Monday 18 June 2018

Words can heal, words can cut....so be careful when you choose them................


Words. When, how, and why humans began to use words to communicate with nobody really knows
although there any number of theories.
Leaving the when, how and why to the experts, let's move on to how we use them.
"Words are seeds that do more than blow around. They land in our hearts and not in the ground.
Be careful what you plant and careful what you say. You might have to eat what you planted one day." (Unknown)
Often what we say and mean and what someone hears and perceives, are two different things.
The words we use, and our interpretations of those words, are coloured by our personal experiences, beliefs, values, and impressions, although commonly we tend to forget that others have their own interpretations and perceptions. 
"Are you saying that I'm lazy?"
"What, NO, I was just asking if you have tried...xyz.....because xyz helped me."
"What do you mean offensive? Are you saying that I am offensive?"
"Sorry, no, I just meant that I find the word ..xyz...offensive."
"That's not what I meant!"
"Well, what did you mean then, because it sounded to me as if you were saying that........"
As a tool for communication, words are perhaps not always all that brilliant because they have to be interpreted and understood through the "filters/interpretations" of both speaker and listener, but an awareness of that we have filters can often be helpful when it comes to our understanding of each other.
Some of you reading this may disagree with me, but in my view vocabulary also plays an important part when it comes to being able to communicate clearly and precisely our thoughts and ideas, opinions and feelings. Ex: That's a nice flower -> that's a nice rose -> that's a nice Tea-rose -> that's a nice cerise coloured Tea-rose .......I'm angry -> I'm angry with myself -> I'm angry with myself because I let myself down -> I'm angry with myself because I failed to live up to my moral code, my belief's, and how I view myself.
I once had an art student who preferred minimalist language: Me: Perhaps if you mix a little warm yellow in the vermillion red, the poppies will stand out a little more against the green background?
Student: No.  Me: Why not?  Student: I don't like it.    Me: What about it don't you like? Can you explain so I can help you find what you are looking for?  Student: No, I just don't like it.
Imagine a doctor asking a patient "what seems to be the problem"and the patient answering "I'm in pain"...chances are that the doctor will insist on more information in order to better understand what might ail the patient. Vocabulary can be a helpful antidote to verbal ambiguity and misunderstandings methinks, especially when it comes to expressing emotions. 
"I'm angry!" ..."What are you angry about?"..."Well, not angry exactly, more frustrated."..."What are you frustrated about?"....Well, not frustrated exactly, more upset."..."What is upsetting you?"..."I am upset about being misunderstood all the time."....
Sticking point: Is talking and communicating the same thing?
One big difference between the two is that one can talk to oneself, but one cannot communicate with oneself, in my opinion.
Another is that communication can be done verbally or non-verbally, talking? not so much.
 Communication is a two-way process, an exchange of ideas, thoughts, information, etc.etc. which can be done in any number of different ways and using different kinds of tools. (Music, art, body-language, sign-language, etc.)
If we are communicating with someone using words, I believe that it is very important to be aware of 
the ambiguity of words and that before we use them,
we consider how they may be received:
       You're wrong!  exchange-> I view it differently........
                            You just don't get it! -> I'm not sure I have explained my view.....
   That's not the truth ->  How do you view it?
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
(Mother Teresa)
"Mean words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes can be ..... truly endless."
(Citizen Z)

"Words can be powerful, 
so when we choose them,
may they be words that;
build rather than destroy,
heal rather than wound,
give rather than take,
soothe rather than cut,
love rather than hate."
(Citizen Z)


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