Bipolar disorder is not an attitude, it's an illness..........

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness also known as manic depression.

Although the exact cause of it is not known, it causes extreme mood

swings ranging from the lowest low to the highest highs.

I don't know what it is like to suffer with bipolar, I only

know what it is like to live with someone who suffers with it.

In my case, that someone is my son.

Loving and living with a bipolar sufferer is in my view often

an emotional rollercoaster ride.

I never really know when the next crisis will take place

so I live in a constant state of heightened awareness. I try

to be observant of potential ''triggers'' that may upset or anger

my son so I try to chose my words very carefully.

Little things can quickly become big things so I have had to learn to

assess my son's state of mind before I talk about things that

 may seem ambiguous to him.

Trying to figure out what goes on in the mind of someone

with bipolar disorder I realized that just like my mind is my

''normality'' the same goes for someone with bipolar.

I no more really understand or ''get'' how my son thinks about

things then he does about how I or anyone else thinks.

Bipolar disorder is a neurological illness that changes the way 

the brain operates. It can affect the way it processes information,

feelings, and thoughts. It can also affect impulse control, balance,

speech, and motor skills.

 (Brain chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine are often

affected in someone with bipolar disorder.)

Right now my son is going through a really difficult episode.

He is convinced that he is dying from some mysterious illness.

He is obsessing, ruminating, can't sleep, is dizzy, etc, etc.

Two visits to two different ER's has not calmed him

although the doctors could not find a cause for his concern.

All I have to offer in comfort is to listen and try to come up

with ideas of where next to seek help.

For me, bipolar disorder is like hanging on to the tail

of a tiger at full sprint, it may however stop at any time,

 turn, and tear your heart out.

(The reason for the title is that often the behaviour

of someone with bipolar disorder gets confused

with a bad attitude and selfishness.)

about the image: pastel, charcoal and ink on brown-ish paper.

Why it is important to have a dream..........

 The above painting is one of many that was part of an exhibition

I was commissioned to paint for a gallery a few years back.

It's titled ''Dreamers arriving in New York.''

In my mid 20's my life was pretty much a mess.

Although I had two jobs, both well paid, my own apartment,

lots of friends, and free to do as I pleased, I was slowly becoming

a stranger to myself.

Most nights I would not get to bed before four o'clock in the morning

only to have to get up again three hours later to start all over again.

I drank too much, smoked too much tobacky and ''wacky'' tobacky,

 ate too little,  and slept way too little.

I knew I was burning the candle at both ends but seemed incapable

of being able to break free from my unhealthy lifestyle.

 Often I would find myself dreaming of just jumping on a plane to 

Australia and joining my family ''down-under''.

 Start a new life, get serious about my music, but somehow

 I just didn't seem able to save up enough money for the airfare.

Then one day I received a letter from my family informing 

me that my younger sister was going to get married. 

If I wanted to be present at the wedding

 they would pay for my ticket.

As I had not seen my family for three years, I gladly although

also somewhat hesitantly, accepted the invitation.

My intention was to stay in Australia for six months, sort

myself out and then return to Sweden and start my own

jazz quartet.

That is not what happened.

After the initial chock of encountering blazing heat,

viscous deadly critters everywhere, (and I mean everywhere!)

the bluest ocean I had ever seen, swaying palm trees and

pearl white beaches subsided....I started to like Australia.

I was working in my folks restaurant, I had quit all my

bad habits, started to practice the piano in earnest,

and was living a much healthier life.

As the time for me to return to Sweden drew closer

and closer, I realized that I didn't want to go back there.

I wanted to stay. To do so I had to become an immigrant,

get a permanent visa, which I discovered, was not at all that easy. 

To achieve this I had to file form after form, do interview

after interview, find guarantors, references, etc. etc.

But, eventually after many legal battles,

 Australia said: Yes, okay then, you'll be right.

(This painting of a father and son arriving in America

is the image that lead to me being commissioned to prepare

an exhibition with the theme of ''American Dreamers''.)

As an immigrant having had ''dreams'' of moving to

someplace else, somewhere new, somewhere where I

could re-invent myself into a better self, I get the importance

of ''having a dream''.

The term ''The American Dream'', is a term I am familiar with,

so I named my exhibition ''American Dreamers.''

After two world wars with all the carnage, destruction and tragedy

that followed, mankind needed something to have hope in.

From what many of us Europeans could ascertain, America

seemed to offer the most possibilities for a new beginning.

(I mean, in the span of about 25 years Europe had gone

through 2 world wars. That's a lot of trauma, loss and 

despair to heal from in my view. America on the other

hand, apart from Pearl Harbor, had not been mercilessly

 bombed for days and nights on end.)

