Control is an illusion

Ensconced in his father's embrace the little

boy feels safe. Although having endured trials,

 tribulations, visions of despair and

devastation far beyond his understanding,

his trust in his father's strength and ability

to protect him, is... absolute.

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Certainty of what's going to happen next;

second, minute, hour, week, etc. etc. etc.

is according to ''those in the know'' a very,

if not THE most powerful psychological and

social drive for us humans.

We are pattern seeking creatures/beings with minds

/brains that are able to quickly identify patterns and then

sort them in to categories as in for example: 

unsafe, safe, dangerous, unstable, poisonous,

etc. or good for eating, good for sheltering under,

good for making friends with and so on.

Scrambling for a sense of certainty in life

is something that is ''inbuilt/inherent'' in us 

so the smart folks say.

However, judging from personal experience and research

on the subject, always needing certainty can be risky.

I use the word ''risky'' because needing certainty can

easily digress into needing control.

In psychology seeking to have control is a ''form

of anxiety''. 

We can plan ahead, we can make maps(mental 

and geographical), we can load up on all the information

we think we may need to know, but........we

cannot prevent things from going wrong, fall

apart, crack etc...........

Unexpected things have a tendency to show up

regardless of how much we may prepare ourselves.

Teenagers are fabulous at teaching us that as

parents we need to let go of believing that we

control them. Waiting for my child to come home

from going to parties, duffs or festivals was

a seven different hells experience.

I had to learn that negotiation and not law

and order kept our relationship healthy.

I have experienced myself how anxiety can

get out of hand and how scrambling for control

rather than down-playing any uncertainty can

make a person(me) even more anxious.

Then one day my doctor gave me a book and

told me to read it. I did.

GAD. Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Basically, one is anxious about everything.

This anxiousness often tend to tempt us

to try to control what or who-ever makes us anxious.

The problem with trying to control people

and things is that that bases my(your?) well-being

on factors that are outside of me(you).

This doesn't work.

Shift to what may work.

A. Focus on my (your) own strengths and

competencies.

       B.  I(you) am the owner of my(your) life and 

my(your) emotions. Take charge.

''Releasing the illusion of control

can quiet an anxious mind.''

(Dr. Rick Hansen)

about the image: Acrylic on large canvas +

some editing in Elements

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(People have asked me what kind of music I

play, so I will give you a few options to

check out. All music, lyrics and arrangements

are composed by me.)