Waiting. A waste of time or a time to think?

Waiting.

Whether we like it or not, waiting is something

we all have to endure at some time or another.

It intrigues me how it seems to be easier to

wait for something when we are given an estimated 

waiting time.

''Your table will be ready in ten minutes, the doctor/

dentist/counselor/solicitor/etc. etc. will be with you

shortly.''

Shortly? How long is a ''shortly''?

So, here's the thing with language, any language.

Language, in my view, is a system of symbols which

we use to express meaning. Meaning is not in the language

itself, but in the meaning we ascribe to the words we use.

It may seem as if meaning is in the word itself, but

is it really?

''Shortly'' for one person for instance may mean 15 minutes,

for another person it may mean two minutes.

As a ''frequent flyer'' at hospitals and medical clinics, I 

have learnt that ''the doctor will be right with you'' is

seemingly a very malleable concept.

 (It can actually mean anything from 30 minutes to seven hours

in my experience.)

  In my view, the word waiting is not ''time'' specific, neither is it ''experience''

specific. 

Depending on what we are waiting for, it seems we can experience time 

 as dragging, as speeding, or even as standing still.

''And the winner of the Best Overall Composition is.. ''

time stopped as I waited for the announcement.

''My name is Doctor Smith and I am a surgeon at The General

Hospital. Your son has had an accident and we need to 

operate on him immediately. Do you consent?''

Driving as fast as I could to the hospital, I felt as if time was dragging.

''How long did it take you to paint that painting?''

''I have no idea. Time seems to fly when I paint.''

''Time flies when you're having fun,

time drags when you're in pain,

time stops when you're really, really scared.''

(Citizen Z)

Waiting, as far as I can ascertain, always include the

passing of time. This, for some of us, can perhaps be experienced as

''wasting time''.

Wasting time as in: ''time elapsing in an unproductive manner.''

Well, these days we have a cure for any time wasting: the smart phone,

 the laptop, the i-pad, or any tech-device that can be used to fill in

(being productive in some way) time while waiting.

According to research done by Microsoft, our attention span has

dropped 25% in just a few years.

Not saying this is the case, but perhaps that it may have made ''waiting''

seem more of a waste of time than an opportunity for

a time of reflection and mindfulness.

Have you ever said: "I haven't even had the time think

about it?''

If you have, then perhaps those un-expected or even expected moments

of waiting can be used for thinking?

(According to those in the know, we make ''better'' decisions when 

we have thought things through.)According to MentalHelp.net:

''One of the most frustrating of experiences is having to

wait.''

They also point out that becoming enraged will not speed up

the waiting time, all it does is raise our blood pressure and

put undue pressure on our hearts.

In a few days I will have to deal with some serious waiting

myself while my son undergoes an operation on his abdomen.

But as a frequent flyer at hospitals, I come prepared with

books, sketchpads, and Oh yeah, a smart phone.

''What we are waiting for is not as important as what

happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.''

(Mandy Hale)

The problem with problems.........

I don't know about you, but I sometimes feel as if I've

been through a shredder.

Stuff happens, we deal with it and then try to move on.

Right? Yeah, well, not always in my view.

Sometimes stuff happens at such an alarming rate

that it can be difficult to find the time or space to ''re-group''.

You know, one of those weeks when it seems

as if anything that can go wrong, goes wrong.

You've just managed to sort out one problem

when the next one comes along and knocks you for six.

(A bit like the 70's Arcade game Whac-A-Mole methinks.)

Problems are pesky critters that insists on our attention.

Sometimes we may try to ignore them, we may try to

''whack'' them away, but in my experience, more often than 

not the most efficient way to get rid of them is to deal with them.

''Easier said than done'' you may say.

And I agree, sometimes we may face problems that

may overwhelm us, that zaps us of all our mental energy

and leaves us wanting to curl up in a fetal position.

But perhaps sometimes that may be just what we need

to do in order to gather strength?

I am all for positive thinking, affirmations and problem

solving, however, life has taught me that there are times when

retreating to a quiet and safe place and just be still for a moment

before tackling a problem can be more helpful.

A few years ago my father was very ill and we were all very

worried about him. Not wanting him to be alone, all of us

in the family took turns in being with him in the hospital.

One day, a very difficult day, when it was only he and

I in the hospital room, he asked me to put a pillow

over his face and suffocate him.

He didn't want to live any longer.

What does one say to that?

No, is what I said and then left the room.

On very wobbly legs I walked out of the hospital,

found a quiet corner and slumped to the ground.

I needed time to think, to find words, and to find the strength

to say them to my father.

As a parent of a son who struggles with an array of mental health 

and physical illnesses, there has been many times when

I have felt as if I have been through a ''shredder''.

Times when I've felt as if I was going to die from exhaustion,

from losing my mind, from anxiety, from fear, and or from 

a sense of hopelessness and inadequacy.

But as is obvious since I am writing this, each time I go through

the shredder, I put the pieces back together again.

(Of course not perfect.... going through a shredder leaves ''scars''.)

