"Spread love wherever you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."
(Mother Teresa)
Last week my trusty old Dell laptop died. It had been behaving strangely for a few weeks, but my experience with computers has taught me that sometimes stuff happens seemingly for no reason. (Well, not being a computer whiz, that's how it seemed to me.)
After crashing three times in a few hours, I finally submitted to calling an expert.
The expert confirmed my fears; the computer was done for, so the question became: could the info on the hard drive be saved? Long story short; I had to buy a new laptop and with the expert's help, we managed to save most of what was on the hard drive.
So, after last weeks debacle, I am finally able to write a new post for this blog.
"Love is an essence that is omni-directional and outward directed with benevolence at its core."
A statement I made in a previous post in an attempt to define love as free as possible from the confines of expectations, interpretations, and personal experiences.
Often when we speak of love, feelings are at the forefront of how we define it, which for me is problematic because feelings and the understanding of them are so often rooted in our individual experiences. Some say that there are a number of different kinds of love: romantic love, friendship love, love between parent and child, a kind of universal love as in altruism, charity, compassion for our fellow humans, to mention a few. But, what happens to romantic love when the "romance" is gone? What happens to friendship love if there is a strong difference of opinion? What happens to the love between parent and child when the child rejects the parent's way of parenting? What happens to our compassion and sense of charity when those we offer it to turns us away?
Is love a choice or is it a feeling? Or is it both? Or is it something altogether different?
Are human beings capable of rising above feelings, past experiences, opinions, and expectations and tap into a kind of love that is omni-directional and outward directed with benevolence at its core?
Feelings come and go, they are often volatile and precarious, they swing like a pendulum back and forth, they are powerful and can often wrestle all logic and reason to the ground.
Like an un-expected king-tide, suddenly we find ourselves swept up in a monster wave of emotions, barely managing to breathe and like the wave, we crush everything in our way.
Once subsided, we are left with a lot of debris and a mess to clean up.
"Honey, it's only because I love you so much that I reacted this way", or "Son, it's only because I love you that I reacted this way" or "It's only because I feel so passionate about this issue that I acted this way".....
Much violence and aggression is justified (according to perpetrators of such acts) in the name of "love".
On the other hand, feelings of benevolence and good will(love) can also mobilize us to help others, to support, to uplift, to contribute, to express compassion.
What we all have at our disposal although perhaps it often does not feel like it, is the choice of how to act in response to our feelings. In between us experiencing a feeling and how to respond to that feeling, is a moment....that moment gives us the chance to chose our response.
Looking back on my own experiences, I remember the very moment when I realized that it was okay to love someone regardless of whether that love was requited or not. Love, I realized, whether requited or not, was not the point, the point was that all the things that I loved about my lover: the generosity, the sense of humor, the kindness, the willingness to help out, etc.etc. would remain, just not for me to enjoy anymore, and that was okay, because those lovely attributes would be there for someone else to enjoy. I choose to view love as a songbird: it sings the best when it's not caged.
(This insight helped me to let go of any sense of ownership when it comes to love.)
Love; perhaps one of the hardest words to define, may also be one of the most abused words.
We love chocolate, we love our sports team, we love the new iPhone, we love our cars, we love to just hang out, we love to "troll", we love sushi, etc.etc. I am going to suggest that perhaps "enjoy/like" may work as well or instead. So what? you may say.
I am just wondering if perhaps by using the term love too much may possibly "water down" the power and meaning of it?
I was once asked: -If there is a hell, how would you describe it?
My answer: -Earth, but without the existence and or the expression of any kind of love.
-You think there's love on earth then?
-Yes, I do. I see it in children laughing, in parents playing with their children, in old couples walking hand in hand, in teenagers sneaking a kiss, in people walking their dogs, in nature, in the sunshine, in the dew in the grass early in the morning, in the waves crashing the beach, in the birds singing, and....
-Yeah, yeah, I get it..........
Most of us can probably agree that at this point in time, Earth is having a hard time surviving with us humans doing all sorts of horrible thing to it, so perhaps it is time for us humans to tap into a kind of love that is omni-directional and outward directed with benevolence at its core?
I'm sure at least it couldn't hurt for us to love each other and our planet a bit more.
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