Hearts need to be handled with care..........

Is it easier to say No, than to say Yes?

Is it easier to be critical than to be encouraging?

Is it easier to find flaws than to find good points?

Is it easier to be judgmental than to be open-minded?

These are questions I have asked myself many times.

I have also asked myself what it may do to a child who

from an early age is subjected to harsh criticism, judgments,

and reminded of their flaws and failings at every turn.

What happens to the heart of a child who is criticized

but seldom encouraged, who has his/her flaws pointed out but seldom

 his/her strengths, his/her mistakes punished but his/her

successes seldom rewarded, his/her tears belittled and scoffed at,

but seldom dried by a compassionate hand?

I think we all know what happens.

A heart, constantly subjected to ''poisoned'' arrows (words),

often has no other choice than to harden itself in order

to survive and this, can often have dire consequences.

Words are powerful. 

With words we can light someone up from the inside out,

 or we can cause damage that leaves irreparable scars.

The heart, (in my view) is that innermost center of our emotions, 

our beings, that still inner voice that guides us, often strong yet

simultaneously also fragile.

(Much like an egg. Place an egg tip to tip between your

thumb and your index finger and try to squash it.

It will not be squashed.

However, the slightest knock to the side of the

egg will crack it.)

In my view, I think that as parents we often get so busy that

we can forget how literally children often interpret

what we say. 

In the heat of busyness we may say something like: ''Watch what

you're doing, don't be so clumsy!''

The child may hear that as: Mum/dad thinks that I am clumsy and clumsy

people are no good. Mum/dad thinks that I am no good.

As adults, we often hide behind sarcasm in order to get away

with saying something hurtful without having to be responsible

for the hurt we may cause.

''Is that what you are going to wear?''

''You don't own a hairbrush?''

''I guess ignorance is bliss.''

If the person looks upset at hearing those words,

usually the person who made the sarcastic remark responds with:

''What? Can't you take a joke?''

Which commonly makes the upset person feel even more upset.

We follow our hearts, we open our hearts,

we listen to our hearts, and 

we often take things people say to heart.

Which is why I believe that it is very important

that when we speak, we are mindful of the words we use.

Especially with children.

A child's heart is tender and needs encouragement and support

just as much as steady and clear instructions.

It may be easier to just say no, but an explanation for the reason 

for the no may be more helpful. 

It may be easier to be critical and point out the flaws,

 but pointing out the positives and suggesting

 where improvements can be done may be more helpful.

It may be easier to be judgmental and follow a black and white

mindset, but offering alternative viewpoints may be more

helpful.

''Children learn more from what you are,than what you teach.''

(W.E.B. Du Bois)