''It is in the stillness, 

that the greatest peace of mind

and wisdom can be found.''

These words somehow suddenly popped up in my mind

as I was sitting on the ground outside the hospital.

I took a few deep breaths and then walked back to

my father's room.

I had found the words and the strength I had been searching for.

And, now, three years later....every second Sunday I visit my

mum and dad in their beautiful home.

Problems, most seem to agree, is part of life.

Sometimes they may come all at once,

sometimes perhaps one at the time.

Some may need immediate attention,

some may need some thoughtful meditation.

''The tests we face on life's journey are not

to reveal our weaknesses but to help us

discover our inner strengths.

We can only know how strong we are

when we strive and thrive beyond

the challenges we face.''

(Kemi Sogunle)

about the image: Ink on paper, edited in Photoshop

 

Who are you George?

I am a man.

 I am a father,

    I am a husband,

 I am a brother.

I am a friend,

   I am a stranger.

I am a singer,

I am a talker.

I love my wife,

     I love my children.

   I love my parents,

   I love my siblings.

  I love my music,

I love my food.

 I love my home,

     I love a good brew.

There are times when I feel happy,

there are times when I feel sad,

there are times when I feel hopeful,

and times of deep despair.

There are times when I feel anxious,

there are times when I feel poised.

there are times when I feel troubled,

there are times I feel composed.

I am a being,

a human being.

 I am a spirit,

a living spirit.

I am a heart,

a beating heart.

I am a soul,

a teaching soul.

The I, that I know to be me,

is not skin that covers me.

The I, that I know to be me,

are my actions, my hopes,

my dreams, my beliefs,

and my feelings.

''The true colour of a person is not determined by skin,

but by the behaviour in it.''

(Giovanni de Sadeleer)

about the image: a photo I took of  ''Chicken George'', a musician

friend of mine

Feeling lonely sometimes? Don't worry, we all do.

 The door behind her closes with a soft thud.

She kicks of her uncomfortable shoes and head

straight for the fridge. Ah. She grabs her elixir, her best friend,

her counselor who always soothes and comforts her.

She pours the wine into a large glass, sits down 

on her couch, takes a sip, and then turns on the Laptop.

As if out of nowhere her eyes suddenly fill up

with tears. What's wrong with me? she asks herself.

Why am I crying? Which is a superfluous question.

She knows why she is crying. She is feeling lonely.

Feeling lonely at times is part of the human condition.

We are a species who seek meaningful social connections,

and having difficulties in making such connections can

perhaps for some of us be quite taxing and at times 

perhaps even devastating.

''Lonely people are lonely because they have poor

social skills.''

So some say, but is there perhaps not more to it?

How many social connections is the right amount?

See, here's the thing, I believe it is quite possible

to feel lonely when in a crowd, but also to feel

crowded when alone.

We are all different. Some of us may need a lot of

social connections and some of us may not.

Besides, what do we mean with social connections?

Let me suggest:

Social connections are the relationships we have

with others and they come in many varieties.

Especially since the advent of the Internet.

According to some, we are more connected today then

mankind has ever been....yet....somehow we are

also experiencing more feelings of isolation and

loneliness.

 During these turbulent times it seems that not

only the quantity of social connections we have

matters, but also the quality.

Which leads me to wonder: how important is 

it that our connections are actual as well as virtual?

How important for instance, is touch?

In the mid-1990's two scientists traveled to Romania to 

study sensory deprivation in children in understaffed

orphanages and discovered that touch-deprived children

had considerably lower cortisol and growth development

levels for their age groups.

Since then other studies on touch have been done that shows

how physical touch plays a primary role in our development

and physical and mental well-being.

Tiffany Field, head of the Touch Institute at the University

of Miami's Miller School of Medicine, made a

shocking discovery when she did a study at the 

arrivals at different airports:

 Nobody was touching each other.

Everyone was on their phone. (or i-Thingy)

No hugging, no embracing, not even handshakes.

Having said this, it seems as if perhaps this Covid-19 Pandemic

with quarantines, lock-downs, and social distancing may have

reminded some of us that we need eye-to-eye contact and touch 

as well as thru an interface.

We may have hundreds or even thousands of Twitter, Facebook, 

Instagram, etc. ''friends'', but when hard times hit us,

what would we prefer: 

a binary code/pixels on a screen or someone

sitting next to us?

If you find yourself at the bottom of a dark pit,

would you prefer someone to ''throw'' you a line

or throw you a rope?

Even though most of us feel lonely at times,

there still seems to be stigma attached to it.

''Don't tell anyone that you feel lonely, if you

do you are likely to be judged as a loser, as

unlikable, and as a weirdo.''

We do judge. We blame. We look down upon.

We rather throw solutions and ''good'' advice

than say: ''I feel lonely too sometimes.''

In my view, feeling lonely now and then does not

necessarily have to indicate lacking social skills,

it just means being a human.

''Loneliness is not lack of company,

Loneliness is lack of purpose.''

(Guillermo Maldonado)

about the image: water colour on paper/some Photoshop editing