Correct, implies that there is a definite answer to something as for instance a maths problem, "right", on the other hand, although many may agree as to what is "right", is more a matter of opinion, in my opinion of course..:)

(In Thailand, insisting on being right and by doing so making someone else wrong, is considered bad etiquette.)

In maths, 1+1=2, so someone answering 1, would be wrong? Not so fast Scooter.... what if we add 1 anthill to another anthill, wouldn't we get 1 really big anthill? It is possible isn't it?

It is possible and could even be right, but correct? Not so much.

A conflict is the result of opinions clashing, an active disagreement between people with opposing belief systems, opinions, principles, ..etc. you name it, I am sure mankind can find millions of things to make conflicts out of. 

But what if: 

-instead on insisting on being right, 

we entertained the notion of really trying to understand others

views on what is right to them,

-instead of looking for ways to prove that we are right,

we entertained the notion of finding what we have in common,

-instead of escalating a discussion until it becomes a conflict,

we entertained the notion that it is okay for people to have different views on some things and still be friends,

-instead of valuing being right as a priority,

we entertained the notion that being understanding and compassionate as our top priority?

  "Peace is not the absence of conflict, 

it's the ability to deal with it."

(Mahatma Gandhi)