 

''The American Dream'' sounded good to many of the survivors

around the globe. Survivors who had been left with decimated

 families, little more than the clothes on their backs and a bunch

of horrible memories to their names.

The above images are samples of some of the paintings

from the exhibition.

''Jimmy'', a little excited Chinese boy celebrates the 4th of July

''JFK'', son of an Irish immigrant

''Johnny sings cry'', Puerto Rican background

''The Babe", German ancestry

''The first TV set'', two German boys watches TV for the first time

''Native American medicine woman'' once, there were no

States, only country shared by many different tribes.

This medicine woman is setting the states ''free''.

For many, the idea of America, a country founded on

a declaration of independence, freedom for all, on democracy,

helped them endure the many struggles that came with

leaving their birthplace and finding a new home.

Today, things are different, but what is the same is

that there are people who still have dreams of leaving their homes

 in search of new beginnings, new opportunities, more freedom,

and safer environments in which to bring up their families.

''Without a progressive vision men dwell carelessly.''

(Not sure who said this)

Having a dream for a better ------------insert here your own choice----------

is important because it can give your life a meaning, a purpose,

a direction, but perhaps most importantly.....

a sense of hope.

''Hope is that thing with feathers

that perches in the soul

and sings the tune without the words

and never stops....at all.''

(Emily Dickinson)

about the images: acrylic on large canvas

All paintings have the American flag as a backdrop.

If there was something as the Australian Dream,

the British Dream, I could just as easily have used

any of those flags as a backdrop. 

However, for me

it's the Dreaming part that matters, not the choice of flag.

Freedom is not a license to do whatever we like...............

''We want our freedom!'' the protesters yelled as they marched 

down the city street waving their home-made placards and banners.

I was perplexed. As far as I know, Australia is a country in which

we enjoy many, if not most freedoms, so what freedom was it that

the protesters wanted exactly?

Basically, what they wanted was the freedom(?) to do what they

want to do, and when they want to do it.

Personally, watching people all up in arms because they were told

by our government to socially distance, wear a face mask,

 and limit the size of assembly, really upset me. 

It upset me because there are thousands upon thousands of our

fellow human beings who struggle to survive and keep their

families alive while being subjugated to inhumane, corrupt,

militant, dictatorial, void of any freedoms at all, governments.

Take Afghanistan for instance:

Image after image streaming from Afghanistan with real people

fleeing for their lives from a regime that has as a goal

to silence the voices of dissention. 

 Protesting, speaking out against the new regime in Afghanistan

is not accepted, indeed, it more often than not will result

in tragedy for the protesters.

I guess that perhaps for those of us who have the

 privilege of having been born in democratic countries,

 free to voice our opinions without the fear of governmental

retaliation, it can be easy to forget that for millions of us to

voice dissenting opinions to that of those in power may

result in incarcerations or possibly even torture and death.

Watching Afghani people climbing airport fences with

children in their arms, running barefoot onto the hot

tarmac, even clinging on to the landing gear on departing

army jets in a bid to escape to freedom, I felt ashamed

when I later watched the news footage of hundreds of (in my view)

privileged white (predominantly) people demanding 

their freedom.

Freedom, what is it really?

Being able to do what one wants to, when one wants to?

But what if what one wants to do endangers someone else?

Even in the most perfect of democratic countries there are

limits to what we can and can't do. For instance:

A democratic government still have to have laws and 

ensure that they are enforced. 

Freedom, as I view it, is not freedom if it does not include

 a certain amount of limits and responsibilities.

In short: if my ''freedom'' in any way hinders, endangers,

or limits your freedom, then I need to rethink how I

define freedom.

The way I see it, freedom is not a license to do

whatever we like, nor is it an entitlement.

Freedom only comes as a society when we personally accept

complete responsibility for ourselves and for our treatment

of others.

Instead of manning the barricades in protest because 

we have to wear a mask, social distance or only being allowed 

to have 10 people attend a gathering, perhaps protesting against

homelessness, poverty, low wages, financial inequality,

lacking public health schemes, lacking funding for war vets,

etc. etc. etc. may be worth a shot?

I mean, how big of an infringement on our freedom is it

really to wear a mask when we're out and about, or to socially

distance when we're standing in a line, or to get together

in smaller groups?

After all, there are millions of women who have to cover

their faces their whole lives, all of us require personal space,

and isn't get-togethers more about quality than quantity?

''Freedom is never more than one generation away from

extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in our

bloodstream.

It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for

them to do the same.''

(Ronald Reagan)

about the image: In protest of his treatment, a man stitched his lips

together. This happened here in Australia.

Ink, charcoal and acrylic on canvas board.